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Bloodlust: Prologue

by EmiSukotto16


Prologue

She sat on the dock, alone. 'Alone' was the very word she had hoped wouldn't come up. Her long golden hair and sapphire-blue eyes reflected the moonlight as the full moon moved into the sky. Jake had promised he was never going to leave her sitting somewhere alone ever again, but here she sat.

Taya had noticed Jake had been acting weird ever since he disappeared during the Fall Festival. He turned up at her house almost six hours later with a hicky and a headache.

Taya sighed and stood up, looking out across the waters of Lake Charleston. He obviously wasn't going to show. She turned and walked to the end of the dock, the twilight cast milky white light on everything around Taya. The pitch-black forest stood ominously further down the trail. Taya had to get through the forest to get back to her car and she had really hoped to walk back through with Jake as an escort.

She entered the forest and walked slowly while her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She could just barely see the trail as she made her way to the first lamp of three. It would be about half a mile before she could get to the next one.

Taya was right underneath the lamp when she heard something behind her. She turned and nearly screamed when she saw Jake standing just beyond the lamplight. His hair hung to right above his chin and it shown light brown in the white light from the lamp.

“Oh, my God! You nearly scared me to death!” Taya laughed lightly. “Where have you been? You promised –”

“I’m sorry, something came up.” Jake spoke nervously. Taya saw he was lying in his hazel eyes.

“You’re lying. I know you are.” Taya looked at him, concern in her voice. “What’s wrong? You’ve been different since last week at the festival. Talk to me.”

Taya tried to get him to look her in the face, with no avail. He seemed paler than usual.

“Jake, please.” Taya touched his cheek. He finally looked at her. He leaned toward her and kissed her gently on the lips.

“I love you.” He whispered holding her close. He suddenly darted into the darkness leaving Taya alone once more.


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Wed Sep 16, 2020 3:18 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Oooh this one is a really interesting prologue that you've created here. Its got some really strong mystery vibes going for it and you do a wonderful job with introducing us to the main character and how she feels about the whole thing. By putting us in her point of view and thoughts rather than just a generic overview really adds to the prologue and you do a wonderful job with those thoughts to really convey the world that the main character is experiencing.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She sat on the dock, alone. 'Alone' was the very word she had hoped wouldn't come up. Her long golden hair and sapphire-blue eyes reflected the moonlight as the full moon moved into the sky. Jake had promised he was never going to leave her sitting somewhere alone ever again, but here she sat.


Ooooh now that is a very interesting way to start off a prologue. It instantly gets us wondering who this Kale fellow is and why he would break his promise and also tells us where the scene is set in so that's also nice.

Taya sighed and stood up, looking out across the waters of Lake Charleston. He obviously wasn't going to show. She turned and walked to the end of the dock, the twilight cast milky white light on everything around Taya. The pitch-black forest stood ominously further down the trail. Taya had to get through the forest to get back to her car and she had really hoped to walk back through with Jake as an escort.


That's a lovely description there. I love how you mention the plans that she had and her feelings as they are now working out. Does a great job telling us who she is as a person and the problems that she is going through.

Taya was right underneath the lamp when she heard something behind her. She turned and nearly screamed when she saw Jake standing just beyond the lamplight. His hair hung to right above his chin and it shown light brown in the white light from the lamp.


Well that's definitely enough to make someone scream. Jeez Jake be careful you can give someone a heart attack.

“You’re lying. I know you are.” Taya looked at him, concern in her voice. “What’s wrong? You’ve been different since last week at the festival. Talk to me.”

Taya tried to get him to look her in the face, with no avail. He seemed paler than usual.


Oooh all of these are really leaving some very interesting questions as to why all of these things are happening and that's lovely to see in a prologue.

“I love you.” He whispered holding her close. He suddenly darted into the darkness leaving Taya alone once more.


And a great ending for a prologue. It definitely is mysterious enough to keep us hooked and make us want to read on into the story to find out more about why everything is happening the way it is.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this is a really well done little prologue and I now think this will also join the list of stories that I will eventually be attempting to track down so I can find out more about what happens. It's a pretty well executed prologue and I couldn't find much wrong with it. :)

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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Fri Apr 27, 2007 1:37 am
Dark Lordess wrote a review...



:D

I really liked your beginning sentences.

Taya saw he was lying in his hazel eyes.

"You're lying. I know you are."


I might be getting picky on this but I think its a bit repetitive. Maybe say 'Taya saw he wasn't telling the truth' or "That's not true. I know it's not."

Also I think 'Taya saw he was lying in his hazel eyes.' sounds funny.

Overall good prologue.





I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda