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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 52

by felistia


Zoltar was shaking despite the steady stream of sunlight now bursting through the hut door. His insides felt cold and his stomach rolled with nausea.

Eclipse recognized him. How? Had he been one of the Wisp Talons that had chased him that night or had another Wisp Talon told him about him? He doubted the later of those theories. He didn’t really have any clear identifying features. Not enough that one would be able to recognize him based on someone else’s description.

He’d been there. He had to have been. He’d probably led the hunt, commanding the Wisp Talons under him. He’d been the one to capture and sentence Scorpus to his death. He’d been the one to instruct a Wisp Talon to bite Nira. Blue moons, it might have even been him who committed the act.

He was shaking even harder now, but not from fear. A burning anger filled his chest, momentarily dulling any trace of fear radiating through him.

He couldn’t just wait to die here. He had to do something. Eclipse couldn’t get away with this. He wouldn’t let him.

He scrabbled at the floor again, desperate to gain purchase despite the bindings on his paws. He had to find a way out of this. Scorpus had. It was possible. If only he knew how he’d done it, then he could replicate it.

Nova wasn’t back yet and the other two reptiles had flown off a while ago. If only he could get these stupid vines off.

He swiped at his snout, trying to hook the vines biting into it with one of his claws. It was useless though. They were wrapped tightly, with only the smallest of tips peeking through the covering. Using his claws wasn’t going to work. Scorpus must have done something else.

He hissed as he stilled, trying to think through the thinning fog in his mind. Whatever had knocked him out before was finally starting to clear. Good, he needed his head sharper than ever if he was going to think of a way out of this.

If he couldn’t use his claws or teeth, then what did that leave him with? He still had his fire and acid barb, though both were pretty much useless. He couldn’t open his mouth and his tail was roped to a tree. He couldn’t really use them … unless...

The loud flap of wings filled the early afternoon air and Zoltar was yanked from his thoughts as Nova landed on the branch outside. He growled, tensing up on the sight of the Wisp Talon.

Nova paid him little mind, too busy muttering something unintelligible as he passed back and forth in front of the door. Grasped in his talons was a bowl of some kind of greenish brown liquid and a dart blower.

Zoltar’s blood froze, fear rushing back in. He’d forgotten about what Eclipse had sent Nova off to get. They were going to knock him out again.

He struggled, yanking at his tail in a desperate bid to pull it free. He couldn’t black out again. He’d only just begun to shake off the last dose.

“Hey, hey!”

The yell broke through his frantic attempts at escape and he stiffened. Nova was staring at him, his silvery eyes holding Zoltar’s panicked gaze.

He put down the items in his grasp and raised his paws, “Just relax. You’ll only hurt yourself by doing that.”

Zoltar wrinkled his snout. If he could bare his teeth, he would have. He decided to growl, eyeing the Wisp Talon in disgust. Nova was talking to him like he was some kind of animal. How dare he?

Nova ignored the threat, slowly lowering his paws, “There you go. Good. Don’t want the others to hear you doing that.”

Zoltar remained rigid, glaring at this slug of a dragon. He wasn’t some animal.

Somehow this was worse than the way Eclipse treated him. Oh how he wished he could talk, just say a few words.

Nova hummed after a few moments, seemingly satisfied that Zoltar had calmed down enough to untie the vines roping the door shut. He quietly stepped in and closed the door again. He’d picked up the bowl and blowpipe before entering and now set them down near the entrance.

He eyed Zoltar nervously, as if unsure of what to do next. His eyes darted to his muzzle and back to the bowl on the floor. His talons twitched as he reached for the ropes around Zoltar’s snout.

Zoltar snarled, unable to do much else to show his displease and disdain towards this dragon and whatever was in that bowl.

Nova flinched back, pulling his right arm up to his chest, before slowly relaxing.

“Look,” he began, speaking in a soft voice, “I have to do this. Eclipse will have my head if he finds out I didn’t give the herbs to you.”

He paused, watching the small trail of smoke snaking from Zoltar’s snout, “If you’re not going to take it willingly, I’ll have to knock you out again.”

Zoltar narrowed his eyes. Like it mattered. The stuff would leave him just barely aware of his surroundings anyway. Taking a dart wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Still, if he behaved enough for Nova to take the vines off of his snout, he’d have a better chance at escape than if he resisted from the start. It was worth a shot. What was the worst that could happen?

Hissing a sigh of frustration, he lowered his snout, lying flat against the floor. He looked up at Nova, giving him the silent signal to go ahead.

Nova flashed him a thankful smile and reached forward, but suddenly hesitated, “You’re not going to bite me are you?”

Zoltar shook his head slowly, blinking lazily. It was taking every ounce of will power in him to not growl at the Wisp Talon.

“Okay,” Nova said nervously as he began cutting through the vines with his talons, “Just know that if you do, I’ll have to use the dart.”

He clutched it close to his chest as he worked away with the other paw.

Zoltar watched silently, every muscle ridged as he waited for the moment the pressure around his jaws loosened.

His eyes trailed over the Wisp Talons arm holding the blowpipe. There was a spattering of discoloured scales along his wrist in the shape of a crescent. They were pale white and seemed to refuse to shift colour like the scales surrounding them.

Zoltar cocked his head ever so slightly at the strange mark. What could have made that? Nova flinched again, but didn’t stop cutting the vines.

Flattening his ears, Zoltar mentally shook himself. Focus. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter right now.

Nova had made short work of the vines and his jaws were held closed by all but a strand. He had to make his move now.

He launched himself at the Wisp Talon, snapping the last of the binds around his snout as he drove his fangs into Nova’s arm.

