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Afterlife Chapter 8

by Col3


I laid in bed, taking a good look at my sword. I began to see the details that I didn't see before. The blade was a double edged sword, and the bottom part was a darker silver. The sheath itself was also a deep red, almost black. I was a little afraid to practice with this sword, I mean who wouldn't be? The god of destruction. . . what could he have seen in me? Did this have something to do with my past life?

 "Cody?" There was a soft knock on my door.

 "Kai?" 

 He opened the door and peeked inside, "you good bro?"

 I sighed, "not really."

 "Hey man, listen," he came over and sat on the edge of my bed, "just because you have Milo's sword does not make you evil or whatever."

I stared at him. When did he become so poetic? 

"Stop looking at me like that." He said with a smirk

I laughed, "let's go."

"Where?" He got up to follow me

"Training? Wasn't that what you wanted to do in the first place?"  I asked

"No, not really, but okay." He followed me to the training ground.

"So, when do we get our wings?" I asked, there were plenty of people with wings, but for some reason no one in the school, or just the kids, had them.

"Oh, regular Havians get their wings after a short test, we need to take a longer test of magic and fighting, even protection, to get our wings." He explained, taking out his daggers. they were short in size and curved towards the end, they were also lined with some purple substance.

"What's that?" I haven't exactly had the chance to learn about his weapons.

"Oh, these daggers were made by the infamous blacksmith, Lun. They said he coated all his weapons in poison and only sold them to assassins. He was caught and killed towards the end though." He said, looking more excited

"I see, how fascinating."  I said, taking my  sword out. I was thankful that I had practiced with a sword. 

"Alright you two, it's dangerous to practice with your weapons right now, but I guess it will make for some good practice." Kai's father walked out from the house.

Looks like training officially started. 

*                 *                  *

Me and Kai were running along the original path that led to the academy. 

"I can't believe you lost track of time!" Kai yelled at me as we ran past the academy gates.

"Me!?" I yelled back, 

"Yeah you!" We both practically flew down the halls and burst into the room, where the class was waiting.

"Well?" Professor Bridgette looked pretty mad at our tardiness. 

Me and Kai both bowed our heads and said in unison, "we're sorry for being late, it won't happen again."

She nodded "then sit down."

I took my place in the class, ignoring the whispers and giggling. The professor took her place in the front and began to speak in a loud voice.

"As you know, you have yet to receive your wings. It will not matter how much you train, you will end up getting the same results if you haven't trained. The test for your wings will take place the day after tomorrow. It is best to go over what you will need to know then." She said, turning to the blackboard behind her. "On that note, lets start class."

***

"That class is boring but fun." Kai said as soon as the bell rang. I nod.

"What now?" I asked

"Let's go to the library, I want to know more about the magic orbs Professor was talking about." He said, leading the way there.

I nod, magic orbs. They were apparently very strong balls of magic that can upgrade our weapons, our wings, our magic and even our souls. She didn't get into it much, but apparently there was some big war over them. I wanted to know where we could get them.

"Would you look at that, there are a couple of maggots in front of me." I heard a familiar voice sneer.

I turned around to see that one noble guy, what was his name? I don't remember it.

 "Excuse me?" Kai came up beside me, sounding a bit defensive.

"What? A few commoners are on par with that of maggots, aren't I right?" He said with a laugh

"I wouldn't know. I wasn't born here." I said shrugging.

I felt the hall grow quiet as people began to turn to me. I began to get self conscious. Was that something I shouldn't have said.

'How dare you!" Another familiar voice. This one belonged to Princess Fiona.

"Princess." The noble boy stammered, looking dumbstruck.

"You do realize that once you enter this academy, your status means nothing?" She sounded more angry than she should have. 

"That is correct, not to mention your rudeness to a victim of death." The prince came up behind her, seemingly out of nowhere.

The noble boy seemed uncomfortable, before he turned around and left. No apology.  Fiona turned to me,

"Are you alright?" 

I nodded, "how did you do that?"

She puffed her chest out in pride, "I picked up a thing or two."

Just then the bell rang again. Time for the next class.

"No! I wanted to go to the library." Kai said sadly

"We can go during lunch break." I said, leading the way to the second period.

Although we talked and laughed all the way there, my mind was reeling with what Princess Fiona said. Was being a victim of death a bad thing? What was with all of their reactions? My head began to throb as I made my way in the class. 

Will I ever get the answers to my questions?


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551 Reviews


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Sun Jun 26, 2022 11:17 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I saw your work has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd bump it out!

I went back and read your other chapters so I'd have more of an idea of what was going on. I must say, the one before this left off on quite an exciting note, and I was eager to keep reading to see how Cody would react and deal with having Milo's blessing. I was glad to see he'd settled in; he's definitely had a tumultuous time as of late!

One thing I like is how interesting your worldbuilding is. Your take on the afterlife is quite interesting. I like how it's not only populated with people who die, but also people who are born there, and the whole system with wings gives your story a good driving force. It's quite imaginative and I think it gives your story a vivid and whimsical setting.

I'm also curious to know how relationships will continue to develop! It seems that the prince and princess are on Kai and Cody's side, unlike the noble, but I'm eager to see if any of that will change. Kai and Cody don't know the prince and princess that well, but I hope we do get to know them better. I'm also kind of rooting for a redemption arc even this early on in the story for the noble boy; it seems he respects the princess, at least, and seemed slightly put off to learn that Cody was a victim of death.

Specifics

"Hey man, listen," he came over and sat on the edge of my bed, "just because you have Milo's sword does not make you evil or whatever."


This was only one of the several instances I noticed some dialogue punctuation errors. Since "he came over" isn't a dialogue tag like "he said" or "she screamed" or the like, you need to put a period or an em dash to separate it from the rest of the sentence. When you do have a dialogue tag, however, you can put a comma, which you also sometimes failed to do even when it would have been proper. I suggest using some sort of grammar checker or getting someone else to look over it.

"On that note, lets start class."


"Lets" should be "let's," I think.

Overall: nice work!! I'm excited to find out what happens after this! Until next time!!




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Sun Jun 26, 2022 9:33 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey Col3! I confess I don't think I've caught any of these chapters previously, so I don't have a huge amount of context before going into this one. I have skimmed chapter one so I have a little bit of knowledge of this coming in but I'm sorry if anything I mention is something you've already covered off.

The whole premise of this certainly seems interesting, and I'm intrigued to know how exactly it fits into his brother's death that I am kind of assuming is the main plot of the story. I wasn't expecting to have the kind of fantasy/supernatural spin that I'm seeing in this chapter but I quite like it!

I did find though that the scene changes were quite choppy. It serves to move the plot forward, but I found that with the speed it was harder to connect with the scene.

Me and Kai were running along the original path that led to the academy.

Does this part need to be separated from the previous scene?

I like the narrative voice you have going here. Cody is a character that's easy to relate to and as such I find it quite easy to read. There are a couple of occasions I noticed where your tense switches - for example at one point you have 'I nod' instead of 'I nodded'. I actually noticed this a few times when I was reading through your first chapter too. It's just something to keep an eye on when editing.

Overall this was enjoyable to read, though the flow made it more difficult for me to enjoy. I don't think I have enough here to comment on plot but I liked the characters we came across and I liked the style of questioning everything at the end of the chapter as it brought me back to the main thread of plot.

Hope this helps!

Icy




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Sun Jun 26, 2022 1:35 pm
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there Col3! I read your first chapter and then decided to review this one now that I have a bit of background. c:

First Impressions

The world of this story seems interesting and unusual. I’m curious about the test that Professor Bridgette talks about, because a test whose result will be the same regardless of training sounds very ‘out of this world’ to me, especially since Kai said earlier on that they need to learn a lot of things before getting their wings. I also like Cody and Kai’s friendship. Somehow it seems like Cody feels very out-of-place here, and Kai being there for him is nice.

Plot

The first chapter made the story seem like a murder mystery or thriller, but this supernatural element being introduced makes it more unique. I wonder what the magic orbs have to do with the murder of Cody’s brother, since Cody mentioned wanting to acquire them.
I wonder how Milo’s sword plays into the story. Since the first scene focused on it, I kind of expected to see Cody use the sword in training. When the scene skipped over the training session to them running to school, I was a little surprised.

It feels like the general theme of this chapter is Cody questioning what is happening around him and looking for an explanation. I do like that it’s structured that way. For example, I liked how the scene in the hall played out. It definitely surprised me, since in most stories about special academies, they like to show that social class does matter, but here apparently, “status means nothing”. The surprise allows me to relate to Cody more when he wonders what being a “victim of death” means. I also guess it will take Cody a long time to find answers to his questions, since this chapter almost feels like the start of a new part of the story, rather than the middle.

Style

Something that could be improved on I think is the transitions between paragraphs. For example:

"Me!?" I yelled back,
"Yeah you!" We both practically flew down the halls and burst into the room, where the class was waiting.
"Well?" Professor Bridgette looked pretty mad at our tardiness.

It feels like there is a lot going on in these few lines. It's kind of hard to keep up. At first when I was reading it, it felt like Professor Bridgette just appeared out of nowhere. Was she waiting with the rest of the class? Or was she in front of the class, by the blackboard? I also feel like it realistically might have taken her a while to register that there were two students arriving late. After all, they “burst” into class very suddenly, so her immediate scolding didn't feel like believable dialogue to me. I hope what I’m saying makes sense – let me know if it doesn’t and I’ll try to rephrase!

As a side note, I noticed some improvement in the word forms and grammar compared to the first chapter. I found this one a lot smoother to read, so great work on that!

Characters

My favourite characters so far are Cody and Kai. I like that they have different ways of speaking, which distinguishes them as characters and makes them more memorable. Kai is more direct with what he thinks and feels, whereas Cody seems to be more reflective and non-confrontational. I liked the scene where Kai speaks up on Cody’s behalf whereas Cody just sort of dodges the noble’s insult without really confronting him, because it shows their individual personalities. I wonder if Cody will develop to be able to stand up for himself more over the course of the story.

Overall

This was a fun chapter to read. Even though I only read chapter one and this one, I felt like I could immediately get a sense of who the characters are. The abruptness of some parts made the flow of the scenes a little less smooth for me. Despite that, I enjoyed reading about the characters and this supernatural world they live in.

Hope some of this helps and feel free to ask for more feedback!

-Lim





The poetry of the earth is never dead.
— John Keats