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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 14.1

by HarryHardy


Chapter 14

Finalizing the Plan on Location

[Harry]

Harry tapped his foot impatiently as Aria cleared her throat to begin the explanation. They were now safely inside the mostly stripped out interior of the ship.

"Okay so, first of all try not to interrupt, its a somewhat long plan to talk about," she said.

"And?" asked Harry, immediately.

"I'm getting to it," she said," like I said have some patience, and don't interrupt." She put a finger on her lips to emphasize the point.

"Okay, but we have to get to work soon too you know," said Daisy.

"If you two keep arguing I'm not telling you till lunch time," said Aria.

Harry immediately zipped his mouth shut and the two of them raised their hands in surrender.

"So I'll go over it briefly for now and then tell you the exact details a bit later. We don't have the time for the full discussion, it's a busy schedule tonight as well."

Harry and Daisy both nodded vigorously.

“Why are you two just nodding randomly?" asked Aria.

"Nothing, just keep going," said Harry, waving his hand in a ‘go on’ gesture.

"Hmm...anyway, so the idea was to get the supplies without having to carry much right?" she said.

"Yes," said Daisy.

"I think that's what they last said," said Harry.

"Hmm...so that's the point when you two..." began Aria.

"So we were talking about how to get food," said Harry, not wanting her to go down that path," can we continue with that conversation?"

“Sorry," said Aria, looking on the verge of bursting out laughing for some reason, "so anyway you guys know about the shipments that come into supply the camp through gate A and F."

"Yes?" said Harry. What could they possibly do with those? The aliens had way too many procedures in place specifically to avoid human interaction with that process.

Aria nodded.

"So we're going to get our hands on some of that," said Aria.

"Wait but that's impossible isn't it," said Daisy, voicing his thoughts.

"Oh we're not getting it from the gate, that's the beauty of it," said Aria.

"How?" asked Harry, now looking thoroughly confused.

"From the source," said Aria," well sort of."

"What?" said Daisy, now sounding even more confused.

"Wow, you guys really weren't paying attention," said Aria, shaking her head. 

"Just get to the point," said Harry, "please!"

"So, these materials as it turns out don't come directly into camp," said Aria,"remember how they said the drone made it all the way to the alien settlement and they'd mapped a route out?"

"Yes," said Harry, "which reminds me, did Mom tell you when she was gonna tell us that remaining part of the plan we couldn't cover yesterday?"

"Not yet," said Aria," it'll probably be tonight, but anyway, that's not where I was going with this. Anyway, so the final plan involves sneaking out using one of those transports that bring supplies in, its the easiest way to get past the outer gate."

"Cool, but I still don't see it," said Harry.

"Yeah also don't they check those transports on the way out?" asked Daisy.

"Actually they don't, well they do, but its not thorough, its more of a formality than anything else from what the drone could capture."

"A century of success can do that to you," said Harry.

"Yup," said Daisy," but I still don't get the part about food?"

"Right, so essentially, as it turns out with some basic math, they calculated that not all of the supplies get emptied all the time," said Aria, "some of the transports leaves with supplies still left on board, as high as half of what they come in with."

"How on Earth did they do that with maths and a drone," said Harry.

"I have no idea," said Aria, " well I do, they did tell me but I don't understand it enough to explain it to you two. The basic theory was something about how trucks that are full, half empty and empty behave differently in wind or speed or something like that."

"Ahh, I think I figured it out," said Harry.

"Really?" asked Daisy.

"Yup, simple physics," said Harry," well not that simple, but its not that hard."

"Say no more, I don't want to know," said Daisy. "If you acknowledge its not simple, its going to be horribly complicated."

"True," said Harry.

"Okay, so happy now. That's what we're going to do, sneak out in a truck with some parts of the supply left and well, steal some of them as we get off," said Aria.

"Where do we get off though?" asked Harry, suddenly, realizing they'd never discussed that.

"That I think is what mom said she'll tell us later," said Aria, "I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess, I think it has to do something with this ship we're inside."

"Why would you say that?" said Harry.

"Just something about the look in mom's eyes when we first gave the news," said Aria, "I've seen here get news about the camp's weakness' before, this was different somehow."

"I don't notice that," said Harry, trying to recall that moment.

"Ehh, its a hunch, don't worry about it, let's get this work over with," said Aria.

The other two nodded.


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Sat Oct 30, 2021 8:50 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review!

The whole chapter feels very dialogue-heavy and builds up to finally being able to finalise the plan. I really like this quick exchange in the scenes and the change of locations here. I only found in this first part that it still felt a bit filtery and stretched, whereas in the next parts you definitely create a better and "faster" build-up there.

That's something that generally happens in the whole chapter. You build up mystery and suspense and then in between the whole thing dies down again when there are these short pauses where they pilgrimage back and forth. Of course, it's hard to create a good balance where the structure doesn't suffer and it doesn't seem like you're jumping from one scene to the next.

But I think what is most striking here is how the "to say" continues to dominate the dialogue, making what is said always seem "indifferent". There's no empathy, excitement or concern to be heard, just a "robot response." It's just a little word, but it helps immensely for the reader to visualise how the characters are feeling and exactly what they are thinking. Especially when there comes a point where someone becomes an antagonist, it would be useful to show such little "hints" and details in advance in the dialogue.

Other points I noticed while reading:

Finalizing the Plan on Location

The fact that the title does not go in the direction of a joke this time shows that the seriousness is now somewhat in the foreground here.

"Okay, but we have to get to work soon too you know," said Daisy.

Here comes a comma after the “too”.

"Wait but that's impossible isn't it," said Daisy, voicing his thoughts.

Here comes a question mark instead of the comma.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Wed Oct 20, 2021 9:34 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this was an interesting start to the chapter. I am sure I have said this before but I do think you need to establish some kind of setting when you are starting a chapter. If you direcrly start a chapter with dialogue then it comes off as a bit abrupt.

Now, I think it is ironic how Aria keeps snapping at them to not interrupt, and yet she is the one who stalls the conversation several times and stopping momentarily to poke at their relationship and having her laugh. Also, even though she had heard the second plan, I am not quite sure if she actually understood it. It seems that Harry has a deeper knowledge of these things - the scientific aspect of it, I mean. Daisy wants to stay out of it and Aria does not understand completely. I like how each of them have their own different role in this mission. It will be actually very brilliant to see it all come together.

Now, like Aria I did hear the second plan, but because it is so late at night and I am xlose to falling asleep (I apologize), I am not sure if I fully understand. So they are going to hijack a supply truck based on the route they mapped out through the drone? Considering that the footage was from several years ago, I am not sure how reliable it will be. But hopefully, I will pick up more of this plan as they go on and when I am not so sleepy. It is only fair considering how long we were kept out of it.

A tiny nitpick:

"Wait but that's impossible isn't it," said Daisy,

There will be a question mark at the end of this dialogue.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Oh this is drone footage from pretty recent times for the supply truck thing :D 15 Chapter onwards should start making a lot of things clear and the last part of this chapter should also be interesting :D

Thanks again!!



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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

Finally we have got the second plan. Now, I really doubt their escape. This plan is fully based on whatever could be seen through that drone and I don't know if a century old drone can give the very desired results. Maybe it didn't show them the very exact things and minute details. The plan has potential risk of their lives. If they are somehow caught, death can't be avoided.

I couldn't understand the truck concept very well but I do guess if they manage to sneak out, this will play quite an important role in the story. I do havw an idea of what the physics might mean though. Veryy tough physics... Anyway, if that's the easiest way, I can't even imagine the dangers of the other ways. They are planning a lot and that makes me even more afraid. Getting food in that way is way harder than carrying some sacks.

Now about the characters. Harry is back to his genius form and I really like the fact that the argument is over. So here, Aria herself couldn't understand the plan very well. I did guess something was wrong. I wonder if the other two understood it well. Like the understanding of the plan is a crucial aspect. Daisy was not the most important in this part and was simply how she always remains. I am quite eager to know what skills daisy has. Also, I am a bit curious about her parents. Her parentd were clearly avoided in the whole story, only some indirect mentions as Harry and Aria's father. I would like to know if Daisy's parents were present in the meeting. Probably, they weren't. Also, what was their reaction when they learnt about the mission and Daisy being selected? I do think that you can include these minute things from either Daisy's POV in a scene which is set in her quarters or maybe you can surface it through a conversation. Aria seems to understand Mrs. Kane quite well and also, hm.. some observational power. She has that too, I guess. We had quite a journey between I don't know and well I do.

Okay, now they have wasted quite some time and I hope the aliens haven't noticed that(I mean they will not notice it). In most of the places, the apostrophe of it's is missing.

Keep Writing!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




I wish literally anything else I ever said made it into the quote generator.
— CowLogic