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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 8.4

by HarryHardy


He only managed to drift in and out of sleep every hour or so. This continued until, after waking up for the fifth time, he decided it was time to get up and start the day. It was only a couple of hours until Wake Up and he knew subjecting himself to trying to get another hour of sleep would be pointless.

He decided the best way to start the day was probably to see if their mother had returned from her midnight excursion and grill her about any results that she'd managed to get from said excursion.

This thought firmly held in mind, Harry finished up his morning routine in record time. He checked the time. There was still still had an hour and forty-five minutes before he would have to go wake Aria. He set out towards his mother’s room hoping that she had some news. Oh please be awake. Please be awake.

He tiptoed towards the central living area. It was just a bare room that had no furniture or anything of any sort. There was just a single green noticeboard where the duty times for family members were written so that they knew when it occasionally overlapped enough for all of them to be together. He made his way past it towards the door leading to the place where his parents' rooms were. His father's room, as it nearly always was when Harry was free, was empty. In the past couple of years, it was a very rare occurrence to find him home at the same time as Harry. His mom's door was ajar. Yes. Yes. Yes. She must be awake or at least not asleep. She never goes to sleep without closing that door.

To err on the side of caution, he controlled his urge to barge into the room and made his way as silently as he could, painstakingly making his way across the hard concrete. It took him almost two minutes of tiptoeing but soon he was gently pushing the door open, trying his best to make sure the hinge did not creak too much.

Unfortunately, there was no one inside. Harry let out a disappointed sigh. Guess I have to wait till the end of the day to find out. If she's not here now, she's definitely not going to be getting back before its time for us to leave. Oh well. Might as well wake Aria up and see if we can get an early start provided Daisy shows up.

He tiptoed back, this time more to use up time rather than to be quiet. Before long, Aria was giving him the 'I told you so' look as she dragged herself out of bed and shooed him out to get ready for the day. Soon, the duo was heading out for the hall, Aria still bleary eyed and Harry excited for the day to begin.

Unlike their last early arrival, Daisy was not waiting for them. The two of them waited, Aria leaning against a wall and quietly observing the room while Harry prowled the entrances waiting for Daisy or his mom to show up.

Daisy finally appeared five minutes before the official time for them to leave. After a few greetings and some excited whispers promising more information about the conversation with Mrs. Kane the trio set off for the umpteenth time heading towards their designated area for yet another long day of work.

It was lunchtime, or brunchtime as Harry had recently taken to calling it, when they finally managed to find a safe enough location and time to inform Daisy of the developments of the previous night.

"Okay guys, the suspense will kill me soon. Spill it all now," ordered Daisy, as soon as the three of them had settled down complete with their servings of bland porridge. Daisy had spent the entire day looking she might explode at any moment.

"Umm not too much to say but to cut a long story short, mom took off immediately saying that she needed to talk to a few people. We haven't gotten a chance to find out what happened after that. We might have to wait till tonight before we can know for sure what exactly is going on," explained Aria quickly, while Harry nodded vigorously in the right places.

"Ohh...I was hoping for more," said Daisy, looking dissapointed. "You guys kept me in suspense for that."


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Tue Sep 28, 2021 12:25 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I liked how this part felt a little separated from the main plot. It felt like a moment to breathe and take in all the musings and reflections in Harry's mind. I liked how you took a simple excursion through their personal quarters to explore Harry's thoughts. We also got to know a bit about their father. Well, we didn't get to know anything actually, except that he is always busy and never available at the same time as his kids. He must lead a lonely sort of existence. Harry ad Aria seem to be at peace with it, because I have never heard them complain. Then again I don't think any room for complaining remains when your daily decisions are made by a bunch of aliens who have you imprisoned. Still, I appreciate that you included that tiny bit of information about their father. It is better to know something rather than nothing.

It's true that their quarters are not really their home, and they work all day anyways. But it seems to me that the aliens were comparatively generous while assigning them their quarters. They each have a room of their own, and if you ask me, that's more than I would have expected from the aliens.

