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LoaMR: Ch.XII: The Closed City 1

by MailicedeNamedy


What has happened so far: Claire and Emma have decided to move on, Emma because she wants to join Léonard and Claire because she is moving to Berlyne. It looks like this is the goodbye between the two friends. In this chapter, a short deviation is made that will determine Claire's future path.

***

If Claire were to reconstruct the night, she would have to admit that she couldn't remember anything. It was usually in the morning hours that she remembered the wonderful, painless dreams that gave her imagination a new flow of movement.

That morning, she felt dizzy and sick.

It was pitch dark in the room. She felt her way through the bed and a little later landed on the floor.

"Emma?" she beeped sceptically.

There was no answer. Claire freed herself from the blanket and stood in the darkness.

Wasn't there a window from the edge of the bed?

Groping, she had to realise that she had made a mistake. Even the cupboard seemed to be missing.

"Emma?" asked Claire again, just as she found her bed.

A noise came from the room as if someone wanted to continue sleeping. Crawling, she wandered to her corner. Claire felt Emma´s warm breath at the tip of her nose. Giggling, she avoided it and grabbed her shoulder.

"Emma, wake up. We have to go."

Somewhat phlegmatically, the sleeping friend turned to her. With another shake of her shoulder and a shout, Emma crawled deeper under the covers. With an annoyed jerk, Claire pulled them off and almost landed on the floor. Only now did the young woman stir slightly.

"What happened?"

"Time to wake up."

"Open the windows, please. I can't see a thing."

"I didn't find any," Claire said quietly.

“You weren't looking!" Emma spoke in a huff and clattered across the room.

As she almost fell down, light filtered in. The door was open, glaring sunlight illuminated the barren landscape.

The two mattresses were old and greasy, with little black dots collecting in some places. Until they started to move, it seemed to be mould.

"Here are the shoes," Claire said in amazement as she ventured a glance outside.

They were on a long road with concrete bunkers lined up, obscuring the orange and cinnamon brown rocks. The clear sky pressed heat onto the sandy ground. As far as she could see, there was not a soul on the road.

"Where are we?" asked Emma quietly as she put on her shoes.

Claire knelt beside the door and closed her eyes. The forgotten nausea came back.

"It seems to me that we are hundreds of miles away from Gauland," she predicted gloomily, "How did we get here?"

Claire did not answer. Black dots danced around in front of Claire before she could get up. Coughing, she slid back onto the dusty floor.

"Are you okay?"

"You're not feeling sick?" commented Claire.

"No."

"I'm just... a little uncomfortable."

Emma helped her up when an automobile could be heard in the distance. The small dot grew steadily larger. The car came to a stop right before the door.

Two men got out. One wore glasses, the other was armed.

"Please get in. You will be taken to the head of the office," the bespectacled man spoke sternly.

"Where are we? What is this place?" Emma wanted to know.

Claire shook her head. Shaky and nervous, as if they had both done something wrong, she stood up and marched to the men.

"The head of the office can explain that to you. Please get in," the gunman repeated.

"Come on, Emma," Claire pleaded.

She knelt in front of the men and stared them both in the eye. The gunman did not pull out his pistol.

"We still have our things in the room," Emma whispered meekly.

"Rudolf!"

"Alright!"

The man wearing glasses brushed against her and came out with the luggage. He gently put it in the car. When Emma stood up, Rudolf helped her get in.

"You don't have to worry, the head of the office is friendly," the gunman reported.

They were already sitting when he spoke.

They don't belong to any of the Baron's police... The HePo has blue uniforms, the SG mustard-brown ones and the WA has those poison-green-black leather coats...

Claire said nothing when her friend nudged her.

The car did not go back. It followed the invisible road to another concrete block of buildings. They all looked the same. There was no life anywhere.

"Are we in the desert?" asked Emma in a weak voice.

"No."

"Where are we?"

"You can find out from the head of the office."

They stopped at a brick house. The men opened the doors for the prisoners and handed them their bags.

"Be careful, it's a narrow stairway down," Rudolf explained and unlocked the steel door.

Turning her brief gaze upwards, Claire saw walls jutting out of the rocks. Towers and people were everywhere. Were they guarding something?

It took less than five seconds for Emma to stumble down the many steps. Once she reached the bottom, she lay between tyres, her bottom back aching. With a tiny tear and a sober curse, she noticed the foul smell.

"Wait here. You will be picked up," the man with glasses spoke, "Pay attention to your surroundings!"

They did not know what he meant.

Only when another steel gate rattled open at the side did they recognise tracks on the floor. Modern and new, they could see themselves reflected in them. Some rails had an old date written on them, the letters ELN above them.

Lights sparkled in apple green and strawberry red as a deafening noise came from the long tunnel. Dark yellow glowed the mine train with its three or four empty carriages. They were low and narrow. The leather of the seats was used. As on the rails, a date and the same three letters were written on the front locomotive. With a loud jolt on the squeaking metal, it stopped. An elderly man with a sooty grey beard got out.

"You are in good care, ladies."

Rudolf shook the driver's hand while the man wearing glasses at the very back of the train opened the side door for a person.

"Thank you very much, Hermann."

A woman stepped out and walked dead straight to Claire and Emma.

Before anyone could utter a word, before Emma could remark, before anyone could even ask about this place, Claire wanted to be alone. It was like a wave that had taken hold of her, a mist that beguiled her and made her want to be in a small room with just her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and a chill ran down her spine. Claire didn´t know what she was feeling. But she knew that she only wanted to share these pleasurable goosebumps with her.

The sinister, half-length, dead-black hair brought even the darkness into shadow. It sucked up all the light in her surroundings.

Her face was reminiscent of a portrait by an obsessed artist. It was perfect. Everything in her face was perfect and symmetrically lined up. It was almost terrifying.

That there are such people in the world...?

The skin was noble, dark white in places, porcelain-like, fragile, and unique, the eyes had something regal, almost immortal about them. The narrow black brows changed the iris. It was a sinister, lightless sea blue. They penetrated every conceivable soul - even the Goddess was no match for them.

What made them look like that? Not even Claire could understand it. Was it the small nose, or the mouth? Was it that pure skin between the upper lips and the combination with the apricot tint on the cheeks?

It was not only that. Hidden beneath her dark green trouser suit were her hands, her legs, her body. Although no one could glimpse the body, everyone knew that she was sculpted to seamless perfection, like a doll, so meticulously detailed and precise, as truly only a master could manage. They could belong to her alone as if the Goddess had created her personally.

It was an enchanting creature, barely taller than Claire. Her aura was graceful, persistent, and cunning. She seemed possessed and bitter, pleased and perhaps even sadistic. An aura emanated from her that could not be defined. It seemed as if the train driver was afraid of her and avoided any eye contact. Rudolf and his partner only spoke when she ordered them to.

This look...

The young Silberlilie has swept away. That look, those eyes, it reminded her of her reflection. Those dark, sinister eyes, that almost impassive expression tense with an inscrutable soul and yet... there was something about her that Claire could not explain.

"At your service!" both men said reverently goodbye.

The driver climbed back into the machine and croaked something unintelligible.

"Get in, we'll take you to the head of the office," she spoke in her hauntingly soothing voice.

As if by magic, they got in.

The seats were more comfortable than they looked. Despite the small size, the three of them found room. The glassless windows gave a clear view on all sides.

They barely heard what the driver yelled as the engine was made to run. With a cruelly loud bang, the train screeched into the maw of the tunnel.

It was narrow. From the bare rock, the earth had been robbed of its precious filling. The many men who had worked in the depths were no longer alive to gaze at the moving locomotive. There was a light source about every five hundred feet. Carved into side wings, they appeared to Claire like frightening turnings in a nightmare. At one point she recognised a statue of a Goddess adorned with flowers. Someone must have been tending the cave passage.

"Who is the head of the office?" asked Emma in the half-shadow.

"He's the boss of this plant." the woman replied curtly, "Please ask later, I can't hear very much over this rattling."

Claire did the same to Emma and examined the uneven wall. Claire would have preferred to analyse the woman further, but Claire feared the eyes. She thought her counterpart could suck out the soul with her eyes.

That's when it happened.

An echo sounded and the day emerged. The slope led downwards for thirty, forty feet, apparently into an enclosed river or lake. Fifty feet or more, the walls reached upwards, into freedom. Between heaven and hell, it travelled in a semicircle along the gorge before crossing a metal bridge into the next underground corridor.

Now Claire examined her counterpart very closely. With a curious, shy gaze, she followed the black hair, the dark eyes, her posture.

It did not occur to her to question where they were. Emma muttered something about mines and slavery. Then Claire noticed the woman's perfidious smirk.

Did she just hear Emma?

They had no idea how slowly the train was actually moving.

Again, through a shaft, deeper into the earth, after a few minutes (which seemed like hours to them) they reached a larger, man-made cave. Several tracks led together. People, mostly men stood in front of many, many machines of the same kind, with different numbers. Some went into tunnels, others emerged next to them after they had stopped.

With her hands withdrawn and an unaccustomed silence, the woman got out and revealed her power. The workers greeted her with all their might and then continued.

"Disembark!" the black-haired woman ordered, "We have arrived."

She closed the door behind them and took the lead. Emma couldn't talk much to Claire. The woman hissed several times to stifle Emma's chatter.

Many steps went up before the roar was muffled. The rough rocks were replaced by concrete. The stairs became lighter. They passed through a thick iron door. Another followed it.

For ten minutes they waddled through a complex of concrete and steel, not knowing whether they were above or below the surface.

Only the skylights suggested they were above ground. Along a long corridor with a single brown door, they seemed to have arrived. The woman knocked.

"Mr Neumann, the intruders are here," she spoke and then turned to the girls, “Get in! “

They were pushed. They had no chance to dodge after hearing the word intruders.

The office was tidy. It certainly looked that way. A bookshelf with documents and coffee-table books overlapped between single sheets and empty photo frames. A cactus stood by a window. It faced just against the orange-brown rocks. The desk was placed right next to the wall, on it a new-fangled painting by an unknown artist. The many black and yellow blobs were obviously drawn by a child, the straight lines, and geometric figures by his father.

The desk was almost empty. The head of the office was standing in front of it.

He must have been shorter than the woman. He had light brown hair, it resembled hawk feathers. Between them, one could make out silver-grey, which grew most clearly on his lowly defined sideburns. His face was rigid, stony, angular, with a round nose. His lips pulled a gentle, barely discernible smile, while his amber eyes gazed at the two girls. It was a very sly look; it carried a kind of shrewdness in the deep-set eyes and still, there was something good-natured about them. Or was it the thin brows that did it? He wore a plain waistcoat with a bow tie and a flat cap. The chain of a pocket watch hung out of his pocket. His fingers were dirty, scratched and covered with small wrinkles.

On his right middle finger was a platinum ring with the initials D and N.

"How did you get here?"

Despite his severity, he spoke with a soothing accent from Berschlandt. Suddenly Emma stood in front of him and raised her voice.

"We are on our way to Eldingen! Someone brought us here-"

"My dear Miss," the head of the office interrupted her, "Eldingen is miles away. We are in Edward-Lloyd-Newman City, a closed city."

To XII.2.


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Mon Nov 29, 2021 7:00 pm
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MailicedeNamedy says...



Hi @RandomTalks

Thank you very much for your review! :D

One thing is very clear though - you meant for this woman to leave a lasting impression on us.

Yeah, she is just mentioned by name once in a previous chapter, but only as side character. She will be more important from now on. That´s why there is that extrem long description. I had a pretty clear picture of her in my head during the creation.
Oh, and I meant by Claire seing a counterpart more like an opposite part of her. Like everything that Claire isn´t, is this woman.

We basically view their observations and descriptions of what is going on, but there is the sense of panic and fear that is missing.


Good point. I have to create more of a fear here. I guess Claire is more of a "Complicit when it comes to not causing problems." and Emma is full in her naive youth.

Mailice




RandomTalks says...


You are very welcome and also, thanks for the explanations! :)



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Mon Nov 29, 2021 6:01 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I know I have quite a long way to go before I catch up, but I am here to get back on this very exciting novel again!

Okay, I know its been a while, but I went back to the previous chapter and still this one seems a little confusing to me. From, what I remember, the last chapter was rather short and relaxing, with the girls arriving in a small village that they had mistaken for their destination. This chapter opens with an extremely mysterious aura and we instantly realize that that things are not how they appear to be. They are in a different place, and they seem to have no recollection of moving there. There are a lot of questions that I can ask here, but I have a feeling that we are going to get more explanations as we move further along the plot. I don't really mind being clueless about what is going on. It makes the story more exciting and adds a thrill of danger and fear that we hadn't really experienced before, not even with the shooting in the party.

I really love your descriptions in this part. From describing the place to the new characters that appear here, your words almost have a poetic quality to them. Especially the description of the mysterious woman. It was detailed and descriptive and I really enjoyed the similes you used. The words you used to describe her seemed to be very carefully chosen, and they added so much weight and personality to this unnamed woman we have never met until now. And yet, we simply understand at first glance that this is not a woman you can mess with. She seems strong and cold, fierce and mechanical, cunning and powerful, beautiful and shady. She is wrapped up in this mysterious darkness and I can use so many contrasting words to describe my thoughts of her. One thing is very clear though - you meant for this woman to leave a lasting impression on us.

Something I don't understand is Claire's similarity to this woman. She seems convinced that she is her counterpart, and yet this woman's dark mysterious aura, and cunning beauty isn't something I would associate with Claire. The woman is someone who exudes power and personality and who belongs everywhere she goes. It does not match with Claire's innocence, her awkwardness and flights of imagination. Maybe the only thing I find in common between them is the nonchalance with which they both view the world. Claire claimed that it was her dark sinister and hollow look that made her believe she was looking at her reflection, and it made me wonder if this is how she views herself. Because I can find no other resemblances between them. Claire exudes light and quiet innocence for me, and if this how she thinks of herself, then I feel it is quite tragic.

Now, I have no clue about who the gunmen, the woman and the head of the office are. This entire business seems shady and sinister to me and I have a feeling that nothing good will come out of this. I am a little confused about why Claire and Emma are going along with this, why they are keeping quiet and not asking any questions. I think their reactions here could have been made more realistic. We basically view their observations and descriptions of what is going on, but there is the sense of panic and fear that is missing. They don't know where they are, who these people are, or what is going to happen next. For two people who have always been closed in their hometowns, this is quite a big deal and if it were me, I would have been full-on panicking by now. Yet, there is curiosity in Claire's observations and a sort of awe in her descriptions of the woman. The fear and danger is there at some back corner of their conscience.

Overall, this was a really exciting beginning to the chapter. It not only moves the plot along, but it drops us right in the middle of something bigger that is going on. It will be interesting to see what happens next, and what this new information means for Emma and Claire.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Finally, finally I am here. That was really a surprise. I, honestly didn't expect the chapter to begin like that. I was expecting it to go rather slow and boom, everything changed. Anyway, to the review.

I do wonder who was the person who brought them there. As long as I remember, they took shelter in someone's cottage who behaved quite well with them. Now I do think that this Gauland was not a part of the closed city or was it? Who knows. However, going with the first theory, it was someone who brought them there. Now I don't see anyone doing any sort of treachery with them. So, maybe the boatman reported something. I seriously can't figure out what had happened in this seemingly very short period of time. Were they completely mistaken by their map? I don't have the slightest idea. Better to leave it at that. We will figure out soon, I guess.

Okay, so. I was a bit confused about why they didn't recognize that the room was different? Was it just a product of tiredness? Perhaps. However, I liked the fact that they did understood it later. Again, their behaviour seemed a bit unnatural to the situation.

I am always surprised by Claire's feelings and emotions. This chapter further confirms the fact that Claire indeed have some relation with the Goddess. The description of the woman and Claire's feelings were wonderful. We have portraits here(connects to the mosiac). The thing about which I wonder the most is the influence on Claire's mind. I am not very sure of this but I did have a feeling that her mind was being continuously influenced by someone and her feelings were controlled. The woman perhaps was not a normal woman, a very magical woman, maybe. Oh wait, maybe they were brought there because the goddess wanted or something like that.

The detail of the initial was an interesting one. I can't remember anyone of that sort of name but maybe I will remember sometime. Hm... ELN city. A good cliffhanger we got there. I will get to the next part soon. Hope u receive notification for this one.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






Thank you for your review! :D



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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayyy...so we've got ourselves a very intriguing start to this chapter. I was expecting a much more laidback start with perhaps an arrival in their destination but this is just a complete left field situation it appears and things are instantly a lot more exciting and I like that. Its always fun when a part of a book you think is going to move along slowly just out of nowhere becomes very interesting.

Anyway let's get right to it,

If Claire were to reconstruct the night, she would have to admit that she couldn't remember anything. It was usually in the morning hours that she remembered the wonderful, painless dreams that gave her imagination a new flow of movement.

That morning, she felt dizzy and sick.

It was pitch dark in the room. She felt her way through the bed and a little later landed on the floor.

"Emma?" she beeped sceptically.

There was no answer. Claire freed herself from the blanket and stood in the darkness.

Wasn't there a window from the edge of the bed?

Groping, she had to realise that she had made a mistake. Even the cupboard seemed to be missing.

"Emma?" asked Claire again, just as she found her bed.

A noise came from the room as if someone wanted to continue sleeping. Crawling, she wandered to her corner. Claire felt Emma´s warm breath at the tip of her nose. Giggling, she avoided it and grabbed her shoulder.

"Emma, wake up. We have to go."


Okayyy....well that's a cute moment there to start off on. Wasn't expecting to run into that of all things, but its a really sweet little moment between the two and ahhh...well I'll cherish these while they still exist. They moment they get anywhere near Léonard it all breaks down.

Somewhat phlegmatically, the sleeping friend turned to her. With another shake of her shoulder and a shout, Emma crawled deeper under the covers. With an annoyed jerk, Claire pulled them off and almost landed on the floor. Only now did the young woman stir slightly.

"What happened?"

"Time to wake up."

"Open the windows, please. I can't see a thing."

"I didn't find any," Claire said quietly.

“You weren't looking!" Emma spoke in a huff and clattered across the room.

As she almost fell down, light filtered in. The door was open, glaring sunlight illuminated the barren landscape.

The two mattresses were old and greasy, with little black dots collecting in some places. Until they started to move, it seemed to be mould.

"Here are the shoes," Claire said in amazement as she ventured a glance outside.

They were on a long road with concrete bunkers lined up, obscuring the orange and cinnamon brown rocks. The clear sky pressed heat onto the sandy ground. As far as she could see, there was not a soul on the road.

"Where are we?" asked Emma quietly as she put on her shoes.


Okayyy.....well this is just continuing to get more entertaining. I am also seeing that maybe something's happened her in the middle that we don't quite know what with the whole nausea and Emma being generally unable to wake up, but it just such a wholesome scene that I'm choosing to ignore the warning signs.

Emma helped her up when an automobile could be heard in the distance. The small dot grew steadily larger. The car came to a stop right before the door.

Two men got out. One wore glasses, the other was armed.

"Please get in. You will be taken to the head of the office," the bespectacled man spoke sternly.

"Where are we? What is this place?" Emma wanted to know.

Claire shook her head. Shaky and nervous, as if they had both done something wrong, she stood up and marched to the men.

"The head of the office can explain that to you. Please get in," the gunman repeated.

"Come on, Emma," Claire pleaded.

She knelt in front of the men and stared them both in the eye. The gunman did not pull out his pistol.

"We still have our things in the room," Emma whispered meekly.

"Rudolf!"

"Alright!"


OKayy...I mean..now I'm just imagining a reindeer sorry but umm...well, there's certainly a few details there that don't immediately strike you but are certainly things to be worrying about....hmm, well, well, well I wonder what those two have gotten upto here.

They don't belong to any of the Baron's police... The HePo has blue uniforms, the SG mustard-brown ones and the WA has those poison-green-black leather coats...

Claire said nothing when her friend nudged her.

The car did not go back. It followed the invisible road to another concrete block of buildings. They all looked the same. There was no life anywhere.

"Are we in the desert?" asked Emma in a weak voice.

"No."

"Where are we?"

"You can find out from the head of the office."

They stopped at a brick house. The men opened the doors for the prisoners and handed them their bags.

"Be careful, it's a narrow stairway down," Rudolf explained and unlocked the steel door.


Okay...wow this all feels rather covert and almost a little dangerous. It doesn't sound like there's anything bad going to happen, they're being treated rather well and the officers are pretty calm and just gently telling them what to do but there's a sense of mystery and Claire's little observations are certainly making things very interesting here.

Turning her brief gaze upwards, Claire saw walls jutting out of the rocks. Towers and people were everywhere. Were they guarding something?

It took less than five seconds for Emma to stumble down the many steps. Once she reached the bottom, she lay between tyres, her bottom back aching. With a tiny tear and a sober curse, she noticed the foul smell.

"Wait here. You will be picked up," the man with glasses spoke, "Pay attention to your surroundings!"

They did not know what he meant.

Only when another steel gate rattled open at the side did they recognise tracks on the floor. Modern and new, they could see themselves reflected in them. Some rails had an old date written on them, the letters ELN above them.


Okayy...well that was also a little suspicious sounding and right now I'm also just as confused about what's going on as the two girls, but I get the sense that whatever craziness was happening is now somehow over and things are about to get back to normal here.

Rudolf shook the driver's hand while the man wearing glasses at the very back of the train opened the side door for a person.

"Thank you very much, Hermann."

A woman stepped out and walked dead straight to Claire and Emma.

Before anyone could utter a word, before Emma could remark, before anyone could even ask about this place, Claire wanted to be alone. It was like a wave that had taken hold of her, a mist that beguiled her and made her want to be in a small room with just her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and a chill ran down her spine. Claire didn´t know what she was feeling. But she knew that she only wanted to share these pleasurable goosebumps with her.

The sinister, half-length, dead-black hair brought even the darkness into shadow. It sucked up all the light in her surroundings.

Her face was reminiscent of a portrait by an obsessed artist. It was perfect. Everything in her face was perfect and symmetrically lined up. It was almost terrifying.


Okay maybe not things just got a little bit more creepy here. Its a very interesting description to be leading with here and I'm very curious where this is going to go. I am going to assume maybe this is that head of the office or something that they were talking about.

It was an enchanting creature, barely taller than Claire. Her aura was graceful, persistent, and cunning. She seemed possessed and bitter, pleased and perhaps even sadistic. An aura emanated from her that could not be defined. It seemed as if the train driver was afraid of her and avoided any eye contact. Rudolf and his partner only spoke when she ordered them to.

This look...

The young Silberlilie has swept away. That look, those eyes, it reminded her of her reflection. Those dark, sinister eyes, that almost impassive expression tense with an inscrutable soul and yet... there was something about her that Claire could not explain.


Hmm...wow that description went on for some time there. I'm almost think its a little too long there but then this is still very relevant to the flow of the story so its not too much..bit of a mixed feeling on this one, but I will say the description was pretty awesome. It seems you really want us to remember this woman for some reason.

"At your service!" both men said reverently goodbye.

The driver climbed back into the machine and croaked something unintelligible.

"Get in, we'll take you to the head of the office," she spoke in her hauntingly soothing voice.

As if by magic, they got in.


Oh dang...that wasn't even the head of office....okay...well, that's a surprise, but hmm, well let's see if this other person manages to be even more impressive or if that part ends up a bit more glossed over.

"Who is the head of the office?" asked Emma in the half-shadow.

"He's the boss of this plant." the woman replied curtly, "Please ask later, I can't hear very much over this rattling."

Claire did the same to Emma and examined the uneven wall. Claire would have preferred to analyse the woman further, but Claire feared the eyes. She thought her counterpart could suck out the soul with her eyes.

