z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Worth

by Via


They stand beside each other on the beach–

fire exploding from the collection of disaster

piled before them on the black sand.

In the distance, across the water,

there is evidence of people living lives–

Good lives

Happy lives

Free lives.

Through a screen obscured by smoke

it's impossible to tell how these people

are so free, or what makes them smile,

or what makes them

people at all .

The heat from the flames slaps against their skin,

threatening to melt them away with every breeze.

They dig their toes into the earth to remember:

I am still here.

For now, I am still alive.

In this moment, good or bad, I still exist.

One shorter, one taller–

both with brown locks and orange reflecting

off their hazel hues, offering its own life metaphor. 

They have the same nose, the same eyebrows-

the same tired soul that's barely recognizable.

The girl slips her hand inside the palm of the woman;

it's the only place she feels at home,

the only place she fully belongs.

The woman gently squeezes the tiny bones–

I've got us.

The burning before them is unpredictable

and they can't leave it to rage alone.

They must stay, together, until the inferno

collapses to the ground,

or consumes them entirely.

There are only two paths forward:

to perish as if they were never there,

or to be worthy of the lives existing

across the water.

So they wait–

in the heat,

in the smoke,

in the presence of everything their life has been 

to this point,

to see which way fate will go. 

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User avatar
12 Reviews

Points: 412
Reviews: 12

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Thu Sep 29, 2022 12:12 am
Kz wrote a review...



Hi! Kz here for a long-ish, (Positive) impression/initial thoughts.

Wow! This was incredible! Very beautifully written.

So here's how I go. I'm going to quote two lines from your poem, and then in parenthesis, I am going to explain my feedback/impressions/initial thoughts. And remember, I am a criminology major, not an english/poetic major, and I probably have nothing useful to say, but read on if you'd just like some thoughts.

"They stand beside each other on the beach–" (Could it be a romance?)

"fire exploding from the collection of disaster
piled before them on the black sand." (Okay. . . Romantic tragedy perhaps. . .)

Below I mention what caught my eye:

"in the presence of everything their life has been

to this point,

to see which way fate will go."

This particular (stanza?) catches my eye because it makes me think of the meaning of life, a concept that has always interested me. Why do we live? this is interesting to me, because I know what the necessities of life are, and how to sustain it (Water, sunlight, weight), but what does it mean to LIVE?

Another comment:
"They have the same nose, the same eyebrows-

the same tired soul that's barely recognizable."

The last line was a *heart stopper*.

(SORRY I KNOW THIS WAS LOOOOONG)
Conclusion:
Amazingly well written, and decidedly relatable. This made me realise a lot of things.

If you made it all the way to the end, Have a good morning/mid-day/afternoon/evening/night, to whichever point in time you find yourself. :)




Via says...


HI! So, just out of curiosity because I'm wondering if it came across... by the end, who did you think the two people were/ how they relate to each other?



Kz says...


Oh, of course. So it WAS two people! I thought that they could possibly be related, or even catastrophically broken up. . . but I'm not very good at interpreting things.



User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 351
Reviews: 60

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Sun Sep 25, 2022 8:21 pm
Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...



Hi Sunflower here for a quick (and very excited) review!

Wow! Honestly my whole review could probably be summed up at that one word, but I really just have babble on about how much I adored this piece!

So poetry is one of those things that I am extremely picky about, but this! This was amazing. From the first line you had me hooked wanting more and continuing to do so with every single line, even after the last line I still want more because it's just so brilliant! But out of the whole poem there is one line that really stabbed at my soul:

"it's impossible to tell how these people

are so free, or what makes them smile,

or what makes them

people at all,"

That part genuinely sent chills down my arms and spine, it just made everything in this poem feel so real and so fantastical all at the same time which is exactly what I wanted when I started reading. The flow of this poem is also quite good which is an issue I tend to find in pieces like this, if things aren't balanced properly it can almost manage to make the poem feel thick (if that makes any sense at all). But you came to a nice balance perfectly, and I applaud you for that!

In conclusion I think this was brilliant and I really love your writing style! Having said that I hope you have a great day/night, and keep on writing! Bye!





Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
— Captain Raymond Holt