Moving on, I think Harry is the only person who can still start the day with excitement after catching not a single blink of sleep the night before. He has a day full of work and no rest in between and still he is his usual cheerful self. I wish I could borrow some of that charisma.

Now, this chapter felt mostly like a filler. Nothing of significance happens here, but we do get to spend some time inside Harry's head and learn that bit of information about their father. It had a nice relaxing pace to it, so I am not not complaining. Too much excitement is never good!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Mon Sep 27, 2021 12:18 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

The thing is I quite enjoy the fact that Harry is a heavy sleeper in general but he can't sleep even for a short period of time when he is excited or worried about something. This kind of suggests to me that he will not get a good sleep for quite some days, provided there will be some exciting activites going on for the next few days.

excursion and grill her about any results that she'd managed to get from said excursion.

I think it's better to remove 'said' and just replace it with 'the'.
There was still still had an hour and forty-five minutes before he would have to go wake Aria.

What did u mean by still still had? I don't know but I think it would be still and the other still and had are extra.
She must be awake or at least not asleep

This kind of feels repetitive and I think writing she must be awake is enough.
Okay guys, the suspense will kill me soon. Spill it all now," ordered Daisy,

Okay, seems like I have some sort of enemity with the word "spill".
settled down complete with their servings of bland porridge

Interesting detail we have here. Bland porridge is a valid food, I mean we know about it. So, nothing new in food habits. Porridge actually has a taste but I guess they make it in a very bad manner and thus, it just loses its taste.
Ohh...I was hoping for more," said Daisy, looking dissapointed. "You guys kept me in suspense for that

This is what happens when someone pours water over all the mysteries.

Okay, the most interesting detail here in this part is about the father of Harris Kane. I wonder what the actual case is. What his task actually is. We don't know about him much but seems like he has a very hard task to do in some department. It makes me wonder about the departments, if there is any. I would like to see about the father from Aria's POV.

I wonder what Mrs. Kane actually managed to do in the night. She didn't have any duties in the day so she should have been back by then but she wasn't. Makes me wonder if something actually happened to her. If something happened to her, it's definitely not something good. I am worried about her and other humans.

Okay so two hopes were destroyed. First, Harry's hope at finding his mother and the other is Daisy's hope of knowing and discovering something interesting. It again relates them. Overall, it was a good one, we came to know about two important things in this part.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Mon Sep 27, 2021 8:13 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with a short review! :D

This part read a little differently than the one before. We experience a miracle, Harry is awake early and wants to quench his curiosity right away. I like this short excursion through the empty corridors and also a bit of information about the father. I don't remember if he's been mentioned before, but I think it gives a kind of mystery at that moment because he's never present. It also gives me the feeling that Harry and Aria are still a bit attached to their mother, and that's probably why they confide in her.

The pacing here in the part was a bit bumpy. I thought sometimes you jumped too much from one point to another without creating a "proper" transition. Sometimes it made sense, but only if you as a reader made an effort to see a connection. Sometimes I also found the flow of reading here a bit stagnant. The sentences were laid out in a wave-like form and therefore gave this funny feeling now and then, as if you were always pressing on a brake when you were about to start.

Otherwise, I liked this introspective view of Harry and how you combined it with the descriptions. There was again this sense of emptiness and loneliness and you realised there was something strange about Harry being out on his own like that.

Other points I noticed while reading:

There was still still had an hour and forty-five minutes before he would have to go wake Aria.

This sentence suffers a little from the constellation of words. I think the "still had" is too much here and then it looks a bit better.

In the past couple of years, it was a very rare occurrence to find him home at the same time as Harry. His mom's door was ajar.

Here the transition is a bit hard to follow because you jump from one parent to the other and it doesn't read fluently. I think a "but" would change the flow of the reading a bit.

"Ohh...I was hoping for more," said Daisy, looking dissapointed. "You guys kept me in suspense for that.”

Since you've already mentioned that this part is a bit of a filler, I wonder why Daisy didn't read that too. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm..didn't expect for this part to come off bumpy, definitely gotta look into that.




I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights