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The clown and the little girl:Part two

by vampricone6783


*This is the sequel to my story:”The clown and the little girl.” You can also find the characters mentioned in my last Halloween and Christmas tales.Other Gacha Club character designs are on my wall.Enjoy!

Chapter One-What?!

Once upon a time,there was a little girl.Her name was Loraine.Loraine was five years old.She was doing what any five year old would do.Watch her favorite show with her friends.

Only,her friends were ghosts.There were two of them with her.

One was a little girl around her age.Her name was Mallory and she loved to play with her.

Another was Mallory's Dad,who was a clown in life and who had died in a clown costume.His name was Alexander.

The ghosts were like her family.Mallory was her sister and Alexander was her Dad.

Loraine never had a sister and..she didn't like her father very much.

When Loraine told her family that she could see ghosts,they didn't believe her.

That was fine with Loraine,she didn't have to let anyone know about the ghosts.They were her little secret.

She heard footsteps in the hallway.Loraine listened closely.

"Loraine,we're getting you a babysitter!" Her Mom said.The footsteps were from her Mom.

"What?! But I have Dad-"

"That clown ghost is not your father.You need to have someone else take care of you.I'd like to go out with your father once in a while and I can't do that with you." Her Mom said.

"But Mommmmyyy!!" Loraine whined.

"No buts.We're getting you one." She said.

Loraine ran off to her room.The other two ghosts followed her.

Chapter Two-Talking

Loraine had her ghostly friends.That was all that mattered.She didn't need anyone else.

"Maybe this will be good for you." Alexander said.Mallory nodded.

"But I don't want a babysitter! I don't need one! I just want to be with you guys!" Loraine complained.

"We'll still be with you.You'll just have someone else taking care of you,too.A living human.This could help,having someone living to take care of you.I can't always be here and I am only a mere ghost." He said.

"But what about your friends? Can't they help? Can't you all help? You're adults,after all." Loraine said.She had met his two ghostly friends,Lydia and Michael,who were very fun to be around.She didn't know much about them.

"We can't.We're ghosts,dear.That's just..it won't work.We can be here,but we can't help you.Everything will be fine." He said.

She wished she could hug him,but she couldn't,since she would just go through air.

She still tried to anyway.Maybe things would be okay after all...maybe.

Chapter Three-A new friend

It was another day.Loraine was playing with Mallory in the backyard,having a grand time with her.

Next door,she noticed a girl her age,playing by herself,in her backyard.There was an chain link fence dividing the two houses,so they could see each other.

"Can I play with you and your friend?" The little girl asked Loraine.

"You can see me too?" Mallory asked.

She nodded.

"Of course you can! My name is Loraine and this is Mallory.What's your name?" Loraine asked.

"I'm Heather.” Heather introduced.

"Come on! Play with us!" Loraine yelled happily.

"How? There's a fence." Heather said.

"Climb over it!" Loraine said.

"What if I fall down and get hurt?" Heather asked.

"You won't.Trust me." Loraine said.

Heather looked doubtful about this,but she climbed over the fence and jumped.Mallory caught her in time.

"See,you aren't hurt!" The two girls reassured.

Heather smiled.

The three friends played games together,without a care in the world.

Chapter Four-The babysitter has been chosen

When Heather had to go back home,Loraine and Mallory ran back inside to tell the three ghostly adults about their new friend.

They went inside,telling them gleefully about Heather.They just smiled and nodded their heads.

"It's so nice to see the two of you have a new friend." Alexander said.His friends murmured in agreement.

"We have some news." Lydia said.

"Your family has found a babysitter for you! This person is coming tomorrow."Michael said.

"What? Already? But I don't want a babysitter! I have you guys! What if we...drift apart?" Loraine asked,scared.

"We won't leave you,Loraine.We'll always be there for you.Isn't that right,Mallory?" Alexander asked.

She nodded happily.

But Loraine still wasn't satisfied.

"Tell you what,we get to do what you want to do today.It's all about you.Would you like that?" Alexander asked.

