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The kings eldest child, prologue

by Sunflowerdemon3712


Her heels click against the cold stone flood and her dark cloak billows around her.

Everyone from the maid, to the butlers to even the strongest knights shook with overwhelming fear. They knew she wouldn’t stop in front of them, they knew she wouldn’t hurt them but she carried a sickening sense of dread and fear with her wherever she went. They say she covers her face because half of it looks like she’s decaying, others say it’s because it would drive people insane. That can’t be true though since the hero's are allowed to see it and they all are usually fine.

People didn’t dare whisper about her in her presence for she could change their fate if she wanted, or at least that’s what people say for nobody really knew much about her but herself. The air of mystery is what made people even more sacred, because gods knew what she knew that they didn’t. She could hold the end of the world in her very hands and they would be none the wiser.

People bow in the hallway as she walks. She soon reaches the place that she was looking for, the guards step aside, not daring to question her. She walks into the nursery of the king and the queen's newly born son. She walks up to the beautifully crafted cradle, the queen and king cling to each other as she gazes down at their eldest child. He lies wide awake, one eye is bright as amber, the other dark as emerald with only a few strands of white hair, it would be like that for long.

The king and queen had been trying for a child for years, and this was him.The queen called him a miracle for she wasn’t sure if she could bare another. For a moment she feels the anxiety weight on her. It happens every time ,the fear of telling their one and only child's future, but as soon as her eyes connected with the child's it ebbed away. He was even younger than the last hero, only two months old. She takes a small breath as the child gives a smile.

“He will be one seen as a hero by plenty-,” She looks up at the shaking king and queen “-a soul with intelligence, strength and swiftness, but also fire and defiance. All I may say is be careful with him for his weakness will be from a beast making,”

“But he will be a hero?” The queen whispers soft and quaint, she must sing so pretty.

“Yes, but he will suffer before it,” She then gestures for them to look away and they turn, she lifts her mask for the child.

The face would be burned into his memory, for better or for worse. He giggles and and reaches his hand up and places it on her face and then grabs her pinkie. She smiles, the young one hadn’t yet been named for the king and queen knew she would come and they wanted her to give it to him. She picks up the child and he giggles as she places a kiss on his forehead sealing his fate.

“Cyra will be his name,” she says as she pulls her mask back down.

“But that is a name for girls,” The king says, voice gruff and irritated.

“You disagree with my choice sir?” She asks turning to look down at the king and queen who had turned around to look up at her.

“No my lady, my husband was just confused!” The queen insists as her husband rolls his cold golden eyes.

“Well for your information sir it is a name that carries much significance, if you change it you are playing with fate-,” she places the child into his mothers arms “-and no matter how strong you or your army is you are not stronger than fate,” She gives a smile he can’t see but he can sense.

“Yes…my lady,” He mumbles wrinkling his nose as his wifes face becomes distressed.

“I suggest you act more polite towards me,” She leans down coming face to face with him, and she sees the fear flash in his eyes. “You best be kinder to your wife,” she says, grabbing his face with her gloved hand.

“Yes my lady!” He says frantically as she let’s go of his chin and stands straight up.

She puts her ungloved hand on the queen's face and there's a soft glow. She whispers something only the queen could hear, the queen nods with a soft smile. With that she leaves without another word.

As she walks down corridors she hears the questions and theories people have of her. Many think she was born the way she is, they would be wrong. She made a mistake years ago that made her this way. She played a game with Death and won, this was her punishment. She hates her younger self for if she hadn’t been so stupid she could be resting, but she also loves her younger self for if she wasn’t doing the job another poor soul would be doing it instead.

One she arrives at a place far enough from the palace and into the woods near it she takes her mask off once more to wash her face. As she washes she picks at the decaying skin around her left eyes. It would grow back soon enough, never fully though. She would always have that touch of death haunting her even if she lived. She rubbed the dirt from the other side of her face, skin soft without a single blemish or scar, reminding her of her youth.

The decay wasn’t always there, she remembered when it wasn’t she was a young oracal and she had attained some godly kind of beauty from Death. Then the years went on and the left side of her face decayed until the entire left side of her was nothing but murky gray skin, peeling flesh and an eye she could take out if she pleased. She couldn’t say she exactly missed her beauty, but it had made life easier when it didn’t make everyone aside from heroes go crazy.

But life and death demand their sacrifices, eternal torment and servitude was hers. But she had come to terms with that years ago.

~

Once prince Cyra had grown up he was what every parent wanted in a child. That’s what the townsfolk, other nobles and fellow royals would tell you. They would tell you this with good reason, he was a smart boy his teachers would say his passed all his lessons with ease everything from music to mathematics. He was well mannered, god in a conversation about nearly anything and it helped that he was handsome.

Despite all this if his father could he would say otherwise, he would tell you Cyra is nothing more than any other hooligan child, for by the time he was seven he found the staff tunnels and was able to run away from whatever didn’t please him. It didn’t help that the king didn’t know what staff tunnels were where, what lead to what else and the boy was good because the staff never caught him slipping away or through the halls.

His father would also tell you when he didn’t focus on his words he had a nasty stutter. his siblings would you this to tease him but he didn’t care for he was not only the eldest and despite most of his family's views more powerful than them. He could not bend fire and water to his will like his brothers and sisters, but after years of practice with the flick of his wrist he could make you see things not there ,illusions, he could touch you after you were hurt and heal your wounds, he could vanish with the blink of an eye and he could change his from slightly with only a thought. Because while he didn’t receive any of his fathers power aside from his royal status he received many from his mother, some that were barely noticed due to their mundanity.

He was the odd one out among all his siblings. His powers were that of the mother they didn’t share for the king took a woman of his own planet to bare the rest of his children. He stood taller than them all for while the Hilasten are tall the Joylin are more so, he towered a foot or so over them. He was as poised as the rest but he chose his tongue as his weapon, because while his siblings could kill you with one correctly placed punch he could worm your deepest secret out of its tightly locked box and hold it over your head.

Due to this he was just as feared as his siblings, it was why people locked their mouths when he walked by but also why people assume him as the weak of his siblings despite his status as the eldest.

He knows what people think of him, and he knows they’re wrong but he still questions it. Because while he was smart, cunning and proud while talking to others his mind was cluttered with words from those who deem him not enough. He hears the whispers of his siblings and the snarls of his father and keeps it in his heart. He allows the critical words to sit boiling in his mind causing forcing his eye to remain open at night and for his brain to be cluttered with fear.

So he does more, his illusions become so realistic his siblings can be scared about what is and isn’t reality, he perfected his speech so you could hear nothing but crystal clear speech no matter what language he spoke and he improved his strength that would never be as impressive as his siblings but it could still put you on the ground if need be.

After this he expected respect to come his way especially after he turned fifteen, the age where he could become king if his father were to pass, but instead that’s when the backstabbing became far more literal than he ever thought possible. The night of his birthday his own sister plunged a dagger into his stomach and he hadn’t even had time to sip the wine his brother had poisoned. After that it only grew worse and soon his siblings were not only at his throat btu at each others, he watched as daggers were slipped out of sleeves, curses weaved into gifts and poison dropped into drinks or food. It made his heart ache to think that the sister he once braided the hair of now sat in the hospital due to a blade in her shoulder.

No one but the royal family and the house staff knew of all this though, because the royal family wasn’t going to say a word and if the house staff did their head would be on a pike by the very next day. So as far as the planet and the galaxies could see they were perfect family of royals funded by the Miracle Fleet and drenched in wealth and if anyone tried to say otherwise they surely wouldn’t be able to say anything soon enough. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope y'all liked the start of my story, it's probably all I'll post of it but who knows! Anyway I know I'm not great with punctuation but I do hope I'm getting better, having said that I hope y'all have a great day/night and I hope to see you next time I post! Bye! 

-Love Sunflower


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Fri Aug 12, 2022 9:11 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Quite interesting! I feel like they will suffer the fate of all royal families and come crashing down.The family will kill and burn each other.A legacy drenched in blood and lies.My favorite character so far is the woman with half of the decaying face.Characters like her have such a story.I don’t know how to feel about Prince Cyra. Is he a villain incapable of love or a misunderstood hero? I hope that you will have a royally wonderful day and night.




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Sat Jun 25, 2022 3:27 pm
Liminality wrote a review...



Hiya! Lim here with a short review.

First Impressions

The story has an ominous atmosphere throughout, like something bad is about to happen, and indeed, bad things do happen! Prince Cyra’s home life does seem rather sad, though I have a feeling that this kind of inter-sibling conflict might not be very unusual in this setting, where children of royals can inherit their father’s position. I’m curious about the unnamed character from the beginning of the story who tells of Cyra’s future.

Characters

I like the contrast between how scary the nameless woman seems in the beginning and how gentle she is with the baby, and the queen as well. It makes her seem more complex, and so, more interesting.

The face would be burned into his memory, for better or for worse. He giggles and and reaches his hand up and places it on her face and then grabs her pinkie.

This scene made me smile, even though she had bad news for Cyra.
One she arrives at a place far enough from the palace and into the woods near it she takes her mask off once more to wash her face. As she washes she picks at the decaying skin around her left eyes.

I also liked this scene because it gives a different glimpse of the lady, what she’s like when she is alone. It contrasts with the first part of the story, which shows how other people perceive her. In this way we get to see her from two different angles, even in just a small part of the story.
As for Cyra himself, the description of his powers sounds interesting. The fact that he’s clever and tricksy where his siblings tend to use violence makes him stand out. Since he seems to be the main character, I’m guessing he would use his wits in later parts of the story, making it more of a mystery or political intrigue type tale, as opposed to the story being about fighting. I wonder if Cyra’s motivation to prove himself to his family might change, as they become more troubled with this in-fighting.

Grammar

I won’t go on too much about grammar here, but something that made the story a bit confusing for me to read was the tenses. For example, the first sentence is written in present tense (“her heels click”), but the second one is written in past tense (“. . . even the strongest knights shook”). This makes me unsure when the two events described are taking place – is everyone looking at the woman and shaking with fear right now, or is she walking alone in the hallway and recalling how they generally shake with fear whenever they see her?
Another example would be:
He was even younger than the last hero, only two months old. She takes a small breath as the child gives a smile.

For a story that is written in present tense, if it is still true that the baby is even younger than the last hero, then it should be ‘He is’.

Worldbuilding

Something I liked about the story was the parts where you weaved in information about the world the characters live in. Even in the beginning, the “cold stone floor” and “dark cloak” make me think this is a fantasy setting.
She puts her ungloved hand on the queen's face and there's a soft glow. She whispers something only the queen could hear, the queen nods with a soft smile.

I thought this was a nice subtle way to show how magic works in this setting, while also showing the woman’s more gentle side.
In general, the idea of different characters having different combinations of powers based on their ancestry is pretty interesting. I wonder what those would look like when seen in action, since so far, Cyra’s powers have just been described in the narration; we haven’t actually seen a named character be impacted by interacting with them.

Overall

This seems like an interesting mix of fantasy and science fiction. I like how you were able to present two characters in a short piece, though I’d say I feel like I know the woman in the first scene a little better than Cyra, since she had dialogue and a ‘scene’ with two other characters.

Hope some of this helps and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim




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Sat Jun 18, 2022 4:02 am
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya, mint here with a review! ^-^ This seems like a neat start to a story, and I'm definitely curious about the woman from the beginning. She seems like a good person, but perhaps with a dark past (like, playing a game with Death? That's frightening and cool at the same time 0.0). And as for the prince... I'm wondering what being a hero will mean for him; it doesn't seem like he gets treated any better for being one, but it'll probably have some kind of effect on his future.

The powers and mention of galaxies also make this seem like an interesting blend of fantasy and sci-fi! I would've appreciated it if you'd written about the galaxies earlier, though, because it kind of took me off guard to read about them in the second part (I'd assumed the setting was just some fantasy world, and not multiple planets ^^'). Some description of the Hilasten and the Joylin would be helpful too!

The only major suggestion I have for this piece is to make sure to keep your tenses consistent. You start off in present tense with "Her heels click" and "her dark cloak billows," but the next paragraph has "even the strongest knights shook" and "They knew she wouldn't stop." It makes it a bit confusing for the reader, so it'd be great if you could stick to either present or past tense! :]

Alright, and now for a few specifics...

“I suggest you act more polite towards me,” She leans down coming face to face with him, and she sees the fear flash in his eyes. “You best be kinder to your wife,” she says, grabbing his face with her gloved hand.

I really like this part, because it shows how the lady can be terrifying, but is also somewhat of a kind person at heart. Nice job with creating such a fascinating character! C:

So as far as the planet and the galaxies could see they were perfect family of royals funded by the Miracle Fleet and drenched in wealth and if anyone tried to say otherwise they surely wouldn’t be able to say anything soon enough.

This is also a great line, because it pretty much sums up how the family is so conflicted internally, but still puts up a show of unity and strength. (Though that must be hard with one daughter in the hospital...) I'm also curious about the "Miracle Fleet" that's mentioned! It seems like part of some intergalactic organization or something.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece, and I hope you keep writing! Have a wonderful day/night! =D





Some call me a legacy, others call me a hero. But I assure you, dear admirers, I am only human.
— Persistence