Young Writers Society

Hey, pineapple! It's been a while since I've reviewed anything, so I apologise in advance for how potentially ramble-ey this may turn out.

The poem was short but managed to convey the twisting wave of emotions that you experience as you fall in love with someone and then eventually move on. I really enjoyed how the contrast between each stanza was so stark, with each one outlining a different phase of the relationship and the corresponding emotions you experienced - with the first stanza talking about the narrator's disbelief in the very idea of love being flipped by this person, the second stanza covering the heady feeling of being with the person, the third stanza speaking of the relationship soured and quickly turned into a source for the narrator's grief, and the fourth one covering the process of moving on.

I enjoyed the simple, short way in which each line was written, which was very straightforward and blunt, pointing to the raw vulnerability that is expressed throughout the poem.

I really like when you likened the person to a rain cloud in the third stanza, suggesting how the initial feelings of love and affection darkened, like grey skies. Overall though, I think maybe some more imagery would be nice.

On the whole, it was a lovely read. Have a great day/night!

Happy writing! :>

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

This was a very striking poem! I loved the narrative within in and the progression it showed between stanzas. The consistency between stanzas with the line count and the repeating pattern at the end helped organize it into one cohesive storyline that worked brilliantly. Nice job!!

One thing I really enjoyed about this was the pattern you created with those ending lines. It was a nice touch throughout, and showed the reader the progression of feelings. The only thing I would have to say about that is that three of them started with "that was when..." and then continued, but the first stanza started with "that was until." I thought it disrupted the pattern a little and made it less satisfying.

Another thing I would say is that while your imagery was superb, I do think it'd be nice to see some other figurative language. I though the third stanza could use some beefing up in that area; I just didn't get the heart-wrenching sadness I knew I was supposed to feel. I thought the "no more laughter" read a bit awkwardly— instead of telling us what isn't there, tell us what is. Make us feel that pain.

Specifics

You filled my days with laughter

And hidden smiles,

With beautiful words and heartfelt talks

That was when I knew you.

I liked reading this poem about love.It was real and beautiful.There isn’t just one person for us,there could be other people waiting to meet us.We don’t ever have to meet other people,it could just be us.Love means so much more than its four letters.I have enjoyed reading this piece.I hope you have a calming and relaxing day and night.