I really love how you ended this with "endings" <333
i. not closing doors
(my mother says this stems
from my childhood fear of the
monster in my closet.
she says the doors make me feel as
if there is something in between
me and everything else.)
ii. coins
(too grubby, too tinged
with fingers whose hobbies
I cannot guess at)
iii. loudness, but only when I desire silence
(I never know if I am selfish or
normal for wanting others to
stop talking all the time.
it is fine in the day
or in the afternoon
but in the mornings and evenings
the hush of the world needs attention.)
iv. silence, but only when I desire noise
(it hurts, sometimes, for my brain to be
the only thing that’s
singing.)
v. my human body
(too limited, far too limited
in the things it cannot do and
the things it cannot understand.
sometimes I wish I were a bug,
a robot, a ghost, or
nothing at all.)
vi. the irony of all my heart desires
(to be different, to journey, to adventure,
to mean something,
all as I’m stuck in a life where each
day is the same as another)
vii. endings
(I never know how to wrap things up,
to make each thing I said mean something.
how long should I hug her before leaving
for another month?
I never know
where to end
Hey, there! I like how you numbered each item in this poem. It gives it a sense of structure by theme and helps keep it moving. You have taken a look into various feelings and analyzed what's behind them. Another thing I appreciate is how you've showed us the contrast and yet the similarity between hating loudness and hating silence, and I think it's relatable. I also find the detest for monotony quite relatable. Also, it's kind of cool how you've thrown in a twist of irony by ending with the words "I never know where to end."
It looks like spelling is good, and your format is clear. I did notice some inconsistency in punctuation; there are some places where you've placed periods and others where you haven't, and since this doesn't seem like a super formal poem, I'm assuming you're not going for hard-and-fast structured sentences. So it seems a little inconsistent that you have some here and there. Also, there is no end parenthesis in the final stanza. It almost seems that it is perhaps intended since you're making the point that you don't know how to do endings well. In that way, it's fitting.
Well, I think those are all the comments I have. Thanks for sharing this poem!
I like this poem a lot. The words flow very nicely and the sentences are short which in my opinion makes it flow very well.
I admire how dark some of the sentences can be. I Personally enjoy the tone you set with all of the points you chose. When you were talking about endings and the human body. I agree with that. I know how limited most bodies are and that is completely understandable. I bet we all do agree that we do wish we were something else just so we don't have to be constrained by ourselves. Also ending things is very hard like relationships or calls or saying goodbye to someone. It's very hard to say that I need to go or I need to do something. but the best way to is to just say it, even if it's hard to.
I probably messed up by mistreating it but that's just how I feel about this work. Its very creative and I like it a lot.
Hope I get to read more of your works soon.
Have a great day/night.
-MC
I love this poem! I love the way that you almost romanticize the world through your writing. Even though it can have some moments of a little darkness, you still somehow manage to make everything seem pretty. my absolute favorite line is,
“it hurts, sometimes, for my brain to be
the only thing that’s singing.”
I think that I just personally related to this line. I also just adore the way that you described the annoying-ness (I don’t think that’s a word, but you know) of a racing mind to something as light and airy as singing.
This probably isn’t a great try at a review, so I apologize! This is my first one, and I couldn’t find anything I disliked about your poem. I hope to see you write more in the future. 
-lex
120,199 Literary Works • 649,044 Reviews
Points: 899
Reviews: 37
Donate