The dragon yelped, dropping the blowpipe as he fell backwards. Zoltar quickly released him as he summoned the heat inside him. He had to chase Nova off. He couldn’t free himself as long as he was there.

He reared back, a fire ball at the ready.

Nova recoiled, quickly bringing his injured arm up to shield his face. A steady stream of bright red trickled from the wound.

“Please don’t,” he whimpered, making no move to escape, much to Zoltar’s annoyance. He didn’t want to injure the Wisp Talon further, not if he could help it.

He growled in frustration. This wasn’t what he had in mind. He eyed the dart blower laying discarded on the floor. Grabbing it between his teeth, he threw it to the far side of the room. Nova wouldn’t be able to reach it without going past him.

Keeping an eye on the Wisp Talon and another on his mission at paw, he began to gnaw through the vines holding his talons captive. Nova didn’t move, instead choosing to huddle in the corner, still clutching his arm.

Zoltar felt the urge to snap at the dragon, but didn’t. Poor thing was already bleeding and probably was in for an earful from Eclipse after this.

Flattening his ears, Zoltar tried to focus on his current task. The vines were thick and very bitter, but he was nearly halfway through.

Suddenly a sharp sting shot through his neck and he hissed, lurching back around to face Nova. He froze, darkness already pulling at the edges of his vision.

Solar was balanced halfway down the hut door, a blowpipe lowering from his jaws. He flashed a grin at Zoltar and waved a paw.

Panic raced through Zoltar’s veins, but it was too late as he collapsed to the floor. The darkness raced in, faster than last time, pulling him beneath its depths as all hopes of escape faded with him.


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Mon Sep 05, 2022 3:09 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi again felistia!

First Impressions

OOF, Zoltar was so close to escaping there! By the end of the chapter, I’m left feeling just as frustrated as Zoltar. I could sympathise with Nova as well though. He seemed not just scared but also like he didn’t really know what he was doing. (For instance, if I were in his position, I wouldn’t be asking a prisoner whether he was going to bite me!)

Characters

Something I like in this chapter is Zoltar’s character development. After quite a long while hesitating and looking for second routes, we see him pushed to desperation and he responds with action. I like seeing a different side of his character. It feels like a natural progression from all the pain and humiliation he’s had to bear, and it’s good to see him trying to fight back.

He had to find a way out of this. Scorpus had. It was possible. If only he knew how he’d done it, then he could replicate it.

This is the first time I’ve read him refer to Scorpus outside of the context of grieving him, which shows how his mind is really sharpening, as he says, now that he sees a chance to escape.
Zoltar felt the urge to snap at the dragon, but didn’t. Poor thing was already bleeding and probably was in for an earful from Eclipse after this.

Despite that, I like that parts like these remain consistent to his character as someone who doesn’t want others getting hurt. It makes his reactions to the events around him feel real. Even though he’s angry, he’s still the same dragon.

Dialogue

At times I felt Nova’s dialogue was a little odd.
“Just relax. You’ll only hurt yourself by doing that.”
“There you go. Good. Don’t want the others to hear you doing that.”

Here he repeats “doing that” twice. I wonder if the second line would work just fine if he stopped at “Don’t want the others to hear you”, since Zoltar isn’t supposed to be left awake for very long anyway.
Nova flinched back, pulling his right arm up to his chest, before slowly relaxing.
“Look,” he began, speaking in a soft voice, “I have to do this. Eclipse will have my head if he finds out I didn’t give the herbs to you.”

To me the words said here feel more confrontational than he is described. Starting with “Look” doesn’t make him seem very scared of Zoltar, even though from the descriptions I get the feeling that he is. Maybe it’s to show that he’s trying to act tough?

Pacing

I thought the pacing here worked really well. The time Zoltar has to his own thoughts feels just right for him to have made his resolution. I felt like the initial interaction with Nova was good because it created tension and suspense. When Nova was fumbling, I felt like this would really be a good chance for Zoltar to escape. The escape scene and the thwarting of Zoltar’s escape happened quickly enough for it to feel like a twist or a surprise, but slowly enough so the impact of the events could still sink in.

Overall

I like the scenes in this chapter, even if Zoltar ultimately does not make much immediate progress in his story. It felt like something in him changed, anyhow, and that made the chapter interesting. I’m curious about what Zoltar will do now he’s noticed that mark on Nova’s scales, because I have a feeling it might be the key to why the Wisp Talons are seemingly obeying Eclipse against their will.

Hope some of this helps, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim




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Sat Sep 03, 2022 6:53 pm
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi Felistia, Jade here to give you a short review on your work. To begin, one thing I love is the names you chose for every character, they fit your theme super well, and I can appreciate that. That aside, let's officially start.

He couldn’t open his mouth and his tail was roped to a tree. He couldn’t really use them … unless... the use of ... in this sentence took me out of the story. It was flowing well, but using ellipsis twice in a sentence disrupted the flow. There are other ways to show hesitancy, or thinking, such as:

"He paused."

"He bit his lip and surveyed the area."

"He smirked slightly."

I believe those all sort of convey the feeling you are trying to in a more flowy way? That is very much a nitpick though.

Other than that, and the fact that I haven't read any other chapters of your work, this was amazing. I jumped right in and was transported into the world you have created. I now want to go back and read the rest of these.

My one other concern is how much description you use in a chapter. Internal dialogue could help cut this up and make it an easier read, however, I'm not super concerned about that.

Thank you for writing and I can't wait to read more!

Jade





He who knows only his own generation remains forever a child.
— Cicero