They had all been walking for hours and the tunnels never seemed to stop. Until... CRASH! Charlotte got slammed into the wall and the whole world seemed to spin around her. The wind had gotten knocked out of her. A wyvern tore through the wall and gave a screech that set her teeth on edge. Maddie screamed.
"WHAT DO WE DO?!" she asked hysterically.
Charlotte thought for a moment, then it hit her. "OUR MAGIC!" she yelled, and summoned fire to her hands. She zapped it on the Wyvern. CRACK! The tunnel began to cave in.
"We have to run!" Yelled Maddie. They all dashed out of the tunnel as fast as they could.
"AHHH!" yelled Charlotte. She was falling through a hole. "Hold on!" yelled somebody, but she couldn't tell who. She tried to use her powers, but she couldn't focus. She panicked.
"Shoot!" yelled Toby, and he was falling beside her. Maddie and Sam followed. BOOM! they all landed on the soft ground. They were back where they started.
ELLIE
"What price?" she asked. The girl narrowed her eyes.
"You have to stop your sister from working with the queen." said the girl coldly.
"WHAT THE-" she yelled.
"The queen is evil. She's the QUEEN of the WITCHES." Yelled the girl. She clasped Ellie's hand, her nails digging into her skin. "OW!" yelled Ellie. Suddenly, they were on a large cliff.
"Ellie?" asked Charlotte. She was staring at her and the witch girl.
"do it." hissed the girl. She handed Ellie something small; she couldn't determine what it was. Ellie tossed it at the two boys and a girl, and a net sprung out and trapped them.
"WHAT?" Charlotte asked. "I'll take care of your sister." said the girl. And then it happened. Ellie watched as suddenly the girl took out a small knife and stabbed Charlotte right in the stomach. Charlotte screamed, blood pooling around her.
"Come on," said the girl, and they disappeared from the scene. Ellie couldn't forget Charlotte's look in her eyes, full of betrayal. It was only later that she questioned wether she made the right desicion.
If the girl is a witch and The Queen is the Queen of witches, then why would she want to stop her? Unless the girl is a good witch. I thought that there was a sixth chapter, but now I don’t see any. What happened? I’m getting really interested in this story. I think that the Queen might provoke Charlotte to hurt Ellie after what happened…In any case, Ellie should be careful.
I wish you a lovely day/night.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is quite the continuation from our previous chapter here. That set up something big to come, but I really wasn't expecting it to go this far this quickly. I probably shouldn't be surprised given the pacing of this but this one really hits you very hard as a reader. I think you handle it quite well there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
They had all been walking for hours and the tunnels never seemed to stop. Until... CRASH! Charlotte got slammed into the wall and the whole world seemed to spin around her. The wind had gotten knocked out of her. A wyvern tore through the wall and gave a screech that set her teeth on edge. Maddie screamed.
"WHAT DO WE DO?!" she asked hysterically.
Charlotte thought for a moment, then it hit her. "OUR MAGIC!" she yelled, and summoned fire to her hands. She zapped it on the Wyvern. CRACK! The tunnel began to cave in.
"We have to run!" Yelled Maddie. They all dashed out of the tunnel as fast as they could.
"AHHH!" yelled Charlotte. She was falling through a hole. "Hold on!" yelled somebody, but she couldn't tell who. She tried to use her powers, but she couldn't focus. She panicked.
"Shoot!" yelled Toby, and he was falling beside her. Maddie and Sam followed. BOOM! they all landed on the soft ground. They were back where they started.
"What price?" she asked. The girl narrowed her eyes.
"You have to stop your sister from working with the queen." said the girl coldly.
"WHAT THE-" she yelled.
"The queen is evil. She's the QUEEN of the WITCHES." Yelled the girl. She clasped Ellie's hand, her nails digging into her skin. "OW!" yelled Ellie. Suddenly, they were on a large cliff.
"Ellie?" asked Charlotte. She was staring at her and the witch girl.
"do it." hissed the girl. She handed Ellie something small; she couldn't determine what it was. Ellie tossed it at the two boys and a girl, and a net sprung out and trapped them.
"WHAT?" Charlotte asked. "I'll take care of your sister." said the girl. And then it happened. Ellie watched as suddenly the girl took out a small knife and stabbed Charlotte right in the stomach. Charlotte screamed, blood pooling around her.
"Come on," said the girl, and they disappeared from the scene. Ellie couldn't forget Charlotte's look in her eyes, full of betrayal. It was only later that she questioned wether she made the right desicion.
Hi, I'm here to leave a review.
Charlotte thought for a moment, then it hit her. "OUR MAGIC!" she yelled, and summoned fire to her hands. She zapped it on the Wyvern. CRACK! The tunnel began to cave in.
"We have to run!" Yelled Maddie. They all dashed out of the tunnel as fast as they could.
"AHHH!" yelled Charlotte. She was falling through a hole. "Hold on!" yelled somebody, but she couldn't tell who. She tried to use her powers, but she couldn't focus. She panicked.
"Shoot!" yelled Toby, and he was falling beside her. Maddie and Sam followed. BOOM! they all landed on the soft ground. They were back where they started.
"The queen is evil. She's the QUEEN of the WITCHES." Yelled the girl. She clasped Ellie's hand, her nails digging into her skin. "OW!" yelled Ellie. Suddenly, they were on a large cliff.
"WHAT?" Charlotte asked. "I'll take care of your sister." said the girl. And then it happened. Ellie watched as suddenly the girl took out a small knife and stabbed Charlotte right in the stomach. Charlotte screamed, blood pooling around her.
Hello, and belated welcome to the site! I hope you're having a great day or night!
This chapter was certainly explosive, and I loved it! The drama between the two siblings is very compelling, especially since the reader can't be sure who is right in all this. I would've liked to spend more time on this, perhaps lingering a bit longer on the moment of betrayal, or drawing out when exactly it's meant to happen. As great as this already it, I did feel it escalated rather quickly.
I'm super curious about the witch girl, and what role she plays in all of this! I hope we get more about her in later chapters. She seems to be erring on the side of evil, considering she, y'know, stabbed Charlotte. But I do wonder if there is more to her than meets the eye.
You're very good at writing brief descriptions that connect us to the characters, like here-
they all landed on the soft ground.
She clasped Ellie's hand, her nails digging into her skin.
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