Young Writers Society



My Cue

by sandygarnet


Why can’t you be the one

To provide warmth?

Why can’t you be my song

To sing along?

~

It seems so stupid to like you

Just want to get away from you

And your face is my cue.

So, I do.

~

Every time when you sit at your place,

Do you think of me?

Sitting there on the staircase,

chatting casually.

~

Oh, I remember,

The light,

The crowd,

The eyes,

The sound.

And me,

Staring at the scene peacefully.

Knowing I will have to get up now

But I had a second to stop (and capture us there).

~

I can’t steal you away

You aren’t mine anyway.

But I wish you were. I wish you were.

~

Don’t want to let you go away

But you slip out anyway

Just like water.

~

It seems so stupid to like you

Just want to get away from you

Your face is my cue.

And so, I do.


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27 Reviews


Points: 122
Reviews: 27

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Mon Dec 19, 2022 6:14 am
NothingMore905 wrote a review...



This poem is about a person who loves someone, but they belong to another and when they are free, they belong to a different other, you will never succeed in getting the person you want because they will always belong to another no matter how hard you try to slip through, you fail every time but you stay no matter how much pain it causes you, you get shamed by yourself by loving this person while they belong to another.




sandygarnet says...


Thank you so much for the review! You have interpreted the poem very nicely.



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Sun Dec 18, 2022 2:11 am
lliyah wrote a review...



Hey Sandy! And a belated welcome to YWS, I hope you're really enjoying the site so far - I thought I'd take a look at this poem as it was still in the Green Room!

So this subject material I think is going to resonate with a lot of people who can relate to that feeling of unrequited love. There is a lyrical quality to the final four stanzas for sure and I think the poem has the potential to be written as a song - I'm not sure if that's what you were going for or not, but it definitely has a melodic feeling with some of the repetition.

Positives
I think the second to last stanza was my favorite here - the rhyme of away / anyway is nice and then the metaphor of a person slipping away like water is a very nice visual that is a great metaphor for how a person can be hard to hold on to even when we love them or want to hold them closely.

I like that you used a little variety in stanza length because to me this kept in interesting to have a longer part in the middle to sort of build up drama and intensity of the speaker's observations and feelings.

Parts to Grow
I think one part I wasn't so sure of was the use of the word "cue" - I'm not sure if that's the best fit here. A cue is usually a sign - but what is the person a cue / sign for? I couldn't quite understand what was being said there? The sign for love? If their face was the sign - that even feels a tad shallow if the speaker was only in love with their face, but not them as a person, I don't know - that part I just maybe would develop a bit more.

Another part to maybe delve a bit deeper into would be in your descriptions for building a little bit of a fuller picture - for instance in the middle list part you say "the light , the crowd, the sound, the eyes" - these are all interesting details to shoutout - but would be so much more vivid in painting a scene if you described them a bit - what was the light looking like? was it blue? was it flourescent? where was it coming from? What was the crowd doing? why was it memorable? what were the sounds? what was catching about the eyes? who's eyes were they? Adding in some of these details will move the poem from generic to specific and I think will make the poem paint a picture in the reader's mind so they can connect to what you're portraying even more.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read and seemed to portray a story of unrequitted love in which the speaker was very connected to the subject but wasn't sure if that love was reciprocated so they felt like their love was escaping or going away.

Nice job on this piece, I hope you continue to write and share more poetry! All the best of luck in your writing endeavors!

alliyah




sandygarnet says...


Hellooo Alliyah! Yes, the site is super cool and the people here are amazingg!
When I began writing this piece, i actually wrote it with a tune in mind. But i wasn't sure about it. I'm glad that you felt that the poem has the potential to be written as a song.
What i meant by cue, is that the person's face is a cue for the protagonist to go away from the person they like. Since that person is not/ cannot be close to them, they feel bad about it so whenever they see the person, it's a cue for them to remain distant. But I'll definitely see to it that i use words which would convey the meaning more effectively.
I'll also keep in mind the other points which you have mentioned.
Thank you soo much for the detailed review!! You are the best!



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Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:38 am
loveissourgrapes wrote a review...



Wow, who hurt you? I never been to a situation and relationship like this but, it's painful to read. It reminds me of those old sad love songs Mom and Dad play in the car while the rain pours outside. The last few stanzas just hurt, I hope you are okay. Over all, it was very sad yet pleasant to read. Continue writing, @sandygarnet!




sandygarnet says...


Hello! Thank you so much for the review! I'm alright but I'm glad I was able to convey my feelings through the poem!



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Thu Dec 01, 2022 6:55 pm
sandygarnet says...







To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13