Hi again, this one is a bit shorter I guess, still good though.
I loved that you mentioned that "it was a very nice cliff" I chuckled a bit when I read that.
"Charlotte heard the vices of her teammates" Voices
Just one spelling mistake this time!
That last line could have been broken up into three separate lines.
First to make the "I am one" line stand out so it feels more ominous.
Second because saying that Ellie screamed right after the line could imply Ellie said the line.
Third it switches from Ellie back to the witch so that should be on its own line.
I do like the "for a price." ending thought. Really cool.
I really liked the ominous line at the start of the story and the implication that it might have been said by this new Violet eyed witch.
Also, was Ellie caught in the explosion? How far had she been walking and how could she keep up with people who are literally flying?!
It just dawned on me that being able to fly, but only at a jogging pace, would be a very interesting spin on a story that I've never seen before.
Also the mystery of how this witch could save everyone, who does she mean by "everyone", and does she actually have good intentions? (doubt it).
Overall it was short but progressed the story nicely and was quite interesting. Good job.
Points: 837
Reviews: 80
Donate