Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

16+ Language

Iceflame// Chapter 6: The Fiery Mom

by SalisRuinen

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Nurse Saya Summerbolt finished her late shift in the Deckstoru Central Hospital without any particularly disturbing patient cases for the day and was getting ready to go home for some nice rest during the coming weekend.

Sadly for her, this weekend was going to be the most restless one in a while for not just her but her whole city, which was confirmed by the phone call she received upon leaving work.

A phone call saying her son had been arrested for using his deva beyond his chip limit and causing proprietary damage.

While Hikaru was known for getting into trouble, this sounded a bit too overboard even for him.

First things first, she needed to get the whole family on alert. Seeing as how her son’s rival was also arrested, the Blackscales were probably already aware of the situation and the two families were going to have to coordinate their actions from here on.

But most importantly, they needed a set of eyes on the scene. Those eyes were going to be Saya’s.

After getting to the precinct, she got all the details – partially through what the police told her but mainly from a video some civilian had recorded of the whole ordeal her brat had got himself into.

From there it was time to meet with the dumbasses currently kept in a holding cell to inform them personally about the trouble they were in. And to discipline Hikaru again.

Her son lit up like a candle from happiness when he saw his mother’s face clearly after the lights around her turned on again. The fiery mom had calmed down, so the effect her heightened deva output due to her anger had on the electricity in a close proximity had disappeared.

(Hikaru) ‘-You … you came for meeeee!!!’

He jumped at her from inside the cell which led to being smacked on the head with enough force to make him fall on the floor. Saya’s calmness was short-lived, after all.

(Saya) ‘-I came to end the miserable life I gave birth to years ago, you little shit!!!’

(Yuki) ‘-She’s scary!!! Do all members of Hikaru’s family have anger issues?’

(Seiren) ‘-Yeah, but his mother’s condition is the worst in that regard.’

The Blackscale kid didn’t wait to start with the irritating comments. Looks like these misbehaving children were going to need a lot of spanking to straighten up.

(Saya) ‘-Your condition’s the one that’s going to worsen, Seiren. Don’t start getting on my nerves.’

(Seiren) ‘-Sorry, Mrs. Summerbolt. Please don’t incinerate me.’

(Saya) ‘-And you’re Yuki, right?’

(Yuki) ‘-Yes, ma’am. Yuki Iceflame.’

(Saya) ‘-Saya Summerbolt. It’s a pleasure to meet you. From what I saw, you saved my stupid son’s life, so thank you very much for that. And I have to say you’re a lot cuter in person than on that video they showed me.’

(Yuki) ‘-Well, I … I don’t really know what to say to all of that.’

(Saya) ‘-Just say ‘thank you’, damn it!’

(Yuki) ‘-Thank you, Mrs. Summerbolt! Please don’t incinerate me!’

(Hikaru) ‘-Mom, what video are you talking about?’

(Saya) ‘-Someone managed to film the whole battle you had at the construction site.’

(Seiren) ‘-In our defense for what happened there, if I and Hikaru hadn’t released our devas beyond the limit of our chips, we wouldn’t have been able to stop those bastards. The destruction they caused wasn’t going to be contained to the construction site then! The police should be giving us medals for what we did instead of putting us in a cell!!’

(Saya) ‘-Hold it, kid. Your actions at the construction site were labeled as self-defense. And surprisingly even for me, you did manage to contain the damage to the area to a minimum. While the overuse of your devas can’t be fully excused, that’s not the main issue. It’s about the place where that ray of white energy sent Yuki.’

(Hikaru) ‘-You know about that?’

(Saya) ‘-I read the reports from your questioning.’

(Seiren) ‘-They just gave you access to those?’

(Saya) ‘-I have some connections in the police, luckily for you three. But that alone won’t be enough to get you out of this.’

(Yuki) ‘-I have no memories of what I did or where but I don’t think I sent that ray here. If it has caused any damage …’

(Saya) ‘-Things would be even worse if it had. The problem is the place where it hit the city. Do you know what lies under that park?’

(Seiren) ‘-Dirt?’

The irritating remarks from the perverted bastard kept on coming.

(Saya) ‘-Very smart, Seiren. The back-up for the chip signal antenna is buried there. That ray almost reached it when it dug into the ground.’

(Yuki) ‘-An antenna for the chips in our bodies?’

(Saya) ‘-How much does she know about the chips?’

(Hikaru) ‘-I didn’t tell her about the antenna so as to not burden her with too much information.’

(Saya) ‘-Well, then, Yuki, in order to limit our devas, these chips need to receive a signal from somewhere. There is a main antenna in the highest place near the city for that purpose. In case it fails, there is a back-up emitter buried somewhere under Deckstoru, its location never being disclosed to the civilians. Turns out that back-up is buried under that same park where you showed up today.’

(Seiren) ‘-And they think we’ve got something to do with that?!’

(Saya) ‘-Yes. The police believe that ray hitting the park and the attack on that square are connected somehow and since the three of you were involved in both, the blame is going to fall on you. The ordinari from the city are pissed off as hell and are demanding that deviants are arrested and questioned, suspecting there may be some mass deviant conspiracy going on right now.

As for the three of you, they’re calling for life-sentences at minimum as the main culprits, although you’re underage. When I came in here, there were already crowds of hundreds of protesters outside the precinct. As well as reporters from a couple of TV stations. Things are really getting nuts out there. (she made a signaling motion and soon enough a police officer showed up, Saya nodding to him, after which he unlocked the trio’s cell) I’ve arranged for the three of you to be released for now, so I suggest you get out there and deal with the situation.’

Yuki’s face was the one that screamed disbelief the most out of all the three.

(Yuki) ‘-But we’re just three deviant teenagers. How can we change all this for the better?’

Saya shrugged with a smile.

(Saya) ‘-I just came to get you out. What you’ll do from there is your job. But someone has to take responsibility.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Alright, then. Let’s get out there and finish his.’

(Seiren) ‘-I think we’re the ones who’re gonna get finished.’

(Hikaru) ‘-At least something will end.’

(Yuki) ‘-I’m not letting you two out there alone. I still have too big of a debt to pay.’

Realizing those two were heading into trouble, this girl’s behavior changed completely. It was like the scaredy-cat she met earlier was someone else.

Saya felt relief when she saw that. A person like her was what Hikaru and Seiren needed. And maybe Deckstoru needed that, too.

(Saya) ‘-That’s the spirit, brats! (she pushed the three down the hall, looking very pleased) Now make me proud!!’

As all four of them made their way out of the building, they were met by a real human tempest that had covered the steps of the precinct and surrounded it on all sides.

Just as Saya had said, there were ordinari protesters, some carrying cardboards with messages like ‘Having a deva is a crime!’, ‘Justice for the square attack’, ‘Get the deviants out!!!’ and so on, others simply shouting out deviant-oriented insults or insults regarding the incompetence of the police and government to deal with the situation.

There were reporters of TV stations but at this point it looked like there were representatives of at least 10 different stations, there even being a helicopter for one of the stations up in the air.

Surprisingly there were also deviant fan groups in favor of the trio which were mostly comprised of people their age or just a bit older, all of them along with the members of the other groups being somehow contained for the moment by a hundred policemen or so.

The containment line was broken as the main stars came outside, the officers practically being run over by a stampede which went straight for the young hot heads.

Seeing that he had fans, Seiren seemed to enjoy the whole situation for about four seconds, after which the protesters and reporters reached him, Yuki and Hikaru.

(Random reporter) ‘-How does it feel to be a convict at this age, Seiren?’

(Random reporter #2) ‘-What’s your relationship with the white-haired girl? And what about with Hikaru Summerbolt?’

(Random reporter #3) ‘-How do your parents feel about this situation?’

(Seiren) ‘-Cool it, people! That’s too many questions at a time!’

(Random protester) ‘-There are too many deviants in this city at a time, Blackscale!!’

(Random protester #2) ‘-So do us a favor and just get out!’

(Random protester #3) ‘-Get back in your damn cells and never come out again!!!’

(Random protester #4) ‘-And take the rest of your kind with you!!!’

(Seiren) ‘-That won’t happen because we’re not in the wrong here. What I and these two did is another example of us deviants protecting the ordinari that hate us so much from a threat!

What we get in return is a number of accusations that don’t have anything to do with us!! Quite honestly, I’m fine with that but don’t go accusing all deviants in the city for being involved in some non-existent plot against the ordinari!!!’

Yuki also stepped up then, inspired by Seiren’s words.

(Yuki) ‘-If you want to direct your anger towards someone, let it be just us three! We’ll accept whatever punishment you think we deserve!!!’

As Saya expected, Hikaru intervened to mediate between the positions of his friends.

(Hikaru) ‘-Now that’s going a bit far, Yuki! I think the point here is, though, that there’s no need for the peace between deviants and ordinari in Deckstoru to be broken over an event like this!

We dealt with the attack from the unknown enemy, the police will deal with us and with the transfer of the back-up emitter for the chips’ signal to another secret location, so it’s safe to say this whole issue has been resolved! Why don’t we just …’

The protesters had started throwing things at the trio after what Yuki had said about them taking all the punishment, just as Hikaru was talking a small rock being thrown at the spiky-haired teenager, hitting him on the forehead.

The hit wasn’t anything too heavy but Saya already knew what this was going to unleash, taking a step back and pulling the worried Yuki to her.