That's when it happened.

An echo sounded and the day emerged. The slope led downwards for thirty, forty feet, apparently into an enclosed river or lake. Fifty feet or more, the walls reached upwards, into freedom. Between heaven and hell, it travelled in a semicircle along the gorge before crossing a metal bridge into the next underground corridor.


OKayy....well some sneaky stuff is definitely going on around here....and just...well this is a lot to take in here. We're transitioning from a good scene of just the two of them on a simple walk in the previous part to now this rapidly approaching sense of dread and just all sort of very interesting descriptions.

Again, through a shaft, deeper into the earth, after a few minutes (which seemed like hours to them) they reached a larger, man-made cave. Several tracks led together. People, mostly men stood in front of many, many machines of the same kind, with different numbers. Some went into tunnels, others emerged next to them after they had stopped.

With her hands withdrawn and an unaccustomed silence, the woman got out and revealed her power. The workers greeted her with all their might and then continued.

"Disembark!" the black-haired woman ordered, "We have arrived."


Okay so we arrive at wherever this is...perhaps now the mystery will be unravelled somewhat. There's certainly a sense that whatever all of this tension has been building to is just about to be released at this point.

They were pushed. They had no chance to dodge after hearing the word intruders.

The office was tidy. It certainly looked that way. A bookshelf with documents and coffee-table books overlapped between single sheets and empty photo frames. A cactus stood by a window. It faced just against the orange-brown rocks. The desk was placed right next to the wall, on it a new-fangled painting by an unknown artist. The many black and yellow blobs were obviously drawn by a child, the straight lines, and geometric figures by his father.

The desk was almost empty. The head of the office was standing in front of it.


Well dang...they did in fact lie to them quite a bit and end up declaring them as intruders probably to be given some form of punishment of some kind I would assume. Well, I won't say it took me by surprise but I was definitely not expecting. I was suspicious at first but after about halfway through these people acted civilly enough without overdoing it that I actually believed them for a minute until of course this point.

He must have been shorter than the woman. He had light brown hair, it resembled hawk feathers. Between them, one could make out silver-grey, which grew most clearly on his lowly defined sideburns. His face was rigid, stony, angular, with a round nose. His lips pulled a gentle, barely discernible smile, while his amber eyes gazed at the two girls. It was a very sly look; it carried a kind of shrewdness in the deep-set eyes and still, there was something good-natured about them. Or was it the thin brows that did it? He wore a plain waistcoat with a bow tie and a flat cap. The chain of a pocket watch hung out of his pocket. His fingers were dirty, scratched and covered with small wrinkles.

On his right middle finger was a platinum ring with the initials D and N.

"How did you get here?"

Despite his severity, he spoke with a soothing accent from Berschlandt. Suddenly Emma stood in front of him and raised her voice.

"We are on our way to Eldingen! Someone brought us here-"

"My dear Miss," the head of the office interrupted her, "Eldingen is miles away. We are in Edward-Lloyd-Newman City, a closed city."


Mr. whoever your name is...that is a very long name for a city...but umm also well something bad is maybe going to happen, there's no open hostility but the girls are clearly not supposed to be here and these people seem to suggest they came here of their own volition which doesn't appear to be true but those people don't quite seem to believe that...well, its a very interesting little cliffhanger here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, it appears that this chapter is off to quite the start here and I love the tension that we get built up here. On the whole I liked this part quite a bit....let's see where this is going here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Thank you very much for your review! :D



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D



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Fri Nov 05, 2021 1:50 pm
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Col3 wrote a review...



After reading this, all I can say is wow. This was amazing! I was captivated and couldn't stop reading until the very last word! I really hope you make more chapters soon, cause I don't think I can wait for very long. It was very interesting, especially when the MCs found themselves in a tricky situation. I really love the detail and thought that went into this chapter! I also really like the ending, it wasn't a bad cliffhanger but it was enough to make more want more. I can't wait for future chapters and thank you for giving us this wonderful chapter!

Have a good day/night and stay safe!






Thank you very much, Col3! :D




Who, being loved, is poor?
— Oscar Wilde