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Out of Sight

by Hkumar


the secret flowers preserved
in deep trenches of the ocean
away from the warmth of sunlight
seek not if you can't protect them,

in lieu of blooming on land
they shall perish by the touch
of your cold, apathetic hands
destroying all that it conceals,

they hide secrets untold
and stories left incomplete,
echoes from a dying heart
held within its frail petals,

don't explore these depths
for it can bring a tsunami of
emotions back to the surface
engulfing all that comes in it's way.


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Mon Mar 14, 2022 2:35 pm
Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



Hi Hkumar,

First off Hkumar my suggestion was Hkumar the poem was alright hkumar but really its a vibe poem and let me tell you why hkumar the secret flowers preserved
in deep trenches of the ocean
away from the warmth of sunlight
seek not if you can't protect them,

in lieu of blooming on land
they shall perish by the touch
of your cold, apathetic hands
destroying all that it conceals, Hkumar like my suggestion just imagine making a song to it i think of it as a vibe poem Hkumar.

My Compliment Hkumar is that reading this made me realize Hkumar is that what i really want for you Hkumar is a type of vibe poem so that i can really enjoy reading it Hkumar.

Good luck writing Hkumar! <33 :wink:




Hkumar says...


Thanks for the compliment <3 Can you tell me more about how you interpreted the imagery and the underlying message of the poem :)



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Wed Jan 26, 2022 8:42 pm
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lliyah says...



(I really like this poem!)




Hkumar says...


Thanks <3



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Mon Jan 17, 2022 1:35 am
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AlmostImmortal wrote a review...



Hello! Lorde here with a short review.

First of all, I love the air of mystery this poem has. The idea of these flowers blooming along a deep ocean trench, where there is no light, and you can scarcely tell which way is up, creates a vivid image in your head—the feeling of water pressure and that muffled sound of being submerged in water. I can see the petals wilt as soon as you touch them, falling even deeper into the depths of the void.

Secondly, you've created a clear sense of danger. If you touch these flowers, not only do you lose them, you are met with a "tsunami of emotions." It reminds me of dealing with traumatic memories, trying to reach for them in your head only to find you have no details, only the pain and the hurt left behind. You didn't answer any of your questions; you only hurt yourself. Even if that's not how you meant it, it's quite beautiful.

Happy writing!
Lorde




Hkumar says...


Thanks for the review and your interpretation is really good. <3





Of course. And thank you.



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Sun Jan 16, 2022 4:38 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Ooh..this sounds like it could be part of a story.I think it’s about not being emotionally ready for the truth,about being unprepared for what is to come.I liked the descriptions you used too,like the “cold,apathetic hands.” That part was really cool.I liked reading this poem you made.It’s descriptive and imaginative.I hope you have a great and wonderful day and night.




Hkumar says...


Thanks <3



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Sun Jan 16, 2022 10:46 am
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Rook wrote a review...



Hello!
I really enjoyed the visual of this poem, as if there are steps descending into the sea. This seems to be a poem perhaps about a painful or maybe just overwhelming emotion or memory that someone has hidden within themselves and if they were to try to face/resolve/confront this feeling or memory right now, they would not be successful in their resolution.
I read a lot of poetry that is really... abstract and metaphorical and most of the time I can't even begin to figure out what it was that the author wanted to convey. But this time, I feel like I have a pretty good idea at what the intended deeper meaning of this poem is. I think maybe it's just because it's so relatable to me and probably everyone else at this point in time in the world. Like, with the pandemic and everything, literally everybody within the reach of global society has been traumatized in some way or another. I desperately want to sort out all my feelings about it, but it's not over yet so I can't find the resolution and trying to do so would be antithetical to my purpose as it would only make me experience even more negative emotions.
I think one of the other reasons that I was able to understand and connect with this poem, unlike most of the heavily abstract and metaphorical poems I read, is you had more concrete images than I often see in these kinds of poems. In your first stanza, I have an image of a flower, the ocean, and sunlight. In the second, I have cold hands, in the third I have a heart and frail petals, in the fourth I have a tsunami. I think that these images are a little cliche/underdeveloped/could be stronger, but the point is that they're there! Now why not expand them a bit more, add more physical objects that you can see or touch or smell or taste (all the senses are important!) and let the metaphor speak for itself. It's hard to explain how to let a metaphor speak for itself. I of course will always recommend reading more poetry and seeing how other poets convey a metaphorical message in ways that don't sound preachy, moralistic, or "poetic." Really, it's all about reading widely and deeply and writing a bunch and then playing with your writing over and over again, changing everything, removing every other word: make it a sonnet, make it a haiku, break it down then build it up again. Write the same poem 20 times in 50 different ways, then pick your favorite of the lot and break that one down too.
Poetry is play so have fun with it!
The message in this poem really spoke to me, so I'm really excited to see what you might choose to do in revisions! Let me know how it goes. I hope this was helpful!
-Rook




Hkumar says...


Thanks for the wonderful review <3 You got the trauma part right and I get what you mean by playing more with metaphors. I'll keep that in my mind. :)



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Sat Jan 15, 2022 11:40 pm
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Super says...



This poem is perty good. I like the fact thatit tells you not to lie.; And that iut sayd bad will comeif you do. so gthat is why i like it . yoyu are gooid at writeing so please kep kitr up//




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Sat Jan 15, 2022 6:54 pm
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starlitmind says...



Oh, this is lovely <3




Hkumar says...


Thanks <3




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