Young Writers Society

Hi! I'm here for a review.


I read this work before, but I'm reviewing it only now "^_^

I love how you portray our choices and thoughts, how we try to do things which we don't have to. The message you give, that we don't need to prove anything to anybody by trying something too hard, which we don't have to do.
Also, it's relatable how you explain that when somebody tells us that we can't do something, we try even harder to finish the task, just out of spite and the need to prove ourselves.
I think it's great how you write the last stanza in the second person. It sounds like you're talking to that butterfly within us, and not to some nondescript imaginary butterfly.

I think my favourite part was these two stanzas:

But she forgot that she too has limits,

And that she isn't and doesn't have to be "superwoman",

And in her attempts to carry the world on her shoulders,

She forgot that she really doesn't have to.

~

This is what the world does,

It tries to make the butterfly lift the pile of stones,

Ignoring that she maybe just can't,

And that is okay, because she doesn't have to.

Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So... let's get started!

Mood, Tone, Perspective, Themes, and Narrative

I adore this poem. This realistic theme of taking on so much and doing everything. Pushing yourself to the limit no matter what. That toxic productivity and need to give 200% all the time is so relatable and heartbreaking. It pulls on my heartstrings because I have this problem of "work till you drop." It's cost me much and I've ended becoming physically ill because of it. Don't not sleep for 3 days straight to complete assignments and work... it doesn't end well.

The overall tone of somewhat gently chastising the butterfly and giving this butterfly advice. Somewhat pitying yet validating the butterfly's feelings. It's very personal and beautiful. I love it.

Then this stanza

This is what the world does,

It tries to make the butterfly lift the pile of stones,

Ignoring that she maybe just can't,

And that is okay, because she doesn't have to.

So, dear butterfly, this is a note to you,

You're wonderful in a billion different ways,

But remember sometimes you're going to be

Unable to lift some things, and that's okay.

As she ponders so, the others boo,

"Baby butterfly, she's got no backbone,"

And she puts herself aside and plunges in,

Lifting the cart with her thin, delicate wings

Pile of stones in a wooden cart,

Waiting to be carried up the hil

And a dainty butterfly stands in shock,

Wondering how she could ever perform this task.

Hesitantly does she flap her wings,

And wonder if this task could be

The last and final one she executes,

And if the price really is worth it all.

As she ponders so, the others boo,

"Baby butterfly, she's got no backbone,"

And she puts herself aside and plunges in,

Lifting the cart with her thin, delicate wings.

But she forgot that she too has limits,

And that she isn't and doesn't have to be "superwoman",

And in her attempts to carry the world on her shoulders,

She forgot that she really doesn't have to.

This is what the world does,

It tries to make the butterfly lift the pile of stones,

Ignoring that she maybe just can't,

And that is okay, because she doesn't have to.

So, dear butterfly, this is a note to you,

You're wonderful in a billion different ways,

But remember sometimes you're going to be

Unable to lift some things, and that's okay.

I love this poem! It teaches us that sometimes,certain things aren’t worth it and you can’t cave in to peer pressure.It’s a lesson that is often overlooked,because we strive to be the best and forgery that we are only human.Good poem,I enjoyed reading it.Have a lovely day.

I love this poem! It teaches us that sometimes,certain things aren’t worth it and you can’t cave in to peer pressure.It’s a lesson that is often overlooked,because we strive to be the best and forgery that we are only human.Good poem,I enjoyed reading it.Have a lovely day.

Greetings!!!!!
firstly congratulations on your literary work!!!
Its simply astounding that you have used such fantastic personification to convey an indispensable life message to your readers via a vibrant and colorful insect that enjoys in the lap of nature ....
your poem highlights the theme that everyone is unique in their own special way ... and that sometimes we are simply compelled to do things that we are incompetent in only because to show the world their criteria of judgements....
You have perfectly addressed this issue by stating that if it doesn't have to be done then its not worth it as additionally we're struggled with it...
your poem instils self confidence and firm belief in our abilities which is admirable
if the world pounces on us always remember to be brave enough to shout out your worth ..

overall your poem is a classic motivational poem during stressful times such as exams vice and interviews ... you have helped various people through your guiding heart ♥

I am sure that the butterfly of your poem has prevented people from having butterflies in their stomach....😁
looking forward for more such poems!!!!

Hey there, and happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed this poem! I think the message was absolutely superb and almost felt like a callout (I'm guilty of biting off more that I can chew—or I guess, carrying more rocks than I'm able to—from time to time). Regardless of my unfortunate personal connection, however, I think that it was marvelously crafted and simple yet so complex at the same time.

I think your simple stanzas with four lines and no rhyme scheme really serve to elevate the other parts of the poem. In fact, I feel like the structure itself is almost a testament to the message itself; you don't have to do everything for it to still be effective. I think that rhyming wouldn't have suited this poem, and you were able to build up a nice rhythm without it. It was super great at delivering the message you wanted it to. Nice work!

I also really enjoyed how you address the butterfly at the end. I think that did a phenomenal job of tying the entire poem together, and it also allowed you to use the "you" pronoun, which meant at some points, you were kind of addressing the reader, too. It was quite heartwarming and uplifting, and (again) really helped hammer home your message.

The only thing I could critique would be the overall figurative language; since this is a poem, I would expect to see some. You've got great imagery sprinkled throughout (I loved the line about her "thin, delicate wings") but there were some stanzas like the fourth and fifth that maybe could have benefited from some more figurative devices to really sell those messages and images. It's not strictly necessary, but it would be interesting to play around with it, just to see what you come up with.

Overall: great job! I think this poem was a lovely little work, and I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!

Hey Niveda! Incoming review!

Your poem intrigued me so here I am with a review! I'll review stanza by stanza.

Pile of stones in a wooden cart,

Waiting to be carried up the hil

And a dainty butterfly stands in shock,

Wondering how she could ever perform this task.

Hesitantly does she flap her wings,

And wonder if this task could be

The last and final one she executes,

And if the price really is worth it all.

As she ponders so, the others boo,

"Baby butterfly, she's got no backbone,"

And she puts herself aside and plunges in,

Lifting the cart with her thin, delicate wings.

But she forgot that she too has limits,

And that she isn't and doesn't have to be "superwoman",

And in her attempts to carry the world on her shoulders,

She forgot that she really doesn't have to.

This is what the world does,

It tries to make the butterfly lift the pile of stones,

Ignoring that she maybe just can't,

And that is okay, because she doesn't have to.

So, dear butterfly, this is a note to you,

You're wonderful in a billion different ways,

But remember sometimes you're going to be

Unable to lift some things, and that's okay.

hi @NivedaJames22 its jay here to give you a quick review on what i read on your poem!!!

first off NivedaJames okay so far at soon when i read this poem it was good and i really got some lines in the poem that i like from it As she ponders so, the others boo,

"Baby butterfly, she's got no backbone,"

And she puts herself aside and plunges in,

Lifting the cart with her thin, delicate wings. like this poem was some good effort in it NivedaJames just want to keep up the great work

Second the compliment of your poem is just keep doing your best and keep working hard thank you for putting your effort in the poem NivedaJames


3rd how you can improve keep up the nice work and just keep making youngwriters proud and just keep being you and i hope we see more of your work soon i have enjoy your poem


keep writing and the good effort @NivedaJames22 by jay!!!