Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Celestria’s story

by vampricone6783


*The origin story of a character from my “Angelic Demon” stories.  A character in this story called “Thorne Morte Avenal” will be mentioned in other stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!* @IcyFlame here is Celestria’s origin story. More origin stories will be made. 

Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl named Celestria. She had an older sister, Evangeline, whom she loved dearly.

The only thing she loved as dear as her sister was dancing.

So, when Prom rolled around for her, one could guess how she felt.

Celestria was excited to be out there, dancing the night away with everyone..

……………………………………………………………

She arrived and guess what? She was doing quite fine, all by herself…

But not for long. A rather handsome young boy whom she had never noticed before asked her to dance with him.

What else could Celestria do but accept?

They were having so much fun, they danced right out of the school.

The boy told her that his name was:”Thorne Morte Avenal.” She thought that it sounded fancy and charming.

Thorne said he wanted to show her something.

Celestria didn’t understand what he could possibly want to show her. They were outside the school and there was nothing else to look at but the road of speeding cars.

Celestria looked anyway, to make him happy.

That’s when he pushed her on the road and she died. He didn’t even get caught for his actions. He said that it was “an accident” and it was her fault for walking on the street when he told her not to.

Celestria is an angel in Heaven now. She doesn’t remember what happened to her and it’s a good thing, because if she did…she’d be a vengeful spirit instead of a carefree angel.

She still waits for the perfect boy to come into her afterlife….

Characters in Gacha Club:

Celestria (angel) (brown hair):

Celestria (angel) (red hair) (she now has red hair):


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3850 Reviews


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Reviews: 3850

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Fri Dec 09, 2022 6:29 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy well this one turned out to be a lot more powerful of a story that I was expecting. Normally these things are powerful, but this one really caught me off guard in a way that these don't normally do because the bad things are generally pretty predictable but this one really hit home here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl named Celestria. She had an older sister, Evangeline, whom she loved dearly.

The only thing she loved as dear as her sister was dancing.

So, when Prom rolled around for her, one could guess how she felt.

Celestria was excited to be out there, dancing the night away with everyone..


OKay that seems like a pretty standard thing for a person to like there. Definitely one of the more innocent starts I have seen to one of these tales although if my experience is anything to judge by, quite often its the stories that start out the most innocent that end up being the most violent.

She arrived and guess what? She was doing quite fine, all by herself…

But not for long. A rather handsome young boy whom she had never noticed before asked her to dance with him.

What else could Celestria do but accept?


Well there certainly is more options to be had there besides just having to accept but I suppose perhaps she couldn't find it in herself to summon that one up here. I have a feeling this really isn't going to end too well though if how these stories turn out has taught me anything.

They were having so much fun, they danced right out of the school.

The boy told her that his name was:”Thorne Morte Avenal.” She thought that it sounded fancy and charming.

Thorne said he wanted to show her something.

Celestria didn’t understand what he could possibly want to show her. They were outside the school and there was nothing else to look at but the road of speeding cars.

Celestria looked anyway, to make him happy.


Okayy well that definitely doesn't seem normal, I have a feeling this dance was quite purposefully lead all the way out of the school here and I am almost a hundred percent certain that its not going to exactly end well as a result.

That’s when he pushed her on the road and she died. He didn’t even get caught for his actions. He said that it was “an accident” and it was her fault for walking on the street when he told her not to.

Celestria is an angel in Heaven now. She doesn’t remember what happened to her and it’s a good thing, because if she did…she’d be a vengeful spirit instead of a carefree angel.

She still waits for the perfect boy to come into her afterlife….


Well...that is quite the dark ending. It's somehow managed to end up being even worse than
I actually expected it to be and I was really expecting things to be going very bad here. This is certainly one that leaves you doing the ol' shaking the fist at the story situation when it comes to just how unfairly that person escaped for committing that murder and just badly everyone including the victim ended up fooled.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, like I said earlier, very powerful ending this one that really caught me off guard. One of the more innocent stories I've run and yet at the same time one of the more powerful that I have run into.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Dec 02, 2022 8:41 pm
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ImlayTheDay wrote a review...



I love your writing style. It's so pretty and it seems olden.

One thing I would say is in the third to last paragraph the only thing you need to put quotations on is 'an accident'. The other two are unnecessary and a bit out of place.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this! It has an air of delight but then sorrow near the end.






Thanks for the tip! I%u2019ll edit this.



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Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:52 pm
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ccarson wrote a review...



-C. Carson speaking

GOOD THINGS:
Nice! This is easy to read and describes exactly what happens. It almost reads like a poem.

BAD THINGS:
Near the end, the story starts to feel like it was rushed. It loses a little there.

-Corp. Cleo Carson
-[REDACTED] County Sheriff's Office

P.S. Thanks for the evidence, now we know who to arrest!





If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke