Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure

12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 12.2

by HarryHardy


"So the first order of business for the day is to decide on the things you guys will want to carry. A five person team has the benefit of requiring far less resources in order to get through the day, but there's also the limitation of how much can actually be carried. At any rate, we came up with two possible plans for getting some supplies to you guys in order for the five of you to make it far enough to this plan's final stage, where you should be able to resupply, and please no one ask me about the later stages yet, all in good time."

"So what are the two options we have?" said Ryan, speaking out for probably the first time. Daisy was surprised at how normal it sounded. Give his size she was expecting some kind of deep scary sounding voice, but it appeared that that wasn't the case here.

"Right, yes, so the first one of course is the obvious one, you take some with you. The things we have in the kitchen are usually meant to last a while and it'd be a matter of taking a couple of sacks worth of it. Its not that hard to carry a few days worth of food, which theoretically is enough, we have run some calculations, but considering all our maps are at minimum a century out of date, there's some doubt there."

Mrs. Kane paused to let them process that. Daisy's mind was reeling with the possibilities that brought up. In all her excitement about escaping, she'd never really considered that they were going to have to take a fair number of things with them in order to survive on the outside, not to mention, even with the drone, the outside was essentially an unknown area to them, one which for all they knew could be completely uninhabitable.

"The second one, and I think this will fit better with the idea that we're trying to give to the aliens, which is that the five of your pulled this off all on your own...

"Wait a minute, we're going to make this escape attempt look like it was doable by the five of us?" asked Harry, looking a bit startled. Daisy own thoughts echoed the same concerns. There was no way the aliens would by that this was done by five kids, would they?

"Yes, that's exactly what we're going to do. Otherwise, they're going to end up finding a way to punish us all for it and that's not going to be pleasant no matter what they come up with. A successful escape from their prison would be a complete failure for them and they will do their best to ensure that anyone who helped feels that displeasure, especially so because the main culprits will be out of their reach."

Daisy gulped as the implications hit her. Oh my God I completely forgot about that. Of course they're not going to go easy on everyone that's left behind. Even if it looks like we escaped without help there is no way that they are not going to target our parents. Oh no. Why do things have to keep getting more complicated?

She felt someone take her hand and give it a squeeze. She turned to see Harry who gave her a small smile. Her eyes widened. How on Earth did he appear next to me? Wasn't Aria the one next to me?

"Hey...I asked Aria to move to my chair so I could sit next to you. She had a massive smirk on her face but you looked like something was bothering you and I wanted to find out smirk or no smirk," he whispered. She couldn't help but give him a beaming smile in return.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
879 Reviews


Points: 90983
Reviews: 879

Donate
Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:04 pm
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

What I like about this part, and what didn't shine through so clearly in the previous one, was how now here the danger is bubbling up and now you also realise as a reader that this escape is about something daring that hasn't been done for a long time, where you're drawing on facts that are very old. I like how you create this so slowly that it's not going to be as simple as it's explained.

I like here in the part that Daisy's thoughts are shown a bit more openly than in the previous part, and how you keep the pace, and keep everything in that "monotone" (not in a negative sense) to make it feel like you're attending a real meeting.

What I also like was how there was a bit of a mystery created towards the end, or Daisy is just too lost in her thoughts. I think it's generally a good transition to the next part, after we've already seen a slight rise of a climax here.

Other points I noticed while reading:

"So what are the two options we have?" said Ryan

I think “asked” would fit better here. :D

Daisy was surprised at how normal it sounded. Give his size she was expecting some kind of deep scary sounding voice, but it appeared that that wasn't the case here.

That's what I missed a bit in the previous part - those short comments from Daisy.

"The second one, and I think this will fit better with the idea that we're trying to give to the aliens, which is that the five of your pulled this off all on your own...

The quotation mark on the ends are already escaping. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



User avatar
317 Reviews


Points: 31646
Reviews: 317

Donate
Thu Oct 14, 2021 5:20 pm
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

It seems to me that in the excitement and shock of being chosen for the mission, the three of them had not really thought through all its implications. Of course, being selected for a mission attempting to secure the freedom of humanity is going to have its set of complications and consequences and I am not really surprised that they are only realizing it now. Daisy's fears and sudden bout of anxiety adds a more realistic touch to the plot here and her concerns are believable and understandable. It makes us sympathize with them, but it also raises the stakes of the mission. They need to do this right, or they will have to suffer through the consequences.

I was a bit surprised and amazed by how casually Mrs. Kane was discussing the plans with them, especially the part where she tells them that the blame of the mission will lie entirely on them for the protection of others. While the idea is reasonable and completely sound, it is her children she is talking about. And yet she does not waver or falter in her speech or let her emotions take charge. It does raise my respect of her. From the beginning she has been the most active and enthusiastic and determined to escape, and in every step she proves her dedication. I do feel sorry for the time when she will have to say farewell to her children.

The plan seems reasonable enough. They will have to carry the supplies, given that there is enough of them to last throughout the mission. Mrs. Kane claims that the second plan is more foolproof, so I am looking forward to hearing that one. We do get interrupted several times by Daisy's thoughts and then by Harry. I actually like these interruptions as they make the story feel more realistic and less "mechanical"? Anyways, I really liked how Harry changed his seat to be there for Daisy without giving a second thought. He really is an attentive and kind friend and I like the way you are developing their relationship.

The dialogue at the very beginning was again a bit too long. Add punctuations or break the sentences so that it does not seem to run on.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



User avatar
483 Reviews


Points: 33045
Reviews: 483

Donate
Thu Oct 14, 2021 7:30 am
View Likes
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

Now we have the worst problem in front of us. The consequences of the escape will not very good and it's quite predictable that the aliens can start killing and torturing people, provided they were planning to celebrate a century(I guess) and now they will face such a failure before that. It will obviously enrage them. However, though we can guess their emotions from whatever they are doing to the humans, we are still unaware of their real emotions. Maybe they will not be enraged at all or something like that. Who knows. :D

Carrying a couple of sacks actually doesn't seem to be a very easy thing. Other than those sacks, they will also have to carry other things required for survival. Also, we don't have the slightest idea of outside. Maybe it's not even suitable for the humans. In that case, they will have to come back as soon as possible. I just hope that the aliens will not be able to seal all the doors and thus the possible ways for their comeback.

At any rate, we came up with two possible plans for getting some supplies to you guys in order for the five of you to make it far enough to this plan's final stage,

I was a bit confused when I re-read it after reading the whole story. Like the first plan was obviously related to this where they talked about the food supply. However, I didn't get how the second plan was related to them getting the supplies. If I am not wrong, the second plan is all about the inside where they will no longer stay. I would like a bit clarification on this topic.

It is going to be quite interesting to see how they are going to deceive the aliens. It is not going to be an easy task. Harry did another harry thing. I liked the fact that he didn't care about the people present there and did what he thought would be the right thing to do.

Keep writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Ohh...hmm...I see how that's probably confusing, but uhh, basically Mrs. Kane never got to say the second plan. She said the first plan, and then while she was talking about the second plan, Harry interrupted her with that question and then she answered it and we end with Daisy's thoughts. The second plan hasn't been told yet :D

Thanks again!!





Oh gotcha! I thought it was already told. I am quite interested in knowing what the second plan is going to be. :D



HarryHardy says...


:D




Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.
— Welcome to Night Vale