Loraine nodded.A whole day about her,with her favorite friends in the world?!

Who wouldn't like that?

So,her day of fun began.

Chapter Five-The next day

It was already the next day.Loraine's babysitter showed up in the house.She had long,curly,colorful hair and a blue dress.

Loraine saw her and thought she was pretty,but she still thought the ghosts were better.

Maybe talking to her wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Hey,what's your name?" She asked nicely.

"Loraine.You?"

"I'm Rosalie.We're going to have so much fun!" She gushed happily.

"Yes,we are.I want you to meet my friends." Loraine said.

"Your friends? I'd be glad to meet them!" Rosalie said.

Loraine smiled.These weren't "living" friends.

These were her special ghost friends.

Chapter Six-Her reaction

When Rosalie saw the ghosts,she glared at Loraine.

"Who are these people?"

"My friends."

"Your friends? Loraine,you can't have any strangers here."

"They aren't strangers! They're my friends! My ghost friends!"

"Ghosts aren't real."

"Yes they are! You're seeing them right now!"

"I'm calling your parents."

"No! Don't call them!"

It didn't go as Loraine expected.Rosalie thought that they were strangers!

Chapter Seven-The demon

But before Rosalie could do anything,a dark claw snatched her away.Loraine had seen it.

"What was that?" She asked her friends fearfully.

"Something horrible.Now,go to bed.We'll deal with it." The three adult ghosts said.

"But-"

"Now!"

"Fine.."

Chapter Eight-Loraine gets kidnapped!

But as Loraine was going to bed,something grabbed her!

The same,dark claw that snatched Rosalie...

Chapter Nine-Demon woman

Then she woke up tied inside of ropes,in her closet,with the babysitter.

A demonic woman in a pink dress was standing before them.

“You.”

“Hello,Alex.”

“Let them go right now!”

“Or what? You can’t kill me,you alre-“

“Enough!”

“Stop pretending like you’re any better than me.You know you aren’t.”

“At least I have a heart.”

“And? Having a heart doesn’t mean anything.You’re just as crazy as me.”

“Let them go or I’ll have to do what I did before.”

“I can’t feel pain.”

“I can make you feel pain.”

“Fine.I’ll let them go.But this is far from over.”

The woman disappeared as quickly as she came.

But the girls were more confused than ever."Who was she?" Loraine asked Alexander.

"No one.No one you need to know about." He responded.

Chapter Ten-Together

That was about five days ago when the demon woman attacked her.Loraine didn't see her again.

It was October 31st,her friend Heather was trick-or-treating with her,Heather's older sister,May,was watching over them.

"So you guys say that Loraine's house is haunted?" May asked them,an amused smile on her face.

The girls nodded.

"Sure.I'd like to see how "haunted" your house is." May said.

Loraine and Heather happily walked over to Loraine's house,to show her how haunted their house was.

When they got in,they found Alexander,with his two friends and his daughter.

"Guys! We have a plan!" They giggled.

They listened intently.

"My big sister is coming over and I want you guys to scare her! You all have to laugh your best evil laugh,all together." Heather said.

"Oh! Dad,how good is your evil clown laugh?" Loraine asked him

"Evil clown laugh?" He asked.

"Yes,an evil clown laugh.Can you do one?" Loraine asked.

"Uh..I can try." He trailed off nervously.He had never been asked to do something like that before.

"Thanks!" She chirped.

.........................................................................

When May was sitting in the couch,staring at absolutely nothing,Loraine and Heather skipped down the halls,laughing.

May thought nothing of it.They were just two little kids foolishly hanging out with each other.

But then,she heard another little girl's laughter.A third girl.

She also heard a man,a woman and-

"EhEHeHEhEHeHe!"

Her blood went cold.It couldn't be it.That wasn't possible.It was...

...an evil,murderous,bloodthirsty,clown.

Hearing them all laugh together made May run to check it out in the halls.

But nothing was there.Just Loraine and Heather.

"Oh-I thought-there was-" May couldn't seem to speak.

"Just us!" The girls said.

May went back to her seat,too confused to even ask them what that laughter was about.

.........................................................................

"She looked as if she just saw a ghost!" They giggled.

It was the single most memorable Halloween the girls had in their lives.Mallory had two friends to play with,Lydia and Michael were cheering and clapping as if it were a party and Alexander..

..if one looked closely at Alexander's face,you could see a proud smile on his lips.

This was the family he always wanted.Finally,tragedy was nowhere to be seen.Finally,they could be one big,happy,cheerful family.



Characters in Gacha Club:

(Weapon in last picture.There are three pictures)

Angel Michael:

Angel Lydia:



Demon woman:


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1230 Reviews


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Sat Jul 23, 2022 4:05 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi vampricone6783,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I haven't read the first part, and am here to get the story out of the GreenRoom. :D So let's get started.

I've read a few stories of yours before, and I must say that you have a very unique style that stands out, especially with the attention to detail and simplicity. When I read chapter one, I thought I was entering some kind of fairy tale, especially because the style reminded me of how old fairy tales start.

I think you definitely have a good way of introducing the story like that and getting a large number of readers by keeping the story short and direct. I found it very exciting to read, especially how this bond of the family changed more and more. I think you use characters from other stories more often and expand on them, which I like (even though I haven't read all of it so far, nor do I remember everything I've read) because it's a slightly different kind of worldbuilding.

I also noticed that you divide the story into different chapters. That's just one thing that comes from me, but I think especially titles like that you should kind of highlight, especially when you're reading fast, you might read that along. That way you think it's just part of the normal plot.

Other points I noticed while reading:

Loraine never had a sister and..she didn't like her father very much.


Tiny typo here. Sometimes there are some small spelling mistakes or just formal errors that pop up, I just used this as an example.

In summary, an interesting story, especially because it has the flair of a fairy tale.

Have fun writing!

Mailice






Thanks for your review!

I have intended for her name to be spelled with one r.



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Reviews: 99

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Mon Jun 27, 2022 12:57 pm
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Em16 wrote a review...



Wow, this was quite an interesting story! I love the idea of found family, and the close relationship between Lorraine and the ghosts. I think it’s interesting that the ghosts are friends instead of foes. I also was interested in seeing the conflict between Lorraine and the other humans in the story.
I also thought you had a very well written plot, including both ordinary conflict (a new babysitter) and supernatural conflict (the demon women). I thought you had a good pace in moving from moment to moment, and included both high points and low points, which kept me hooked as a reader. I also thought you introduced the idea of ghost friends really well- you did a good job making them seem friendly rather than frightening.
However, to make this story even more impactful on the reader, I would encourage you to show, not tell. In many places throughout the story, you further the action by telling the reader what has happened. For example, you write that “When Loraine told her family that she could see ghosts, they didn’t believe her”. I would encourage you instead to show the interaction between the parents and Lorraine, showing what the parents say and why they don’t believe Lorraine. This would have the effect of fleshing out the relationship between the parents and the children, and helping the reader understand how Lorraine is hurt by her parents’ disbelief. Another place where I would encourage you to show rather than tell is when when the demonic women kidnaps Lorraine and Rosalie. You say that the “ghosts saved them just in time”. How did the ghosts save them? This would be a place to write a scene with a lot of suspense and tension, to keep the reader hooked and guessing, and has the potential to be the most exciting part of the story. Instead, because you simply state what happened, it gets glossed over, and doesn’t have a major impact on the reader. I would suggest you add more details throughout all aspects of the story- details about setting, emotions, and interactions between characters- to help the reader visualize the story better and empathize more with the events of the story.
Overall, this was a very interesting story, with a lot of unique plot twists. I think you have a lot of creativity and I would encourage you to keep writing!






I edited chapter nine of this story.You can read it if you want.

Thanks for your review.I%u2019m glad you think it%u2019s interesting. :)




We are great at fearing the wrong things.
— Hank Green