Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Narrative

E - Everyone

Emerald Eyes

by Chairywrites


I was walking down the main hall of the castle to meet with the king. But when I passed a corner there before me sat a house cat black as night with a small tuft of white fur on its chest as if the first star after the setting sun. I was caught in some sort of spell as I couldn’t look away from the feline’s emerald eyes. The cat arose then spun around and began to wander off with its tail up as if beckoning me to shadow it. Without faltering, I accompanied it on its path. I was a man of wisdom and knowledge, but I trailed the animal without a thought of hesitation…. It was as if I was a mere child walking behind a friend to the fields. The cats’ pace started to quicken into a light jogging pace. I mimicked the cat not wanting to lose the feline, but it quickened again until it was in an all-out sprint. I again tried to match the cats’ pace but was outmatched, but still ran I needed to follow I needed to look into those eyes once more. Unfortunately, my robes had other plans for me as I fumbled and hit the cold stone floor. I opened my eyes expecting to see the cat dashing through the hallway, but all I see are my chambers. As I lay in my bed I look to my left wanting to see my wife. Sadly, all that lay there was the bedding and the small cat that was black with a small patch of white fur on its’ chest. It was the only thing I had left of her.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
154 Reviews


Points: 95
Reviews: 154

Donate
Sat Dec 04, 2021 7:13 pm
View Likes
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I loved this short story.This person,fascinated by the cat,must mean something to the narrator.You mentioned that the cat was the only thing left of the narrator’s wife.Maybe the wife had sparkling emerald eyes,like the cat.What if that cat was her pet in life? Another thing,I loved that it took place in medieval times,it gives the story a fairytale feel.I hope you have a good day/night.




User avatar
1032 Reviews


Points: 103525
Reviews: 1032

Donate
Sat Dec 04, 2021 12:15 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Chairywrites,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

First of all welcome here on YWS! I Hope you have fun here. :D

First of all, I would like to say that this is a very interesting and exciting story. I didn't think when I was at the beginning that the end would come in such a twist. You start with a good beginning and give me more questions about the meeting with the king and why there is never an answer. I like how you start describing the cat and thereby make a clear line under the actual path and continuation of the story.

It seems like a dream all at once, how the protagonist is chasing the cat. You've adapted your sentence structure well to the story, creating a very surreal moment and yet a tension that keeps you following along until the end. The result was very exciting at the end, because it raised new questions. So you're already creating a good idea here. (I'm just a bit questioning why the story is in Art and not in Short Story) :D

In general, you're doing something very interesting and mystical here, which I like very much. It gives the whole text a touch of fascination. Here are two points I noticed while reading:

But when I passed a corner there before me sat a house cat black as night with a small tuft of white fur on its chest as if the first star after the setting sun.

Here in the sentence I'm not sure, but something sounds very strange here. Either because it's a bit longer and there's so much happening or because there's just something somewhere that doesn't fit.

I mimicked the cat not wanting to lose the feline, but it quickened again until it was in an all-out sprint.

Here I like the sentence structure, how you follow what's happening in quick succession.

Have fun writing!

Mailice





Stupid risks make life worth living.
— Homer Simpson