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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 12.4

by HarryHardy


Harry immediately scrambled to explain himself.

"Of course...just spaced out a bit you know. I'm sure it could happen to just about anyone," said Harry, smiling weakly at Aria while Daisy nodded vigorously.

"Hmm...staring at someone else and discussing in whispers probably would be more of a reason that just spacing out," said Aria, drawing air quotes," wouldn't it?"

"We were not..." began Daisy.

"Did I say that you did that?" asked Aria," I just said that talking like that would make you less likely to pay attention."

"Whatever," said Harry, waving his arms around," now tell us the plan."

"Later," she said, smiling," or else we'll all miss the next plan. I'll tell you on the way back."

"Fine," said Daisy quickly. She then quickly tapped Harry with her foot before he could open his mouth to argue.

He turned towards her, frowning and she subtly nodded towards Aria. His mouth opened in a soundless "Ohh" and he turned quietly towards the stage.

"What...no arguments?" asked Aria.

"Shhh...stop talking and pay attention sis. Some of us are trying to listen," said Harry, winking at Daisy. Daisy laughed and turned towards the stage herself. Aria let out a snort before she followed suit.

“Alright, guys,” said Mrs. Kane, “so I'm glad everyone agreed with the second plan. It really does just make things a lot more convenient. Okay then, let's not waste time getting to the next point. And that is figuring out when you guys can get together and plan out a route. It has to be scouted  in advance so that on the day y'all just need to run. This part I think it's best if you guys figure out.”

Alex then added from the back, speaking up. “The route from outside the door to the outer wall itself will be pre planned by us and we'll get you an exact set of directions to follow. The drone has been quite active the last few days on that, and it will continue to operate for maybe a day or two more and we should have all that we need."

"Thank you Alex. I was getting to that, but yes, that's something that will happen in the days to come. It'll be a quick briefing, and considering how we should all be maintaining as low of a profile as possible, I might simply give the instructions to Aria and she can relay it to all of you. Don't worry about that. Getting to the door is all you guys need to figure out, well and of course what happens when you guys get outside the outer wall, that is another thing I might simply give to Aria cause it is complicated and isn't required just yet. All of you at the moment should focus on the route inside these corridors, and speaking of that, let's get back to our conversation."

Mr. Haber, who'd been fiddling on the back of the stage, maybe making sure everyone that had left the room get home safe, put his device away and spoke up. "Alice, so everyone is safe, I think we can now just all sit down and have a conversation. Its just nine of us. There's no point bothering with the stage."

"Yes, I'm sure the children would rather not have the whole thing feel like a lecture. This is a discussion after all," chimed in Ms. Johnson.

"Uhh, I think you're write Jake," said Mrs. Kane, "okay everyone grab a chair. Children, if you could just all scoot back a little to give us some space.

There was a sudden influx of scraping noises as Harry began to scoot back. Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Oh sorry, I completely forgot," he said, blushing bright red. Daisy stifled a laugh. For someone so focused on escaping, he forgets the silliest things at the worst times.

The rest of the chair moving went with as little noise as possible and soon the nine of them were seated in a kind of squashed looking semi circle.


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Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:04 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

I particularly liked this chapter. You managed to develop well-developed transitions and to divide the parts in such a way that they always gave a little bonus of information to the reader without it somehow becoming too much or too boring.

The fact that we are dealing with Daisy again made me a little doubtful at the beginning, as I didn't feel - in general - that you got to see much of her, apart from Part 2 for example. I can understand though that on the whole this build up was good though, to share that ignorance / sometimes maybe naivety with the reader so you would be in the same boat there. Harry and Aria wouldn't have fitted in because of their personalities.

I liked the pacing here in the chapter and think apart from it speeding up a bit towards the end in Part 4 (only minimally in my opinion) it all read well. The only criticism here, which I can only ever repeat, is to make sure that the characters don't always end with "To say" when they are speaking, otherwise it reads very repetitive and boring. That's really only a minor point that appeared here.

Another point that struck me is the centralisation of Daisy, Harry (and Aria), when we have two more characters who are now there with the team. We haven't seen much of them yet, and I hope we'll get to read more about them in the next chapter.

In summary, it's a great chapter, I really liked that we slowly have something concrete, and how everything is slowly developing into a larger construct.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Ahh yes the other two well get some interactions in chap 13 and 14, and then they'll get to the foreground a little more towards chap 15 onwards. They don't quite take full center stage till book 3. Originally this book's plan was to have all five lead it but I thought that'd be too many characters to get POV's for I sort of staggered so that Aria, Harry and Daisy and fairly well developed by the end of book 1 and in book 3 the other two get fleshed out and developed. :D

Thanks again!!



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Sat Oct 16, 2021 5:19 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this was a light read. Despite the fact that they are discussing the mission and the plans that could possibly also cost their lives, the three of them can still find it within themselves to joke around and pull each other's legs. Thanks to them, we get some very playful moments in the story that will automatically make one smile. It is a little funny when Harry and Daisy team up to creep out Aria and to be honest, they are very lucky that Mrs. Kane didn't question them further about the second plan - I don't think either of them would have known what to say.

It would be good if we got to hear a little from the other two members. I don't think they have spoken up once during the meeting - even Harry managed to embarrass himself by the end of this part. It would be nice if we got to know a little about them, after all they are the other half of the team and are almost as pivotal to the main plot as the three of them. Maybe include some interactions with them, so that we get a better idea about these new characters?

Aria seems to have already stepped up into the leader position. Mrs. Kane mostly addressed the issues to Aria, and it is quite logical also considering that Aria is the eldest of them and definitely more responsible than Harry or Daisy. To be honest, I cannot wait for this mission to start.

Now, the second plan is claimed to be more 'convenient' by Mrs. Kane. I would be really better if we had some idea as to what this second plan entailed. From how much attention Aria had been paying to Harry and Daisy's lack of attention and, considering that the spent most of this part bickering and pulling each other's legs, I really wonder how much of the plan she has heard herself.

There were certain typos in this chapter, I think you should check it again. For example,

staring at someone else and discussing in whispers probably would be more of a reason that just spacing out,

I think you meant 'than' here in place of 'that'.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Once we get into Chapter 15 ish most of these points well get a little more fleshed out, especially the characters of the other and the fine detail of the plan. I just put a couple of little distraction in this scene so it didn't become an endless stream of plans...xD Anyway this meeting will finally end halfway through Chapter 13 :D

Thanks again!!



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Sat Oct 16, 2021 8:53 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

Yet another funny argument between the trio. These arguments are quite enjoyable to read for the readers. Daisy seems to have some wit too, humorous sense and also she can act as a person to stop arguments between the siblings. Aria seems to be very interested in arguing. She was a bit disappointed when they stopped it. Now to the plan.

Okay, so I am not very sure if Aria heard the second plan quite attentively and if she heard the full plan. First of all, she was paying some attention towards Harry and Daisy's conversation, so maybe she didn't hear something. And about the latter one, they started arguing and maybe Mrs. Kane told something very important at that time. I am a bit surprised by the fact that no one else noticed that they were arguing. Like, there were not many people in that room and also I expect the focus to be on them. It's a bit strange, maybe they were whispering.

So, they didn't listen to the plan and there was no chance they could disagree. I do have a notion that if they had listened to the plan, they would have disagreed with it. The process of finding the routes all on their own would be quite a interesting thing to read. Waiting for it. Nothing pre-planned goes successful in an escape, so I think the pre-planned route is not going to work and they will have to find a complete new route for the escape. Mrs. Kane seems to rely a lot on Aria when it comes to the instructions and other things. It's probably because she is the eldest of all, though we still don't know the age of the other two but I guess she is the eldest judging from the fact that she was chosen the leader of the mission.

I liked the fact that you mentioned the other members present in the room. Hm... Harry was overwhelmed about the escape. He can be careless at times. However, I really hope that nothing will get alerted about this sound, they are half-deaf after all. I expected them to form a complete circle but seems like the patter has changed in the course of time.

This chapter had some spelling errors, if you notice. Like right is written as write. Also, a tense inconsistency. Forgot is written as forgets(I am not very sure if that was Daisy's thought but if that was, italicise it)

Keep Writing!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm....well all of those questions will be answered in the times to come ;)

Also oof, yeah this needs to be run through autocorrect a couple of times..xD

Thanks again!!




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