Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

18+ Language Violence

Iceflame// Chapter 5: A Warm Welcome

by SalisRuinen


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

Yuki had experienced a number of shocking things for the couple of hours she had spent in Deckstoru after waking up with no memory of who she was.

Seiren had tried to grope her, Hikaru had teleported her away from policemen who were looking for her, a group of soldiers had kidnapped her for unknown reasons and at the moment she was using her newfound ability – an ice deva – to finish off the leader of those soldiers.

Having put that leader atop a 15-meter ice spike she had created herself, the baby doll thought there would be no more surprises for that day.

Then he shot a thick chain with multiple spikes on it and a spear tip at the end from his mouth, sending it straight to the white-haired beauty at a very high speed.

Hikaru and Seiren roared with their full might, having just smashed a fist enveloped in each one’s deva in the enemy’s head but still seeing the attack he had sent to Iceflame.

The two managed to send streams of their elements down the thick chain which led to its disintegration, the spear tip breaking off and cutting Yuki’s shoulder, after which it fell to the ground.

The rivals were on their way to fall to the ground as well, the baby doll’s focus turning to them as fast as they had reacted to save her, jumping up high and grabbing them both by the necks.

She landed back on the ground and let them go, neither one having suffered any damage from the landing thanks to the lady of ice.

The same could not be said for the villain who led the soldiers Yuki had been fighting until recently, Hikaru and Seiren’s attack having destroyed a part of the ice spike which had now crumbled behind the trio, the chainman having fallen amidst the ice shards and a puddle of his own blood.

The three stepped closer to him as he made several unsuccessful attempts to get up.

Eventually he realized that wasn’t going to happen due to the severity of his wounds which made him smile while sighing.

(Grak) ‘-Not bad at all, brats. Not bad.’

(Seiren) ‘-Time for some answers, I think. Why don’t you start by telling us who sent you and what do they want with Yuki?’

(Grak) ‘-If your sole interrogation technique is asking questions, boy, you won’t get far.’

(Seiren) ‘-I can always hurt you a lot more than I already have.’

(Yuki) ‘-Seiren …’

(Seiren) ‘-What?! They opened fire on civilians! They tried to take you away! Almost killed all three of us!!’

(Grak) ‘-Nice drive, boy. I like that. I would’ve loved to have had some fun being interrogated by you but I’m afraid I won’t be able to stick around till the end.’

He pressed a button on the device on the side of his belt, causing the bodies of all his men lying around and his own to be enveloped by pale green energy, by the time the energy disappeared, all that was left of the bodies being small piles of ash.

(Seiren) ‘-What did they just …’

(Hikaru) ‘-It looks like mass suicide.’

(Seiren) ‘-With the push of a button? I’ve never seen tech like this!’

(Hikaru) ‘-Whoever they’re working for must be hell-bent on concealing their identity.’

(Yuki) ‘-And you two … don’t you know the limit of usage after which you can’t use your deva at all? You seemed like you had completely exhausted your powers up there.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Yeah. Thanks for saving us, Yuki. The truth is we’ve gone overboard before but have never fully exhausted our powers until now.’

(Yuki) ‘-You saved me right after I did that and many times before, so I’d hardly call us even.’

(Seiren) ‘-We’ll deal with that later. Let’s focus on what we’re gonna do right now.’

(Yuki) ‘-I say we go back to the square and see if the people there are okay.’

(Seiren) ‘-Yuki, you’re in enough trouble as it is! The police may already be back at the square and that’s where you want to go?!’

(Yuki) ‘-Didn’t you say we’re supposed to help each other out?’

(Seiren) ‘-I meant me and Hikaru! That doesn’t mean you need to get involved in this, too!’

(Yuki) ‘-I’d say I’m pretty involved as it is, Seiren. So I’ll do what I can.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Well, let’s start by …’

That’s when Yuki heard the sound of sirens, realizing they were mixed with another sound, only now both her and the rivals noticing the activated alarm lights and sounds of the deva sensors in the area.

The sound of the sirens drew closer, turning out it came from a number of police cars that pulled over at the remains of the construction site.

At least twenty policemen dressed in uniforms in gray and dark green got off the cars and pointed their anti-deva weapons at the three who looked at each other again, smiles on their faces.

(Random police officer) ‘-Hands in the air! And don’t move a millimeter of anything else after you’ve raised them!!’

(Seiren) ‘-Welcome to the party, Yuki. This is what everyday life for deviants in Deckstoru looks like.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Not for all deviants, but it definitely counts for us.’

(Yuki) ‘-Looks like a lot of fun, boys. Guess I’ll stick around.’

That sounded fun and very adventurous when she said it but only seconds later several police officers pushed her and her friends on the ground and put cuffs of a similar design to the ones the white-haired beauty’s kidnappers had used earlier on their wrists.

She felt the same prick on her wrists like when she was cuffed back in the helicopter. The pain from that was sharper now however, probably because she wasn’t in a state of shock this time.

The amnesiac guessed the pain was caused by some sort of small needles that came out of the inside of the cuffs, realizing that it was those needles that were used to neutralize her deva.

Those cuffs weren’t going to neutralize her increased strength and speed because they were most likely of the standard type but fleeing a scene like the one she and the boys had left along with those two wouldn’t lead to anything good.

Iceflame could only hope the police would give the trio some credit for taking care of the villains who had opened fire on civilians on the square and give them a pass.

They did.

They gave them a pass for one of the holding cells inside the precinct but only after Hikaru and Seiren were given basic treatment for their wounds and Yuki underwent a certain procedure in her own right.

Two officers escorted her to a room with a number of medical devices and equipment of different kinds inside and strapped her to the operation table in the center, a man who wasn’t police judging by his white coat entering the same room soon enough.

Were they going to perform a deviant test on her?

Yuki thought it would be redundant at this point and even if they were going to examine her, she would not struggle against that at all.

She was willing to cooperate with anyone who didn’t wear creepy helmets and open fire on innocent people.

(Yuki) ‘-Um … if I may ask … why exactly am I here? If you’re going to torture me to talk, there’s no need. I’ll tell you everything.’

(The doctor) ‘-Well, aren’t you cooperative. Don’t worry. We’re not monsters. No one in here is going to torture you.

We’re just … taking precautions. As per the law valid in our and pretty much every other country in the world.’

(Yuki) ‘-Which law is that?’

The man who had been talking to the baby doll up until that point suddenly pressed a pistol-like medical device to the side of her neck.

(The doctor) ‘-All verified deviants must have an output-limiting chip in them.’

Yuki immediately ripped the straps tying her to the bed but the man holding the pistol-like device injected something in her before she could stop him, the two officers taking out the short sticks attached to the outer side of their right boots, turning out those sticks were expendable batons.

Iceflame leapt at the man who had injected her, suddenly feeling a wave of heat passing through her whole body, followed by great pain which made her fall to her knees, the man taking a sigh of relief for being released from her grip while the officers loomed on both her sides.

(The doctor) ‘-Sorry about that. Nowadays we use nanotechnology for the chips to ensure the injection is painless even for babies but the effect the chip has once it enters the bloodstream … (he grinned while saying that) … I’m afraid it will be quite different for a fully grown individual with a released deva compared to a baby with still-dormant deva-genes.’

She was starting to feel numb from the pain and the hit from the batons, that felt like they were enveloped in some kind of energy and electricity, at the back of her head, made her completely lose consciousness.

*

When the white-haired beauty woke up, she was put between Hikaru and Seiren, the three of them sitting on the bench attached to the wall which was the only piece of furniture in the cell they were being held in, large parts of each of the rivals’ bodies being wrapped-up in bandages.

They had rather dull expressions on their faces but livened up once they saw Yuki was awake.

(Seiren) ‘-Welcome back to the shitty real world, girl.’

(Yuki) ‘-Seiren? Are we … this is a cell, isn’t it?’

(Hikaru) ‘-Don’t worry, Yuki. It’s our first time in a cell as well, so it’s still strange for us, too.’

(Yuki) ‘-Hikaru, they … earlier … I think they put a chip in me.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Figures. Ordinari wouldn’t just let a chipless deviant wander around, even though you’re in a cell right now.’

(Yuki) ‘-These cuffs … do they completely nullify our deva abilities?’

(Seiren) ‘-Yep.’

(Yuki) ‘-I am so sorry … I know saying it won’t change anything at this point … but everything that happened back there … what’s happening to you guys right now … it’s all my fault.’

(Hikaru) ‘-You didn’t make us follow you after they captured you.’

(Seiren) ‘-And you didn’t make us help you ever since Summerbolt found you. That was our choice. You should actually be proud of yourself.’

(Yuki) ‘-I should?’

(Seiren) ‘-You’ve got multiple devas, baby! That’s a goddamn gift from the heavens!! Superstrength, superspeed and an ice deva?! That’s just sheer madness!

You train hard enough and you’ll be unstoppable even with a chip in you!’

Yuki turned her eyes to Hikaru for a moment who had a thoughtful expression while Seiren had been praising the baby doll.

(Yuki) ‘-Hikaru? Are you okay?’

(Seiren) ‘-What’s the matter, mad bastard? Can’t handle the fact my girl here’s gonna become stronger than you?’

(Hikaru) ‘-I would welcome that. That way I’ll be able to enjoy watching her kick your ass every time you try to make a move on her.

I was thinking about something else, actually. How what you have isn’t really a superstrength or superspeed deva, Yuki.’

(Yuki) ‘-What?’

(Seiren) ‘-Hold it, Yuki. You don’t want to interrupt the bastard while he’s giving one of his genius explanations.’

(Hikaru) ‘-I’ll strangle you if you interrupt me again, Blackscale. That’s for sure.’

‘-Shut it, damn brats.’

That didn’t come from any of them. A cold voice coming from the corridor outside the cell said those words.

And as Yuki and her friends listened in, they could hear the approaching footsteps of the one who had said it.

Suddenly the lights in the corridor started to blink and within a few seconds all of them had gone out.

The sound of the footsteps had also stopped.

The trio heard the sound of a fist hitting against someone’s palm and with that a burst of bright yellow flames formed in front of them, illuminating a woman that looked around thirty years old, had an outfit in dark purple and yellow, skin and long straight hair without a fringe the same color as Hikaru’s, and fiery-red eyes, currently having the most terrifying angry expression on her face.

(Saya) ‘-WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FU**ING IMBECILES?!?!!’

(Hikaru) ‘-Mom?!’

(Yuki) ‘-That’s Hikaru’s mom?!’

(Seiren) ‘-We’re all gonna die!!!’


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1105 Reviews


Points: 90339
Reviews: 1105

Donate
Tue May 24, 2022 12:39 pm
View Likes
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Chapter five here we go!

Yuki had experienced a number of shocking things for the couple of hours she had spent in Deckstoru after waking up with no memory of who she was.

Seiren had tried to grope her, Hikaru had teleported her away from policemen who were looking for her, a group of soldiers had kidnapped her for unknown reasons and at the moment she was using her newfound ability – an ice deva – to finish off the leader of those soldiers.

This works as a nice recap of what's happened so far. There's been a lot of action recently so I think the start of this chapter is really important in grounding us in the story.

Having put that leader atop a 15-meter ice spike she had created herself, the baby doll thought there would be no more surprises for that day.

Then he shot a thick chain with multiple spikes on it and a spear tip at the end from his mouth, sending it straight to the white-haired beauty at a very high speed.

I appreciate here that you're trying to use different terms to describe her rather than just using her name but I think it becomes a bit too much here. I also don't think you need to recap quite as much of the fight as you have here; we've already read about it (and only in the last chapter) so it starts to feel a bit repetitive.

The character interaction was good though, and it made sense that an organisation such as that one would want to protect their secrets to the point that they would die before sharing them. But did Grak really think that these three were such a threat that he had to wipe out the whole team? He says it himself, asking questions isn't a good form of interrogation. Surely they could have survived that?

I'm surprised to see Hikaru's mum come in at the end of this as that was not who I was expecting at all! I don't know how she's involved or if she just came to bail them out but I guess I'm about to find out.

Icy




SalisRuinen says...


Thanks for the review!
About using different names for the characters, that's something I do with each one, because I don't like reading through a text with the same name being repeated over and over in close proximity. I think the readers won' like repetitions like that as well, so I came up with this idea to solve the problem. I hope it won't be an issue for you as you read along.
I recapped the fight to show Yuki's perspective on it, but maybe I went a bit overboard with that. It will be fixed soon enough.
Grak initially underestimated the trio, but when he saw how serious Seiren was about torturing him, he decided to not take any chances of intel being leaked, so that's why he killed himself along with his men.



User avatar
688 Reviews


Points: 55355
Reviews: 688

Donate
Wed Feb 23, 2022 4:34 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!

It is continuing in a great manner. I really liked the overall flow of this chapter and the whole novel(till this point) as well. Seems like we are digging more into the mystery and are quite seeing different aspects of the world building.

Hm.. these deviants are seriously in a pathetic condition. I don't know if I said that but seems like there are even divisions between them. And also, they are kind of very seperate and secret from one another. Also, there's secrecy inside those divisions. So, this person probably died... I am not sure of that green thing that happened and nor are they. So, if it's mass suicide, it is okay but if something else happened, it's not okay at all. If somehow these people manage to transport the news to their superiors, it's not going to be a very good thing for the trio. One another thing which I noticed is the fact that these people appear to be a mixture of the deviants and the ordinaris. Like they have the powers of deviants. They have devas. They also have a very advanced technology. I wonder what is going to come in our way.

And now this arrest. This arrest was rather intriguing. I was actually very much expecting them that they are just going to teleport but all the actions happened way too fast for them to act. So, that's a very bad thing. By the way, how did the ordinaris know about the source of power of the deviants? I mean to neutralize the effect of something, we need to know the source. But magic being restricted with the help of technology is indeed a new subject which I haven't thought of earlier.

Oh Yuki is in a bad condition. I feel bad for her. Jer powers were limitless and that was so cool. But now, alas, a semi colon has come into our way. I hope it's not going to prove itself the full stop. Yuki is definitely going to regret all these. Now I am really hoping that it would have been better if Yuki had faciliated the kidnap. In that way, there wouldn't have been any chaos and also these people could get to know about these secret committee or whatever.

Finally we have Hikaru's mother. I have to admit that Seiren's dialogue threw me out of the track. I was thinking that this person came to rescue these people but eh, I am not very sure now. I wonder what is going to happen. Hopefully, that was just a panicking dialogue of Seiren because Hikaru's mother was a bit of angry person or something.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




SalisRuinen says...


Thanks for the review!!
Grak's platoon consisted entirely of ordinari, only him, the leader, being a deviant. And that is strange indeed. Dangerous, as well.
The ordinari have had ample time to analyze the deviants' powers and find ways to neutralize them. More about how that happened will be revealed in time, but just to point out, devas are not magic. They have nothing to do with magic. They are abilities based in a person's genes and the manner they are used in is very different from magic (no use of incantations, magic circles/symbols, etc.).
Yuki couldn't have stayed in an ordinari-controlled place without a chip in her indefinitely, so putting a chip in her was a matter of time. As Hikaru and Seiren proved, though, so long as one's crazy enough, they can go beyond the limit of their chip at the expense of a lot of pain!
About Hikaru's mother, you can expect just about anything from her.



User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 301
Reviews: 36

Donate
Wed Feb 23, 2022 1:16 pm
VengefulReaper wrote a review...



Hi, just here to leave a quick review

A good follow-up chapter overall and I think you did well wrapping up the fight that ended on a cliffhanger in the last chapter. I do think that the fights thus far have been very well portrayed and you do a good job incorporating devas into every attack.

And then they commit suicide! There goes that trail. It's clear these guys don't want anybody leaking any info about them. I think this isn't the last we have seen of this organization (I hope!) because I really like the threat they bring to our characters that I don't feel with the police. As for Grak, it's a shame he had to die because I really liked his deva and he was really threatening till the end.

It's cool that Yuki (our MC) is a special deviant in the sense that she has multiple devas though it seems to be more than that since Hikaru was questioning the source of her super strength and speed.

I like how you take the time to mention small details like deviant cuffs and anti-deva weapons. They just inform the reader that ordinari's have developed an entire system to deal with deviants. It's also interesting that the chip injection hurts more for active devas than for dormant devas.

I like that there is still character consistency in the fact that Hikaru and seiren still have their rivalry even in prison. Also, it seems that Hikaru's mom has a fire deva which should be interesting to explore more. An angry mom is bad enough... We don't need one with supernatural powers too xD.

Overall, a good follow-up chapter that has the biggest plot twist so far...Making Hikaru's mom the villain lmao. In all seriousness though, a piece of advice that I might have forgotten to mention in the last chapter was to try to break up long fights with some dialogue or thoughts. It helps the reader take a break from the description and also adds a level of psychology to the fight.

As always, thanks for the read and keep writing!!
The Reaper sends his regards...




SalisRuinen says...


Thank you for the review!
About the organization Grak's platoon is a part of, not to worry. You'll see plenty more of them.
More about Yuki's abilities will be revealed as more knowledgeable people take a look at her in the future. And Hikaru and Seiren's rivalry will go on forever, I do dare say. Many things in the story may change but the tension between those two just won't disappear.
As for Hikaru's mom %u2013 you can expect just about anything from her.
Thanks for your advice about the dialogue during fights as well! I'll be sure to follow that.



User avatar
41 Reviews


Points: 350
Reviews: 41

Donate
Tue Feb 22, 2022 11:22 pm



"The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle of a sentence."
— John Green, Paper Towns