Young Writers Society

I want to say this right off the bat, your poem was pretty good. It flows pretty smoothly, even when I read them aloud. Honestly until the end, I thought this person was remembering a girl they use to know when they were younger and fondly remembering the times together, but even then it was still sweet from beginning to end.

Overall it's a very sweet poem, you did a great job making this one. Two lilac thumbs up all the way.

-Goodnight and good morning, Rokita

Ohhh this is beautiful!!

"Rain is when she came to me" is such an evocative and lovely line; i really like the subtle rhyming through the poem, as well.

"brown roots/yellow boots" is again well done; it gives a really clear picture of her for so few words.

i really only have one suggestion: maybe instead of "which makes me remember" you could have "it makes me remember"? Of course it's up to you, and probably a preference, but yeah

all in all a really lovely poem, and very impressive that it's your first! Well done!

-Oliver

Hi @Thediffident I'm here to give a short review on your poem, since you said this was your first poem and I'm not very good at rhyming, the poem it's self is really good and I enjoyed reading it. I felt like it was a very heart felt poem and the rhyming was really good.

breathing the fresh and earthy scent

running and dancing on the wet cement

I like her

She likes me

Rain is when she came to me

a soft girl with a lilac hairpin

the same age as me

a little over thirteen

I may have liked her

She may have liked me