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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 20.3

by HarryHardy


"Go, go go," said Aria.

She took the lead, carefully skirting around the edge of the plant. All of them had their weapons pointed firmly in the direction that they’d come, ready to shoot whatever it was that might be stalking them. Things in the forest appeared to be at a standstill as they inched their way towards an area out of range of the plant’s nearly invisible roots.

And then the forest exploded with activity, several creatures rushing at them. They looked like large lizards of some sort, moving towards them on all fours. Their scales were an obnoxious lime green color, and they had large reddish eyes. It was hard to tell if they were hostile or not, but one thing was certain, they were headed right for them, and the plant’s deadly roots were still too close for comfort.

“Crap, crap, crap,” said Aria, “everyone, whatever you do, don’t take any steps backward, and let’s try to pick these things off one by one, if they get too close, try to dive to the sides maybe, there’s a chance they might accidentally end up running right into the plant and then we might actually be able to use this monstrous flower to our advantage.”

“Good idea Aria,” said Harry, ‘ who knows, maybe these things are being drawn in by the flower somehow, there could be something, something pheromones involved, I don’t exactly remember, but I think some flowers do that to draw things in, or it might have been a superhero, I’m not sure.”

“Let’s hope it was the flower and not a superhero,” said Daisy.

“I think it’s definitely the flower, I remember that lesson too,” said Kate,” although…ahh” She was interrupted as all of them fired off several volleys from their weapons, sending a good few of the lizard creatures flying off screeching in pain. That was a good sign. It looked like the guns could do a fair bit of damage to them unlike the last creature they’d fought. That thing had required far too many hits to take down.

Harry dived forward after firing off the first volley, charging towards the lizards headed for him and putting a little bit more distance between him and the plant. He ducked behind a large tree just as three lizards charged for him. The lizards ran around the tree and tried to turn around to face him, but only one of them managed it. The other two, unable to change direction fast enough, barreled right towards the plants and its deadly roots sprang into action, snapping the creatures us and slamming them against the stem before Harry could even blink. There was a scream from someone as the other roots also started to move around and lift off the floor. The plant was now on the hunt.

“Whatever you do, stay away from those roots,” called out Aria.

“Thanks,” said Harry, “that’s a thought that never occurred to me.”

He could hear Daisy laugh from somewhere nearby and a smile came to his own face. As horrible as everything seemed to be getting, this escape was also somehow proving to be fun. He turned back to the creatures, aiming his weapon. A group of six charged at him, and he fired again, knocking down four.

Two of them managed to get through however, and before he knew it, they were jumping right at him.


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Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:33 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

We are building very much towards the climax here and creating a good and exciting situation. I would also like to say up front that I like the fact that the situation here is presented in a different light than in some of the more dicey situations in previous chapters.

You can see the danger immediately, which I think comes across well now that we've seen the unknown. Again, I like the dynamics and build-up here and despite the fact that Harry has taken over the POV here, we also have a shining moment from Aria here. I like how you let other characters shine through this who don't exactly need to be the focus.

But what I always miss in situations like this is more of the inner life of the characters. What do Harry and co. feel? Do they immediately think of some kind of end, that they're going to die, that they won't be able to complete the mission, or is there that spark of hope that lives in them that lets them survive? I think if you could manage to insert these moments a little better, you could create a lot more depth there. It doesn't always have to be in a train of thought, but can also come from someone throwing a question into the crowd that isn't directly answered, but you as a reader get the valuable information of what that character is thinking.

Other points I noticed while reading:

Things in the forest appeared to be at a standstill as they inched their way towards an area out of range of the plant’s nearly invisible roots.
And then the forest exploded with activity, several creatures rushing at them.

I really liked this section change. It turned out really well with a surprise that was expected but also unexpected, at least in this situation.

“Good idea Aria,” said Harry, ‘ who knows,

I guess that one part of the quotation mark didn´t take Aria´s advice… :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Thu Nov 25, 2021 4:40 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!

Things are getting a lot more exciting here and I guess something big is going to happen, in every moment I am getting that feeling but ah, seems like this is going to be a long wait. Anyway, to the review.

Ah okay, I don't understand why but I never really expected the sounds to belong to more than one creature. Like I guess it was somehow portrayed like that not to give reader the feeling that the creature can be more than one. And now, it seems like they are surrounded by an infinite number of whatever lizards they are.

Their plan actually succeeded. They indeed managed to put some animals into that plant. However, now the main concern is how the animals got to know about them and why the animals were chasing them. Well, from what I can imagine, either those animals were somehow made to recognize the smell of the humans or something like that and were trained to chase them or the noise did the job. And if none of those did it, I am totally clueless there. Now I guess that the plant will rest for some time and they will be able to get past that plant and escape.

Harry really manages to pull off the jokes at the oddest times. He never leaves a single chance to make a joke. And that now proved to be a bit of disadvantage to him. I was expecting that since a long time but not at all in such a vital condition. I hope that he will be okay, maybe he will not be able to shoot it but others are there to shoot them. So, let's be an optimist, that's the only way I can see in front of them. Not to mention, I don't really think that the creatures will be able to do something dangerous to Harry.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Ohh, this is all noise :D



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Wed Nov 24, 2021 8:41 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a rather exciting continuation of the story. There was a quite a bit action involved in this part and I am glad that we actually got to see it this time instead of just witnessing it from the background like with the creature from last time. I actually felt like I was fighting alongside them and that is a really good way to hook the readers in.

The pacing in this part was done very well. Harry's thoughts were very smoothly in tune and balanced with the action sequences and nothing felt out of place. Usually, while describing action scenes, there is a lot of nerves and twists and quick movements involved, and often it leads to a sort of confusion, where the readers can't really make out what happened until its over, and they sigh in relief anyway. This one however felt like it was well thought out and planned and synchronized with care.

However, I don't think they are supposed to enjoy this. As Harry mentioned, I think they are having too much fun in this escape mission, and I find that a little strange. Sure there is the adrenaline and the rush and the thrill of the action, but as first timers, I think they are having an unbelievably good time. I mean, they are joking and laughing while fighting alien creatures they have never seen before. Should they really be so relaxed? I have always admired their ability to make light of even the darkest of situations, but I think throwing them down a couple of times would spice things up a little. And it would make it more realistic too.

Overall, this was a really great continuation of the story. The ending again builds this anticipation in us as we wonder what is going to happen next. I am sure they will be fine though. How do I know that? Because they have always been fine until now (this is why I said I think you need to raise the stakes a bit. Or else your readers are going to take it for granted that whatever they face, they will come out right as rain, and that really destroys the thrill and the anticipation).

I have one tiny nitpick for you:

napping the creatures us and slamming them against the stem before Harry could even blink.

There is an 'us' after 'creatures' and I don't know what its doing there. Typo, I guess.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

Hmm...that's the plan...you've got to hit the readers with something when they least expect it...or at least I hope I time this stuff right :D. Making things too easy or too hard are both not great and I try to create a balance but hmm, perhaps it didn't quite work for this story...I might have to work on that for the third draft. :D




The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown