Hi there Buranko!
First Impressions and Interpretation
I thought this poem kind of had a domestic vibe, even though the two lovers are apart. Some lines seem to have a longing or fond tone, but others seem a lot more extreme in negative emotion, with words like “nervewracking pain” and “miserable”. The first and last lines still give me the impression of an ‘everyday letter’, though. My favourite lines were:
Let us hug, my love
but if not with hands
then with our complaints!
These made me chuckle, as the idea of ‘hugging’ with complaints reminds me of what people tend to do when they haven’t seen each other in a long time.
At times, the speaker seems to go between longing for the lover and lamenting their present condition really fast.
How is it,
away from the nervewracking pain
of life in general?
Is it not a great way
to be happy ?
The speaker almost sounds bitter here, as though the lover is living a much better life than them. I’m not sure if that is what is intended, but on a second read, it kind of creates a sense of desperate longing not just for the lover but also the happiness associated with them. So my interpretation shifted away from nostalgia/fondness to desperation/longing the more times I read the poem.
Structure
I like the three-stanza structure of the poem because it feels like there is a new development with the beginning of each stanza. I often struggle with getting that kind of motion in my own poems, so it’s cool to be able to see it here. The first stanza begins with the speaker’s response to what the addressee said in their previous letter. Then stanza 2 expands on the speaker’s feelings of longing that were hinted by the “Finally” in stanza 1. Stanza 3 seems to be a call to action for the addressee to write back.
I’ve read a couple of Kafka’s letters to Felice before (though that was a long time ago), and I can kind of see the inspiration here. The first-person voice you use is consistently direct, kind of intense, and brooding, with lines like “Is it not a great way/ to be happy?”.
Language
I thought there were a couple of places where there weren’t much sensory images for the reader to go off of. This was part of why I think the tone/meaning was a little ambiguous for me as I read into it. The first sensory image is the “lengthy sunset walk” in the beginning, which creates this slow and kind of nostalgic atmosphere for me, and I think it might have influenced how I read the rest of the poem. The next concrete image that was significant was “your grip, your pale hands”, which I felt was interesting. “grip” and “pale” seems to be very ‘hard’ compared to the ‘soft’ imagery of the sunset walk.
(On a third read, I’m thinking that “lengthy” is meant to emphasise how long it has been since the speaker and the lover met each other. Or, at least the ‘slow’ feeling of that image is meant to do that. I think the nostalgia interpretation kind of won out on my first read, though, because of the associations of warmth I have with sunset.)
To contrast, phrases like “writing to each other” and “holding you tight” are less specific, which makes it harder to imagine. They come across less vividly than the other two images I discussed, so I personally didn’t linger on them for very long.
Overall
On the whole, I like the idea and the general structure of the poem. I also like how the poem is formatted to look like a letter, having an address and also a signature at the end. That gives it more context and also stays true to the inspiration behind it. My idea on what could be worked on basically boils down to evoking the senses a bit more with particular images. For example, how are they writing to each other? Are their pens scribbling furiously in the night? Are they surreptitiously scrawling sweet words in the daytime, when they’re supposed to be doing something else?
Hope some of this is helpful, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
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