(Saya) ‘-You might want to stand back for this one, Yuki. I think negotiations are over.’

Hikaru’s head had bent down after the rock had hit him and his expression wasn’t clearly visible, suddenly his whole body being cloaked in lightning bolts as he charged against the ranks of the protesters with a maddened face and clenched fists.


(Yuki) ‘-Hikaru, wait! Should you be releasing so much power with your wounds?’

Seiren jumped right after his rival as more and more people attacked both of them, the fans of the duo attacking the protesters, the police trying to break off the fight while the reporters were trapped in the middle of this melee.

(Seiren) ‘-We won’t make them back off unless we scare them and for that we need power, Yuki!’

(Yuki) ‘-That’s great! They just can’t help but get into trouble!! Do all negotiations between deviants and ordinari end like this?!’

(Saya) ‘-Not all of them end so violently but when a Summerbolt or Blackscale is involved, it pretty much ends like this, yeah. (Saya sighed and cracked her knucklebones) Might as well join them because those two won’t be able to handle this alone.’

Iceflame nodded as the two women jumped in the crowd and joined the fight with an initial focus on keeping the protesters away from Hikaru and Seiren.

That was until Saya released a burst of bright yellow flames from her hands, throwing a number of people aside with burning clothes, drawing more attention to herself.

(Yuki) ‘-Mrs. Summerbolt, what are you doing?’

(Saya) ‘-Call me Saya! And don’t go easy on these freaks or they won’t learn anything! Piss ‘em off a lot if you want to keep them away from the boys! (she hit another protester in the face with a fist enveloped in her special type of flames, knocking him down over three more) Like this!!’

Now a part of the protesters directed their attacks toward her, the police officers making use of their anti-deva weapons as a response to the increasing violence.

(Random protester #5) ‘-Who the hell is this crazy woman?!’

(Saya) ‘-The mother of that shithead over there! And I’m here to educate you ordinari bastards on what Summerbolt-style negotiations look like! We’ll beat you till you give up and say we’re in the right! Anyone in need of a lesson, come right here!!’

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
1105 Reviews

Points: 90339
Reviews: 1105

Tue May 24, 2022 12:53 pm
View Likes
IcyFlame wrote a review...

Hello again! Seeing how many of these I can get through today :)

Nurse Saya Summerbolt finished her late shift in the Deckstoru Central Hospital without any particularly disturbing patient cases for the day and was getting ready to go home for some nice rest during the coming weekend.

I like the jumping to other POVs but I can't help but feel this came very quickly after the shift to Grak and then back to our trio. If this is the kind of flow you intend to keep up for the rest of the novel I think it will work once I've gotten used to it, but otherwise it might feel a little jarring. Hopefully I can update you on that once I'm further through, so watch this space!

Having said that, I do think having her perspective leading up to her finding them in a cell works well and helps to tie the story together. I do find the fact she knows her son has a rival and refers to him in those terms to be interesting as I'd kind of assumed that it was just something they somewhat childishly called each other.

(Hikaru) ‘-You … you came for meeeee!!!’

Overuse of the letter e and the repeated exclamation marks don't really work in speech in my opinion. I would suggest only using something like this when a character is reading/writing.

Saya's character overall is strange - I didn't expect her to be so well connected with the police and I'm hoping we get some more clarity on that given that the police are (as far as I'm aware) ordinari.

The antenna is a good plot device, and it now seems like we've reached the crux of what the novel is going to be about so I think pacing has been good in that regard. I'm going to see how many more chapters I can get through until my laptop restarts with an update!


SalisRuinen says...

Appreciate the review!
Yes, POVs are going to switch with pretty much every chapter, so everyone can get a chance to shine %u2013 something I firmly believe in. The big three along with several others will get the most focus, though, so I don't think it should be too hard to follow.
Your note about the letter e and the exclamation marks will be put to use, I guarantee.
There is a reason behind Saya's connection with the police who are (mostly) ordinari as you said, but that will be revealed later on.
And lastly, these are just opening chapters, so keep in mind what happens in them, but know that the true essense of the story is yet to be revealed.

User avatar
36 Reviews

Points: 301
Reviews: 36

Mon Feb 28, 2022 6:55 am
VengefulReaper wrote a review...

Hi, just here to leave a quick review.

This chapter took on a very political vibe, exploring the political alignments of the ordinari and the deviants. It feels more and more like the mutants from X-men. Something I did find interesting was the tension between the two parties even though they're in a time of peace. I can only assume that tension is going to be released in another war of sorts (Possibly sparked by Hikaru and Saya's aggressive negotiations *Cough cough*).

It also seems by the looks of it that the Summerbolt and Blackscale families have a reputation amongst the ordinari. Perhaps, they're known for their aggressive, vigilante-like methods of helping deviants and ordinari alike?

As for Saya... Definitely a 'shoot first ask questions later' kind of person. Her connections with the police confuse me. I thought ordinari and deviants were polarized races that didn't like interacting let alone having 'connections' with them. But that's a nitpick so don't worry about that.

Try to vary your sentence length. A lot of your descriptive sentences are quite complex/compound. Spacing it out with shorter sentences can help improve the pace and engage the reader.

Hikaru’s head had bent down after the rock had hit him and his expression wasn’t clearly visible, suddenly his whole body being cloaked in lightning bolts as he charged against the ranks of the protesters with a maddened face and clenched fists.

This could probably be broken up into 2 or 3 shorter sentences so it is easier to follow. A few people here have told me to vary my sentence length in my works because I also have a tendency of writing several long sentences in my chapters.

Overall, a good follow-up chapter to the last one and I am looking forward to more. The reveal of an antenna transmitting to individual chips seems sensible. If they could disable the antennas in the area (they already know where one is), they could take down the dampener field. Though, what that would mean for relations between ordinari and deviants could decide whether taking it down is worth it or not.

As always, Thanks for the read and keep writing!
The reaper sends his regards...

SalisRuinen says...

Thanks for the review!
The Summerbolt and Blackscale families have a reputation among both deviants and ordinari. In time you will learn how big their reputation actually is.
As for Saya's connections with the police, that's connected to a very important secret from her past that has deliberately been kept from Hikaru. When she reveals the truth to him, you'll know what I'm talking about.
Sorry about the long sentences again! I'm trying to pay attention to them and break them down into shorter ones every time, but I guess I've still got ways to go. An old habit of mine is not breaking down a sentence shorter than four rows which is probably excessive, so thanks for pointing out that even shorter ones need breaking down. I'll keep it in mind.

User avatar
688 Reviews

Points: 55355
Reviews: 688

Sat Feb 26, 2022 4:58 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Well it was something. I wasn't expecting it to go in this way(again, I know) but Saya actually seems to be a fiery woman.

At first I would like to talk about world building. It's going along quite smoothly. I really like how you are paying a great amount of attention to the relation between the ordinari and the deviants. It kind of feels like colonization. The behaviour of both the ordinari and the deviants feel like that. You have got a good picture of colonization.

And now this mother. Wow, she seems to be quite a kind of person. I was genuinely confused about the police connection. Like the police are allowed to have those connections with the deviants and all? Ah perhaps, I was just not seeing the world as that but it seems pretty natural if we talk about colonization. There were indeed some connections, some bad some good. Well, what is it in this case? For what reason exactly did the police help Saya? I just feel pity for these ordinaries. The police actually caused a lot of disadvantages to their own people by allowing Saya. Hmm... I wonder about these ordinaries though. I mean were they aware of everything that happened? Or are they just representatives who have been tempted by media and the talk in the road and came here to protest. Either way works. I was just a bit curious. This woman seems to be a pretty bossy woman, I don't know why. But I have to say the last part was very funny. She was literally challenging everyone to come and fight her. The Summeebolts actually have a very bad way of dealing with people xD. She has a good deva though. Straight away burning of people's clothes is actually an advantage if we talk about devas.

There's this one thing which we got to know from here. The deviants actually know a lot about the ordinaries and their secrets. It's quite a disadvantage for the ordinari. On the other hand, the ordinari probably don't know a lot about the deviants' secrets.

And finally the plot. Well, maybe they are going to get out of it using their superpowers, devas I mean. But this is actually not going to have any good effect on their future. They are going to be quite infamous from now on among the ordinaries and this is going to affect Yuki too. The ordinari should have seen it from their POV too. I definitely see, bad colonizers. Overall, this was a humorous chapter. Had a good time reading it.

Keep Writing!!


SalisRuinen says...

Thank you for the review!
The connections with the police Saya mentioned are related to a very important secret about her past that has purposefuly been kept hidden from Hikaru. When she decides to tell him, all will be revealed.
The ordinari protesters at the precinct only know about the attack on the square and the battle at the construction site which is enough of an excuse for them to start pushing for the punishment of deviants. Only the police know about the fact the ray that sent Yuki to Deckstoru almost reached the back-up for the chip signal antenna for now.
Saya is indeed very bossy, mostly because she's the head of the Summerbolt family and the most responsible and practical person among them, so she always takes the lead and gives commands to others. And as she proved, negotiations are not really the Summerbolts' style due to their temper.
About the deviants and ordinari's level of informedness, the truth is both sides know some things about the other and don't know other things.
This whole situation will be resolved soon but you'll have to wait till the next chapter to see how it's going to happen ...!

User avatar
41 Reviews

Points: 350
Reviews: 41

Sat Feb 26, 2022 2:30 pm

The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown