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Young Writers Society


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Iceflame// Chapter 18: Get Ready for Hell

by SalisRuinen


The member of the class who was shocked the most by Line-sensei’s words was without a doubt Yuki, but of course, all her classmates were stunned as well.

Even Hikaru’s fatigue disappeared when hearing Miss Iceflame won’t be participating in the Class Battle, Exo’s surprise turning to despair very fast.

(Exo) ‘-So we’ll be left without Yuki in the field?! That’s it!! Whatever hope we had, it’s lost!!’

(Seiren) ‘-Hold it, Exo! We may be fighting without our baby doll, but Nightsong won’t be with her class, either, so I’d say the odds haven’t changed in either side’s favor yet!’

(Yuki) ‘-But why?! Why are the two of us being excluded from the Class Battle? Is it a punishment for our previous fight?’

(Tenji) ‘-No. The purpose of a Class Battle is to demonstrate the participants’ skills and the two of you showed everything you have during your fight. Hence there’s no need for you to get involved now.’

(Yuki) ‘-But Ulura may have more tricks up her sleeve! There’s still time until the Class Battle, so I can learn some new stuff, too!! Please, sensei! It’s my fault this whole thing started! I should fight by my classmates’ side as they face Nightsong’s class!! It’s the least I can do!!’

Hikaru put his hand on the white-haired beauty’s shoulder then, revealing his reassuring smile despite his exhausted appearance when she turned to him.

(Hikaru) ‘-Don’t worry about us, Yu. We’ll be fine. You already had your fair share of fun with Ulura, so now it’s our turn.’

(Yuki) ‘-But this …’

(Tenji) ‘-I’m sorry, Yuki, but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. (she looked at the Biology teacher again) The other reason for the exclusion of you and Ulura from the Class Battle is a request from her parents. Given the condition she was left in after her fight with you, the Nightsongs don’t want to see their daughter getting hurt again so soon. Leaving Ulura’s class with one member less while our class is in full strength would not be fair, so it was decided that due to the display of your abilities, you will be the one left out. Now the scales are even again.’

Yuki’s homeroom teacher kept talking after that, but she wasn’t listening anymore. She couldn’t focus on his words with the overwhelming sense of guilt swelling in her heart.

If she hadn’t stood up to Ulura, her victory wouldn’t have changed the students’ perception of Martian Class #3 and they wouldn’t have decided to challenge the baby doll’s classmates to a Class Battle. Some would say the black-haired tyrant was to blame for overreacting and challenging Yuki, but it was her choice that led to this turn of events. Hers and nobody else’s.

Maybe another reason for Hikaru to accept the challenge given by Hock and Gorudora was him thinking that since Yuki had stood up to Ulura, he needed to do the same with her classmates. The kindness of all the people from her class who had brought the ice maiden nothing but joy since meeting them was repaid by her with dooming them to face Nightsong’s class. And she herself, the one truly responsible for the Class Battle happening in the first place, wasn’t even going to be a part of it.

But things couldn’t end like this. Yuki wasn’t going to let it end like this. If there was anything she had learned since enrolling in Sunbird, it was that everyone needed to take responsibility for their actions. And she was going to as well. In order to do that, though, she needed to change the opinion of quite a few people about letting her join the fight.

After Saya came home from work that day, the baby doll approached her to discuss both the coming Class Battle and how she could secure a position in her class’ team for it, this happening while the two were making dinner.

Hikaru and Graid were out in the yard, the spiky-haired teenager’s uncle having taken over from his mother to supervise his training. Meanwhile Iziya and Rose were setting the table in the dining room next to the kitchen, so the head of the Summerbolt family was able to focus her full attention on its newest member.

(Saya) ‘-You want me to train you to develop a new ability in five days? (the fiery mom left aside the knife she had been using up to that point to cut potatoes in cubes on a cutting board, looking at Yuki now with a serious and somewhat sad expression) I understand why you want to do this, Yuki, but it doesn’t work like that. While being superhuman, your body still has its limits. (she then pushed the cut potatoes from the board and into a cooking pot with plenty more potatoes already boiling inside) Pushing yourself far beyond those limits is more likely to lead to negative side effects than help you discover a new ability.’

(Yuki) ‘-So you’re saying I should just stand by while Hikaru and the others are giving everything they’ve got to prepare? (the violent nurse nodded to the bowl with lightly beaten eggs next to her kitchen assistant who gave them another stir with a whisk before passing on the bowl, the two exchanging glances again) Saya, that’s something I could never do. Isn’t there something that can be done about this? How else can I change Line-sensei’s mind and that of the others?’

(Saya) ‘-Line isn’t the problem, nor anyone else in Sunbird. (the eggs were poured in the pot, Saya now stirring them in order to mix with the potatoes with a big wooden mixing spoon) It’s the Nightsongs. Those two and especially Ukris will not be swayed after she’s made a decision, no matter what.’

(Yuki) ‘-Do you know them? Ulura’s parents, I mean.’

Even though Saya no longer held Yuki’s gaze, the baby doll could still see the tensing of the muscles all over the face of Hikaru’s mother.

(Saya) ‘-Let’s just say I’ve had dealings with them in the past. I would like that to never happen again. If Ulura won’t be participating in the Class Battle, it makes me happy that you or Hikaru won’t have to deal with a Nightsong any longer. And overall you have suffered enough during your first week in Sunbird, so I think it will actually be better for you not to be a part of the coming fight.’

(Yuki) ‘-But, Saya …’

Saya cleared her throat to interrupt the amnesiac before she could finish her sentence, having stopped stirring and looking at her again.

(Saya) ‘-Seeing how stubborn you are about this, though, I’ll see what I can do. (Yuki beamed with joy from finally getting a positive answer, the cook also giving her a small smile before becoming serious again) Firstly, you’ll have to keep up your physical training with Hikaru. You’ve only used the full extent of your powers once but you didn’t know nearly enough about them then, so it will be different now.’ (the cook paused for a moment in order to pick up a bit of the dish with the spoon and taste it, not blowing on it at all as people usually did before eating hot food)

(Yuki) ‘-Saya! You’ll burn yourself like that!!’

Saya turned to her assistant with confusion as she swallowed the food, that confusion being replaced with satisfaction, probably due to the dish tasting good.

(Saya) ‘-I can use my flames to redistribute any heat my body comes in contact with, so it’s OK. (she peered into the pot) And this is just about ready and tasting really delicious. (the spoon was left aside while the pot was moved away from the stove after its cover was put back on it) Back to you, though. If we want to develop your deva, we’ll have to start with the five basic abilities for every deviant. Have they tested how good you are at each of those?’

(Yuki) ‘-No. I don’t even know what those five abilities are.’

(Saya) ‘-It’s a set of five distinct abilities that every deviant, no matter the deva they possess, should be able to use. They include creating some structure from one’s deva, creating clones, manifesting one’s totem animal, cladding oneself in one’s deva and running one’s deva through organic and inorganic materials. Hikaru told me you channeled your ice through the ground to create a mass of spikes under the feet of the bastard that attacked you three last week. So you have running your deva through things checked.’

(Yuki) ‘-I also covered myself in ice armor when I fought Ulura.’

(Saya) ‘-That covers cladding yourself in your deva. The spikes, blades and needles you create with your ice count as structures, so that’s one more ability you have. What about your totem? Have they tested you to find out what it is?’

(Yuki) ‘-It’s a deer.’

(Saya) ‘-Oh, nice one. An Artiodactyla like mine.’

(Yuki) ‘-I haven’t asked actually, now that I think about it. What’s your totem?’

(Saya) ‘-A ram.’

(Yuki) ‘-And Hikaru’s?’

(Saya) ‘-A sabertooth, the same animal as the totem of our family. We can leave the questions about everyone’s totems for later, though.’

(Yuki) ‘-Sorry, I got off track.’

(Saya) ‘-Have you managed to create a deer out of your ice yet?’

(Yuki) ‘-I’ve tried, but it hasn’t worked.’

(Saya) ‘-Don’t worry. While being able to use all five basic abilities, most deviants excel at using one of them over the others. The only thing we haven’t touched on is creating clones. Have you tried that before?’

(Yuki) ‘-No, not yet.’

Iziya and Rose came in the kitchen, Saya’s sister going to wash her hands first while the two’s mom waited.

(Iziya) ‘-Table’s all set.’

(Rose) ‘-How’s dinner coming along?’

(Saya) ‘-It’s ready. You can bring in plates, so we can split it into portions to cool down. (she turned to Yuki) And you can go to the yard to get those two up here, Yu. Make Hikaru explain the creation of clones to you when you do that.’

The baby doll replied with a nod and left the kitchen, going into the dining room and down the stairs from there. She passed through the second floor where the bath and the toilet were, finally reaching the first floor where Rose’s room was, going out the door and around the back to the middle-sized yard of the Summerbolt residence.

Hikaru currently laid on his back with a number of bruises on him and breathed heavily on the grass between the two apple trees in the yard. Graid was leaning on one of the trees as he observed his nephew, both being illuminated by the three large elongated UV lamps attached to a cable that passed above the trees.

(Graid) ‘-You’re a long way from catching up to my speed, boy. Hock’s got a Daroid deva as well and judging by what I’ve seen here, if you go up against him in the Class Battle, he’ll kick your ass in less than a minute.’

The mad bolt grunted while trying to get back on his feet.

(Hikaru) ‘-I don’t get it. You’ve got a much bigger muscle mass than me. How can you move that fast?!’

(Graid) ‘-Using elemental teleportation and the Daroid for faster movement is not the same thing.’

(Hikaru) ‘-You’re right. My teleportation ought to be faster because my body doesn’t take any stress and only my deva is used when teleporting.’

Yuki got to the duo just then, helping Hikaru up as the trainer grinned at his trainee.

(Graid) ‘-You’re slower because you’re going at only a 15% output.’

The spiky-haired teenager looked at his uncle with utter shock now.

(Hikaru) ‘-You’re saying you’ve been using more than 15% all this time? Since when?’

(Graid) ‘-Since before you were born, kid.’

(Hikaru) ‘-But I don’t see … doesn’t it affect your body?’

(Graid) ‘-I’ve trained myself in order to build enough stamina to withstand a higher output with no drawbacks. Which is the reason for the training you’re going through right now.’

(Yuki) ‘-Dinner’s ready.’

The moment he heard those words, it seemed like Graid had entered a new plane of existence that held nothing but happiness.

(Graid) ‘-Let’s get to eating, then! We’ll continue training afterwards.’

He then ran with his scarlet energy compound ahead of the duo while they followed with a pace that wasn’t too strenuous for Hikaru.

(Yuki) ‘-I’ll be joining you for training later as well.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Huh? Why train when you won’t be participating in the Class Battle?’

(Yuki) ‘-I won’t let you guys fight alone. I’ll find a way to secure my place among you. We’ll take them down together, Hikaru. I promise.’

(Hikaru) ‘-I think I’m the one who should be apologizing, actually. To you and to the rest of the class as well. I accepted Hock and Gorudora’s challenge, after all, so it’s my fault there’s even going to be a Class Battle.’

(Yuki) ‘-But you did it because you knew a Class Battle is what everyone wanted, right?’

(Hikaru) ‘-That’s what I thought, but maybe some of our classmates are of a different opinion and just don’t want to say that to my face. Except for Exo. (mentioning the techno-genius made the young Summerbolt chuckle) He’s being painfully honest about his unwillingness to participate.’

(Yuki) ‘-He’ll come around. I’ll help with that however I can. And you don’t have to feel that kind of guilt. I think … maybe having a Class Battle became inevitable from the moment I faced Ulura. (Hikaru was getting ready to respond when Yuki interrupted him) Which is why I’d like to ask you to explain to me how to create clones.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Clones? Why?’

(Yuki) ‘-I talked with Saya about how my skills can be improved to convince Line-sensei and the rest to let me join you guys in the Battle and she suggested mastering clone creation.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Alright, then. (just as he said that, the two friends reached the long oval table of light brown wood in the dining room where Saya, Iziya and Rose were serving dinner while Graid was drooling) Eat up well, Yuki. If you’re serious about this, you’ll have to go through tortures too great even for a superhuman.’


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Thu Aug 25, 2022 7:18 am
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VengefulReaper wrote a review...



Hi, just here to leave a quick review!

Sorry for being so inconsistent lately. I've been writing too much and reviewing too little xD. Now, into the chapter.

I really like this chapter and it's really one of the most revealing chapters with regards to Yuki's inner struggle. I suppose the last time we saw a deep character reflection from her was when she found out why Hikaru and Seiren were rivals and their struggles. More of this!

On to Yuki's guilt... Though I would say she should not be feeling guilty about anything she's done lately, I think it's more than reasonable (and in character) for her to think that she's guilty for the class battle taking place, which I really like. She's someone who clearly appreciates the affection given to her by her new family and her class and feels the need to repay them for that. That's probably where her guilt partially stems from, I suppose.

We also got some new info drops here with regards to developing new powers. From how Yuki's powers have manifested over the course of the novel, I always thought these abilities are 'awakened' by certain circumstances but it's good to know that you actually have to train your body to acquire a new ability. So I'm assuming that since the average deviant can have 5 base abilities, Yuki might have 10 base? 5 fire, 5 ice? We'll have to wait and see.

I do wonder about Ulura's parents withdrawing from the class battle. From the chapter we had with them, it's clear they don't have an issue with their daughter being hurt...as long as she doesn't damage their image (or maybe I am misremembering...It's been a while lol). Perhaps their real reason for not allowing Ulura to participate is because they don't want to risk being humiliated again?

Just a few nitpicks here and there:

In order to do that, though, she needed to change the opinion of quite a few people about letting her join the fight.
***
After Saya came home from work that day, the baby doll approached her to discuss both the coming Class Battle and how she could secure a position in her class’ team for it, this happening while the two were making dinner.

You may want to add a scene break like this (in bold) just to show there is a transition/change in location or time. It can get jarring to jump from an internal monologue to a completely different location.

Alternatively, you can add a line where her biology teacher says something like "Understood?" and Yuki snaps out of her thoughts and hesitantly replies before the transition. It just helps us to come back to reality before breaking scene.

(the cook paused for a moment in order to pick up a bit of the dish with the spoon and taste it, not blowing on it at all as people usually did before eating hot food)

(Yuki) ‘-Saya! You’ll burn yourself like that!!’

Saya turned to her assistant with confusion as she swallowed the food, that confusion being replaced with satisfaction, probably due to the dish tasting good.

(Saya) ‘-I can use my flames to redistribute any heat my body comes in contact with, so it’s OK.

This section feels out of place. It's such a drastic change in subject that seems *too conveniently placed* to provide an explanantion of Saya's powers. I think I would leave that aspect of hers a mystery...Something for us to say "huh... that was weird..." and explain it later on during Yuki's training as a demonstration perhaps? I don't know. It just seemed to pull me out of the current conversation before correcting course shortly after. But again...Just a nitpick (it's all I can do these days lol).

That's all from me, though! I think this is one of your better character focused chapters and this was a chapter I really needed going into the class battle to understand Yuki's determination. I'm really enjoying your novel so far and with being 18 chapters in, I think it's a great time to have our first major incident. The build up has been great so far and characters are coming together. I can feel the class battle is going to be one hell of a pay off!

Keep well and keep writing!
The reaper sends his regards




SalisRuinen says...


Thank you for the review!
Your theory about Yuki's guilt is right on point. This is one of the chapters I wanted to use to provide character insight as there won't be too much of that once the Class Battle starts and I'm glad you didn't find it to be boring or slow.
The five basic abilities Saya explains to the newest member of her family are a standard for all deviants with an elemental deva, if not for all deviants as a whole. Of course, there are more specific abilities outside of that group, some of which will indeed be displayed by Yuki later on.
The Nightsongs definitely do not care about Ulura's safety but have insisted on her not participating because they plan to use her in other ways during the Class Battle. How that will happen exactly will be revealed in the following chapters.
You're also completely right about the scene break. My apologies for that. I forgot to add it, but will definitely fix that mistake.
The section you mentioned feels out of place was actually written like that deliberately. I don't know if it's a good thing, but I like to put these little reminders here and there about the superpower element in the story, especially during the most mundane real-life activities (like it is with cooking in this chapter). You noticing that actually makes me feel even better for adding it as I like to break the flow of longer conversations to make them feel more dynamic and that seems to have achieved its purpose here.
I worked hard on putting the whole Class Battle together, so I do hope you'll enjoy it!



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Thu Jun 23, 2022 9:23 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi SalisRuinen,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

The development of the plot blew me away a little, I was not prepared to continue to load some kind of explanation phase. There were definitely some moments where I sat there thinking, knowing that I lack some basic knowledge, but also because I just had to smile, where I wasn't sure if you sometimes put in some hidden humour or just your style goes in a certain direction.

Something I noticed here, which I mentioned in the last review, was the texts that are in brackets, which are in dialogue. I would try to make it a bit clearer that it's actually just narrative text. Still, I like that you put more focus on the dialogue and don't force the reader to jump from one section to the other.

(Seiren) ‘-Hold it, Exo! We may be fighting without our baby doll, but Nightsong won’t be with her class, either, so I’d say the odds haven’t changed in either side’s favor yet!’


I'm still a little unsure whether this is really a baby doll or just a nickname. Seiren doesn't really strike me as someone who messes around with nicknames.

If she hadn’t stood up to Ulura, her victory wouldn’t have changed the students’ perception of Martian Class #3 and they wouldn’t have decided to challenge the baby doll’s classmates to a Class Battle. Some would say the black-haired tyrant was to blame for overreacting and challenging Yuki, but it was her choice that led to this turn of events. Hers and nobody else’s.


I noticed in this section that you jump a lot from one point to the next, and I found the transitions a bit lacking. Of course, this may have to do with my lack of previous experience, but I found this to be in contrast to your other sections, which are more fluid than this one. Maybe just look over it again. :D

(Saya) ‘-You want me to train you to develop a new ability in five days?


Now I would like to find out whether it is possible to learn something new so quickly.

(the cook paused for a moment in order to pick up a bit of the dish with the spoon and taste it, not blowing on it at all as people usually did before eating hot food)


There are only two small errors here; capitalisation at the beginning and the full stop at the end. I hope I'm not too nitpicky.

The moment he heard those words, it seemed like Graid had entered a new plane of existence that held nothing but happiness.


I don't know if you wrote this with a humorous ulterior motive or not, but I like the way you put it here.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




SalisRuinen says...


Thank you for the review!
All the humour is deliberate, trust me. The more you laugh, the better it is for me as that means the comedic moments I've put in the story are hitting the right notes.
'Baby doll' is one of Yuki's main nicknames as it refers to her mesmerizing beauty. And Seiren is definitely one that uses nicknames, at least for those people with whom he has a special bond.
About the transitions in Yuki's thought process, each of the events she's thinking about here have been described in one or more chapters, so I hoped that just mentioning the key moments that led to the current situation would be enough to understand the whole thing. I may change it a bit at one point, though.
Any comments you may have about plot, punctuation or anything else are more than welcome, so feel free to share more of those! And lastly, the bit about Graid was indeed written with a humorous intent.



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Wed May 25, 2022 11:47 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Phew chapter 18 here we go! I feel like we're building to something big and I'm wondering how you're going to make this class battle read bigger than all the fights we've had up until this point because they've been pretty epic.

The reasoning for not including Yuki and Ulura seems sensible, but I can't help but feel there might be an ulterior motive somewhere. I wonder how her and her class are reacting to this 'news'.

The other reason for the exclusion of you and Ulura from the Class Battle is a request from her parents. Given the condition she was left in after her fight with you, the Nightsongs don’t want to see their daughter getting hurt again so soon.

A-ha! I knew there was something fishy going on and now it turns out her family are involved I'm even more suspicious. There's no way this is the real reason they don't want either of them involved.

Yuki is taking this whole thing pretty hard. Ulura antagonised her and demanded a fight and she simply complied and defended herself. I'm not sure what else she could have done!

(Saya) ‘-You want me to train you to develop a new ability in five days? (the fiery mom left aside the knife she had been using up to that point to cut potatoes in cubes on a cutting board, looking at Yuki now with a serious and somewhat sad expression) I understand why you want to do this, Yuki, but it doesn’t work like that. While being superhuman, your body still has its limits. (she then pushed the cut potatoes from the board and into a cooking pot with plenty more potatoes already boiling inside) Pushing yourself far beyond those limits is more likely to lead to negative side effects than help you discover a new ability.’

This was an interesting interaction. Yuki seems determined that somehow she will be able to fight - surely that's a bigger issue than her learning a new ability? And why is Saya the one who would be able to teach her this new ability?

I also find the whole output issue confusing. They can use a certain amount at school but it's draining? And that's different to the amount they can use out of school? And this is controlled by the chips in them? I feel we've been getting lots of information on the subject but I'm not sure it's super clear. It's a very complex system which is maybe why I'm struggling to understand it all.

Graid is certainly more intelligent than Saya made him out to be when we first met him. He's a very likeable character and although there's a lot of info in this chapter I'm interested in what he says because I like the character. I will say his relationship with Hikaru comes off more brotherly than anything else but I don't think that's a problem.

This was kind of a filler chapter but with a lot of information. I hope Saya gets to face Ulura's parents and defeat them at some point!

Onto chapter 19!

Icy




SalisRuinen says...


Thank you for the review!
One difference between the Class Battle and the previous battles is that it will be split into a couple of battles following each other, so it won't be just one battle like the ones you've seen so far.
Yuki believes that if she proves she has more abilities to show than the ones used during her battle with Ulura, the headmaster and teachers, even the Nightsongs will allow her to participate in the Class Battle. As for why she's turned to Saya, she's the member of the Summerbolts Yuki has spent the most time with (save for Hikaru, of course) and is also the most knowledgeable family member in terms of deviant biology, so Miss Iceflame considered Hikaru's mom to be the best person to turn to.




A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats