AUTHOR NOTE: I just want to point out that the format change and random flow abruptions are supposed to be there!
Hey LadyBug!RandomTalks here with a short review!I very rarely review poetry, so bear with me please! I enjoyed reading this very much though! Being an eighteen year old, I remember the feeling of being 17 all too well, and I like the fact that this poem tries to capture just that - the insecurities, the emotional turmoil and the frustrating confusion that is a part and parcel of the teenage experience. And I think because of that, a lot of people will be able to relate to your poem. It doesn't make generalisations, but instead expresses some raw emotions in their most truthful and ugly form.I thought the transition from the 'summer line' to that of the 'ghost who lives in the blood beneath nails' was a little abrupt but I like how it reflects the subject of your poem. It represents the mind of a teenager, guided more by emotion than reason and the disconnected thoughts it usually produces. The way you switch from a smooth flow to a much heavier content with more gruesome imageries suggests how completely overwhelmed this person is. And ending it with "I don't think I am loved" shows how all of it comes back to that deep-rooted insecurity within all of us that makes us believe that we are unloved and all alone. The way and the context in which you wrote that line made it seem almost like a fear that was whispered out loud in a moment of desperation and helplessness.I also very much liked the line - "i don't remember what i was thinking; i just remember that it hurt". Somehow, it reflects the very mood of the poem for me. The disconnected thoughts, the lack of capitalization and punctuation, the sudden switches in flow - it reflects the thought process of an overwhelmed teenager who seems to be lost. This line in particular suggests how the thoughts that trouble the mind become unimportant next to the emotional havoc they leave behind in us.I also agree with Plume that the mention of the 'older boys' suddenly changed the tone of the poem for me. While I can totally relate and understand the role of 'older boys' in reducing one's self esteem, it comes too late in the poem for me to actually connect with that specific emotion. There isn't any space for the idea to develop and it made the end a little disconnected for me. However, if I think from the perspective of the teenage mind, it makes sense that the entire poem portrayed vague emotions and tendencies within the individual only to reveal the main conflict in the very end line. It makes it feel as though every thing or rather, every emotion the poet described before was a result of this conflict with 'older boys', and it steals some of the relativity of the poem for me.Overall, though, this was an incredible and beautifully written poem! Thank you for sharing it with us!Keep writing and have a great day!
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!I enjoyed reading your poem very much!! 17 is such an interesting age (coming from a 17-year-old) and I felt like a lot of what you were saying rings true with the teenage experience. It definitely feels like it's coming from a space of unsteadiness and inner turmoil. You used a lot of great depressive imagery that very nicely conveys that sort of hopelessness. I loved the way you used grammar to show almost... deterioration? That might not be the right word, but there's almost this degradation as the poem progresses and it aligns with the speaker's words beautifully. It seems that at the speaker's lowest points, your lack of grammar and punctuation serves to show how low they're actually doing. "i dont think im loved" hits so much harder than "I don't think I'm loved—" I can almost see the eyes welled-up from painful realization. In a way, the beginning of the poem felt more like musings that were supposed to end there, but then spiraled out of control to reveal all these rawer, truer feelings. Your use of "i think" twice at the end and then having the following line be "i don't remember what i was thinking" was also really impactful and conveys that unsteadiness in a sense of self and identity. The contrast between "blood beneath my nails" and "skeletons in my closet" was also very well executed.I did feel like the mention of "older boys" was a bit of a shift; most of the poem felt, to me, that it was about depression, specifically the more low self-esteem and hopelessness aspect of it. Because of the strong focus on the speaker themself, it almost felt out of place. The specificity of "older boys" I think was what did it; most of the poem had been focused on vaguer or inanimate images, and then to have the speaker seek validation in this specific group of people felt out of place, to me, especially ending with it. And maybe that was your intention! I'd just be curious to know what you wanted to convey through it. Overall: really nice work. I think you made some really great choices throughout and beautifully portrayed those late-night thoughts of the insecurities that come with being 17. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!
Heya LadyBug! Another review Incoming!Ah yes, 3am poetry. The most relatible of all the feels. Funny enough, I was also up early with personal dread. Anyway let's get on with the review!I'll go through stanza by stanza and give you my thoughts.
I feel like I may be simultaneously empty yet overflowingIn a way only people who weep in the shower would understand.
Summer shouldn't feel this cold, but it lives in layered shared of black and blueIt's the color of my eyebags from sleepless nights wondering why I'm alone.
I am the ghost who lives in the blood beneath my nails and with the skeletons in my closetI smashed my mirror my young self gave me, then wondered why my reflection isn't loved.i don't think im loved.
it's 3:00, and i think the moon is mad at me. i think this is called giving upi don't remember when i was thinking; i just remember that it hurt
i'm 17. i'm too old for the older boys to trick mebut if they don't treat me like I'm special, then who will ever want me?
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