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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter 40

by felistia


The gentle drip, drip of water trickling down the cave walls was all that broke the heavy silence hanging in the air. Sunlight streamed through the sea weed cloaked entrance and yet, it did nothing to bring Zoltar warmth.

He sat with his head pressed against the back wall, his amethyst horns slick with water droplets. He was alone. All alone again.

He knew he’d done the right thing. Felistia and Shiraku would be safe now.

He also knew that he shouldn’t be this shook up about them leaving. He’d only known them a few days after all, not to mention that one of them was a Sea Talon. He should be happy to have them out the way. It wouldn’t be complicated any more. He could come and go from the cave whenever he wanted. No more lies or cover ups. He should be relieved.

He groaned. Then why did it hurt so much?

He glanced down at his talons, his claws grasping the stone in a vice like grip. He had to get a hold of himself. Sidious could be here any moment, now that he didn’t have to hide anymore. Zoltar couldn’t let him see him like this. It was already going to bad enough.

He should be thinking of something to say, a good comeback or a plan of some sort. Not mope because some dragons he’d just met, left.

He shook his head and sucked in a deep breathe. It would be fine. He’d have had to leave them anyway once he’d gotten the gem. Maybe this was easier. Now he could focus on the mission, instead of splashing about the ocean without a clue in the world.

Zoltar stared at the cave wall, studying the millions of tiny cracks scuttling along its surface as he tried to focus his mind. The first thing he had to do was find the Wisp Talon village. Once he’d done that, he’d be able to make a better plan. He couldn’t do anything until then.

He should start scouting the island. Maybe even creep around on paw for a little bit, get the lay of the land. He hadn’t been to the east side of the island yet. He hadn’t really been much further than the lake. He should start there.

He was about to get to his paws when a sudden rush of wing beats broke the silence.

‘Felistia!’ Zoltar thought excitedly, whipping around. She must have come back. Maybe she was going to forgive him?

He stopped short, his smile disappearing when he saw the dragoness. Perched on the ledge leading out the cave was Emerald, the sea weed draped over her cloud grey scales. She shuffled nervously on her talons as she kept looking from him to back behind her.

“Emerald? What are you doing here?” Zoltar asked, bewildered. He was disappointed that it wasn’t Felistia, but he was still somewhat pleasantly surprised by her appearance. It was better that Sidious.

She smiled sheepishly, “I…um…I saw the other two leave earlier. They flew off further along the coast. The blue one was hissing insults. I thought I’d…um… come see if everything was alright?”

She flicked her ears back as she rubbed her talons nervously.

Zoltar stifled a small smile. She was sweet. Sure, she was a Wisp Talon and he had to be careful, but still.

“Yah. We kinda had a fight. We decided to split up.” He kept it short, not wanting to go into the details.

“Oh,” a guilty look crossed Emeralds snout as she whispered in a small voice, “I take it you told them about me then?”

He nodded slowly, “They didn’t take it very well.”

“Sorry about that,” Emerald looked away for a moment as she rubbed a paw over her shoulder, “I guess you don’t really want me around anymore then?”

“No…no. Don’t go,” Zoltar said, stepping forward before he knew what he was doing, “Its fine. I had to tell them some other…things… as well. It’s not like that was the only reason they left.”

‘What are you doing?’ His mind screamed, ‘Stop being so friendly. You can’t be friends with her. This is what got you in trouble with the others in the first place.’

Emerald smiled, her ears pricking up, “You sure? You seemed rather upset when you found out I’d been following you last night.”

“Well…it was quite a bit to take in,” Zoltar said, shifting nervously, “and you have to admit that it’s quite a strange situation. What you’re doing isn’t really normal.”

“Well, I guess that makes two of us,” Emerald flicked her tail, a mischievous grin flashing over her snout, “You’re not at all like I thought you’d be either.”

Zoltar blushed, dropping his gaze quickly. What was he doing?

‘You’re digging yourself another hole, that’s what you’re doing,’ he thought. This couldn’t last… could it?

No! Definitely not. This was a really stupid idea. He just gone through the pain of parting with the other two. Why was he doing this? He knew it wouldn’t last. At least with Felistia, there wasn’t the risk that she’d sic her tribe on him. Not to mention that he’d have to leave Emerald in a few days anyway. The full moon sacrifice wasn’t all that far off and she’d give him up eventually. This strange curiosity she had for him would have to run out sooner or later.

But still a small voice argued against this. He had a few days before he had to worry. He should make the most of it.

He could use some company now that Felistia and Shiraku were gone, not to mention that he might be able to get some information out of Emerald. She could make finding the Wisp Talon village and the gem much easier.

“Say,” Emerald started slowly, her talons rubbing the scales along the tip of her tail anxiously, “Since you don’t look like you’re doing anything…would you… maybe… like me to show you around the island a little?”

She gave him a sideways smile as she looked at him hopefully.

Zoltar scratched behind his horns as he thought about her offer. It couldn’t hurt…right? She seemed friendly enough. It couldn’t be a trap. If she wanted to capture him, all she’d had to do was show up here with a few of her fellow Wisp Talons this morning. Why go through all the trouble of becoming friends with him, only lead him into a trap?

“Sure,” he said finally as he threw caution to the wind, “Why not?”

Emerald gave him another playful grin as if she were debating answering the question.

Instead, she spread her wings and bonded out of the entrance.

“Come on then,” she cried as she flew out over the beach. As soon as the sunlight hit her pebble grey scales, the dull hue washed away, leaving them a blazing mix of violet and gold.

Zoltar leapt out after her, his heart thumping with excited anticipation as he soared out over the now familiar evergreen forest. He was taking a chance following her, but what did he really have to lose?


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Sat May 07, 2022 2:10 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi felistia,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

The obligatory mental merry-go-round of Zoltar moves in the right direction here, although I was a little surprised at the ending, especially Emerald's appearance and how she tries to get him out of those black thoughts. An interesting change of story, it seems to me, and not really to be looked forward to.

The gentle drip, drip of water trickling down the cave walls was all that broke the heavy silence hanging in the air.


Only with this part did I notice that we didn't get a poetic introduction in the previous chapter, which makes what happened seem all the more tragic. I'm just not sure if the "drip, drip" is correct or if it's a doubling because it reads kind of strange.

He knew he’d done the right thing.


I like how in between all his thoughts, this feeling appears again where he sees himself as having done the right thing. It shows that his heart is in the right place, but it also shows that he is playing with himself a little bit because he also put himself in that situation at the beginning.

He should be happy to have them out the way.


I noticed a few times that an "of" is missing in your sentences. I think that was partly before Emerald's appearance.

“No…no. Don’t go,” Zoltar said, stepping forward before he knew what he was doing, “Its fine. I had to tell them some other…things… as well. It’s not like that was the only reason they left.”


Here you see again clearly that Zoltar relies so much on others because he is in such despair that he loses sight of himself.I think that felt good here in the chapter, especially in the first half, and also read well. We've seen Zoltar get caught in this trap several times before, and each time it still feels refreshing the way you portray it. In this chapter in particular, I was struck by the fact that a lot of it didn't feel dry, but that in between you could see Zoltar trying to pull himself together.

In summary, the chapter has managed a good change and I am curious to see how we move forward with Emerald.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Fri May 06, 2022 2:09 am
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SalisRuinen wrote a review...



Hi! Salis here with a review!!

I'm conflicted on Zoltar's thoughts from the beginning of this chapter. A part of me agrees with him on the matter that now that Shuraku and Felistia have left him, he'll be able to focus his full attention on completing his mission. But the time the three spent together was such a pleasant distraction, that I can't help but feel sad that it ended.

Playing with the reader's expectations by using 'dragoness' at the beginning of the paragraph after Zoltar thought Felistia had returned was a great idea. I myself had some hope that maybe she would come back, if not to forgive him, then at least to talk with him a bit more. But that would've been too easy and the protagonist's pain would've been relieved too soon.

Still, Emerald's appearance was a welcome sight. Everything about her behavior relaxes me and brings me joy and it seems it has the same effect on Zoltar, no matter how hard he tries to remain vigilant. I just hope she turns out to be a generally good dragon and not a traitor who has been deliberately deceiving him all this time.

I also believe the reason the Earth Talon is so ready to befriend the Wisp Talon in spite of thinking it's a mistake is because he is in dire need of company at the moment. Even if this were a trap, I doubt he'd realize that with all the emotions clouding his judgement. As for him thinking he could get some information from Emerald, in my opinion that's just Zoltar trying to justify the risk he's taking by getting close to her.

Lastly, the protagonist's remark to himself on not having anything to lose is very true in his current situation, but I hope nothing bad is going to happen to him as a result of following Emerald. Or if something bad does happen, I just want her to protect and help him rather than become the cause for more pain.

Thank you for the great chapter and keep on writing!





You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon