z

Young Writers Society


12+

Auburn’s story-Eloise-The demented doll woman

by vampricone6783


*This is another unimportant origin story from my story “Eloise-the demented doll woman.” I will be posting four other important origin stories after this and then I will post different origin stories.

In the year 1985, there was a woman named Auburn Hayley, who lived in a house on a town called Nightmare Hill. Auburn had her nephew, Lycidas, coming to live with her. His parents sadly died in a car crash, so she was going to look after him.

She thought it'd be easy, since he was a teenager and could do more to take care of himself.

The only thing she wanted to warn him about was Eloise Blake.

Now, Auburn wasn't sure if she was real or a legend, but it'd be best to warn him for good measure.

Eloise Blake was a woman who lived during the 1960s. She used to own a boutique and turn children into clothes. Her spirit was said to possess a blond-haired mannequin in a black dress, searching for victims.

The  taxi cab pulled up in front of her house, taking her out of her thoughts, bringing to mind Lycidas.

Well, it was time to greet him and warn him of the horrid doll woman.

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701 Reviews

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Wed Jan 19, 2022 6:31 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Well, this was a very interesting one. Finally, we got to know why Eloise had that sort of behaviour towards children. Never in my dream did nI think that Eloise is such a cruel person that she would just turn children into clothes. If I am not wrong, this whole process was done through magic. That is without doubt very cruel thing to do. Murdering children and then turning them into clothes and then selling the clothes to people. I wonder if she didn't manage to turn a child into a cloth and then sell it to that particular child's mother. If she indeed managed to do that... it sounds barbaric. I wonder if there was any reason behind her doing all these things. Like she didn't do it reasonlessly. Did someone inspire her to do it? Or some spirit is responsible for it? It can work either way.

Oh the name of the town was a very interesting one. Like Nightmare Hill. Hm... the people living in that town will face a nightmare very soon. It's very clear from the name. However, I wonder if there was a reason beind giving the town that name. Like some past incident? Perhaps...

This was an intriguing one. It kinda made me wonder what really happened after Lycidas died. His aunt seems to be a very kind-hearted one. Seeing from that perspective, did she manage to understand or at least guess that it was Eloise who managed to bring this misfortune to her nephew. Probably she and her neighbours guessed it and they are going to do something to catch Eloise. However, if I am not much mistaken, Eloise only shows herself to the children. So, that is going to be a problem. That's all.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




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Sat Jan 15, 2022 4:49 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the year 1985,there was a woman named Auburn Hayley,who lived in a house on a town called Nightmare Hill.Auburn had her nephew,Lycidas,coming to live with her.His parents sadly died in a car crash,so she was going to look after him.

She thought it'd be easy,since he was a teenager and could do more to take care of himself.

The only thing she wanted to warn him about was Eloise Blake.

Now,Auburn wasn't sure if she was real or a legend,but it'd be best to warn him,for good measure.

Eloise Blake was a woman who lived during the 1960s.She used to own a boutique and turn children into clothes.Her spirit was said to possess a blond-haired mannequin in a black dress,searching for victims.

As the taxi cab pulled up in front of her house,taking her out of her thoughts,bringing Lycidas.

Well,it was time to greet him and warn him of the horrid doll woman.


Hmm...well it seems we've got something from the perspective of that aunt that we met in the earlier piece. This actually seems like it could have something a bit more exciting since this character is from a time after Eloise's death and with the whole mannequin situation happening in full force.

And well, reading through this...uhh...it seems we missed out on a few details I was hoping to see, but we do still got some intriguing details there, specifically about what I assume the general public of the area feels about Eloise and how they know here. I think I know perhaps finally understood what this title is all about with the demented doll situation...xD

Besides that, hmm, we don't have much happening and we don't quite get to see the way the aunt reacts after this one ends up captured by the doll either, I feel like you are missing out on quite some emotions you could included there and perhaps some sort of reaction to how people view attacks by this mannequin...but well, that's my two cents.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





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