Young Writers Society

Hi again, this one is a bit shorter I guess, still good though.

I loved that you mentioned that "it was a very nice cliff" I chuckled a bit when I read that.

"Charlotte heard the vices of her teammates" Voices

Just one spelling mistake this time!

That last line could have been broken up into three separate lines.
First to make the "I am one" line stand out so it feels more ominous.
Second because saying that Ellie screamed right after the line could imply Ellie said the line.
Third it switches from Ellie back to the witch so that should be on its own line.

I do like the "for a price." ending thought. Really cool.

I really liked the ominous line at the start of the story and the implication that it might have been said by this new Violet eyed witch.

Also, was Ellie caught in the explosion? How far had she been walking and how could she keep up with people who are literally flying?!

It just dawned on me that being able to fly, but only at a jogging pace, would be a very interesting spin on a story that I've never seen before.

Also the mystery of how this witch could save everyone, who does she mean by "everyone", and does she actually have good intentions? (doubt it).

Overall it was short but progressed the story nicely and was quite interesting. Good job.

Hmm…Who is thinking about making people pay? The Queen? Is the Queen a villain? Could it be Maddie? Or that witch girl Ellie met? The witch girl seems okay, but then again, witches are supposed to be evil in this universe and Ellie only JUST met her. What if the witch girl is another version of Charlotte? One Ellie and Charlotte herself wouldn’t be able to recognize?

I wish you a fantastic day/night.

Hi, I'm reviewing your work again.

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She knew. Oh, yes, she knew. It was a very dark feeling, one that only came at a time of great loss. Yes, she thought. I am definitely experiencing great loss. Soon they will pay. They think they already have, but they haven't.


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Today was the weirdest day ever. Thought Charlotte. I am flying and on a quest.

"Careful, y'all!" yelled Maddie. "We are near the Explosion Plains."

"Explosion-" BOOOOM!  Suddenly. the ground beneath them exploded and sent everybody flying in different directions. They all screamed.

~~~~~

Charlotte landed on a cliff. It was a very nice cliff, honestly. She got up, and dusted herself off very formally. Then she realized that she was on the diamond mountains! She was right by a very large cave. It wasn't dark, however. It was shimmering sixty different colors, because on the inside, the mountain was filled with multicolored precious gems.


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"Go left!"

No, RIGHT!"

Charlotte heard the vices of her teammates and was glad that they all weren't split up all over the place. She slowly walked over to them. "Oh, hi Charlotte!" said Toby. "we're all glad you're here!"

Charlotte was glad, too.

"Should we go left, or RIGHT?"  Maddie said, and it was clear she wanted to go right.

"Maybe..." said Charlotte, having actually no idea where to go. "Left?" actually, it was a terrible idea.


Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Ahhh I'm really starting to get invested here! We've got three separate POV's now and it seems like every single one ends on its own cliffhanger I love the tension you're building up that way. I wonder if at some point all of these POV's will end up meeting.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She knew. Oh, yes, she knew. It was a very dark feeling, one that only came at a time of great loss. Yes, she thought. I am definitely experiencing great loss. Soon they will pay. They think they already have, but they haven't.

Today was the weirdest day ever. Thought Charlotte. I am flying and on a quest.

"Careful, y'all!" yelled Maddie. "We are near the Explosion Plains."

"Explosion-" BOOOOM! Suddenly. the ground beneath them exploded and sent everybody flying in different directions. They all screamed.

Charlotte landed on a cliff. It was a very nice cliff, honestly. She got up, and dusted herself off very formally. Then she realized that she was on the diamond mountains! She was right by a very large cave. It wasn't dark, however. It was shimmering sixty different colors, because on the inside, the mountain was filled with multicolored precious gems.

"Go left!"

No, RIGHT!"

Charlotte heard the vices of her teammates and was glad that they all weren't split up all over the place. She slowly walked over to them. "Oh, hi Charlotte!" said Toby. "we're all glad you're here!"

Charlotte was glad, too.

"Should we go left, or RIGHT?" Maddie said, and it was clear she wanted to go right.

"Maybe..." said Charlotte, having actually no idea where to go. "Left?" actually, it was a terrible idea.

Ellie already had a hard time tracking her sister and her friends. The explosion didn't help. Her feet were aching, and she felt incredibly tired.

Suddenly, she saw a lone figure wandering around. Hoping it was Charlotte, she ran over to it, and saw that it was not, in fact, her sister.

Instead it was a girl with long dark hair. her eyes were a strange violet.

"How did the Witches not capture you?" asked Ellie suspiciously. Something set her on edge.

"Because," said the girl, "I am one." Ellie screamed. The girl cut her off. "I know how to save everyone. I can help you. but... for a price."