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Older

by VintageGirl


There is a little cul-de-sac

Where the cousins used to play

Just across from their beach house

Where once a summer we’d stay.

.

When we all were young and free

With chunks of chalk we’d sketch

A giant house with lots of space

While dogs and cats played fetch.

.

Each of us had our own room

Decor just how we like

We were careless, burnt, with bruises

From learning to ride a bike.

.

Now that little cul-de-sac

Is riddled with scars and a crack

And I hear the family drama

Like traits others certainly lack.

.

The cousins all dispersed

With jobs and summer school

Guess we’re just too different

And fate’s a little cruel.

.

We’ve left that little cul-de-sac

The visit tense and shorter

Cause now we all are wise and see

How everything

.

Is older.


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56 Reviews


Points: 355
Reviews: 56

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Sat Jul 02, 2022 3:46 pm
fleuralplants wrote a review...



I absolutely loved this poem.
It perfectly describes nostalgic longing for childhood, and how things change over time.
The rhyming really helps to tie the poem together.
I was a bit confused by this part, "like traits others certainly lack." - I'm just not really sure what it means.
Great job, keep it up!




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45 Reviews


Points: 47
Reviews: 45

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Fri Jun 24, 2022 2:53 am
Queenie wrote a review...



Hi VintageGirl!
I love your poem! Very reminiscent of the past and I like that, it gets me thinking of my own childhood and my annual family reunion with the whole family and all my cousins at Thanksgiving and as we got older how further apart we grew, so this poem definitely hit home for me. I think its nice to take time and reflect on our past and notice the changes and growth in our lives and also to see the changes that maybe we wish didn't happen like family growing apart and from this maybe you want to make an effort to connect more with your cousins and revert to that more childlike bond that you seem to really miss. I love the content and message of the poem but my critique would be to work a little more on the flow of the poem. To me, it does sound a little choppy to read. Some ideas that could help with that are playing around with the syllables and maybe trying to make each line a similar amount; rhyme schemes also tend to work well with flow; even trying some alliteration could help too. Those are just a few suggestions so take whichever resonates with you, if any at all, and have fun editing your poem and continuing to write future ones. I do love the summer and reflective vibes and hope to read more of your work soon! Happy writing!




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39 Reviews


Points: 60
Reviews: 39

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Mon Jun 20, 2022 4:56 am
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Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...



Sunflower here for a quick review!

So I'm not exactly sure why this hit me like a freaking freight train maybe it's because I can relate to it on a level. Most of my cousins live out of state and don't see us a lot anymore because they've decided to live with their mothers because they all share the same father (my uncle) but you know since their mothers have divorced him they all have become way more distant. I think that's why when I read this it really got to me not only because I relate to just the cousin thing but because I think we can all relate to this to an extent. I think everyone knows the feeling of getting older and things being different and maybe not really knowing how to handle that and it being kind of hard because while getting older and things changing is a part of life it's pretty hard.
Overall I really like the poem it was short and sweet and the wording was simple but I think it was really well used and just the style made me feel happy but also sad! Just to put it simply it was very bittersweet. But I think that really worked in your favor it was honestly a really good and I like your poetry and the way you right it's just it's very nice I like it! (sorry if I sound repetitive I had to use speech to text to write this)
Anyway I think that's all I have to say I hope you have a fantastic day/night, Sunflower out, bye!





People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.
— Albus Dumbledore