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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 8.3

by HarryHardy


"Okay mom...so the door was replaced," said Harry, and before Mrs. Kane could even gasp he blurted out the rest," but I checked and I think some of the wiring might still be damaged because..."

"...you can't replace the wiring in that short a time," finished Mrs. Kane, her expression changing instantly. She quickly got up, disentangling herself from the two of them.

"Where are you going? Are you seriously going to check it tonight?" asked Harry.

"Not me, but someone will be checking it tonight," she said, giving them all a beaming smile," we put things off the last time the door vulnerable and it didn't end well, that's not going to happen this time."

"But like right this second?" asked Aria.

"Yes...there are plenty of people who are out and about at this time. Trust me. I'll make it happen. Now you two have had a long day. Get some sleep because you'll have to do it all over again tomorrow. I won't be back for quite some time," she ordered and turned to leave.

"But Mom?" asked Harry.

"Yes Harry," she replied, turning around.

"Don't you need your rest too?" he asked.

"I, unlike you two, don't have work the entire day tomorrow, so I have some leeway. Now please get some sleep. Goodnight! Sweet dreams!"

"Good Luck on whatever you're going to do Mom," called out Harry, as Mrs. Kane walked off, walking with fast purposeful strides.

"Well that actually went as we predicted it would," said Harry, turning to Aria," I can't believe it."

"Yeah," said Aria," that's definitely the biggest surprise for today."

"Hmm...so you want to go to sleep sis?" asked Harry.

"Did I just hear Harris Kane say that he wants to go to sleep?" she asked," the world really is changing these days."

"Hey, I'm allowed to occasionally be responsible you know," said Harry, pouting. 

"I think tomorrow is going to be another day where I wake up to find you already ready to go," said Aria.

"And why would that be?" said Harry.

"Because you can never get to sleep when you're excited about something like this," she said, getting up.

"Unfortunately, you're correct," said Harry," okay correction, let's try to get to sleep and fail miserably."

"That's more like it," said Aria with a smile. She began heading off for her room," Good Night!"

"Night, sis. Sweet dreams," said Harry, turning to leave before stopping at the door to his room.

"Wait a minute, I forgot something," he called and ran towards Aria.

"And what's that?" asked Aria, turning just in time for Harry to engulf her in a hug. She returned the hug and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Good night again," she whispered.

"Good night," said Harry and this time he made it all the way to his bed where he proceeded to change as fast as he could before he climbed onto the cold steel and lay down. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would eventually come his way.

True to Aria's prediction, Harry had a tough time getting to sleep that night. Lying in bed and willing himself to sleep was not proving to be a very effective strategy. He tossed and turned, the hard metal underneath not exactly helping matters by making it impossible for him to get comfortable. 


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308 Reviews


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Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:55 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I loved the way you have portrayed Harry in this part. His nervousness was kind of adorable in the previous part, and I honestly thought he would fait before actually getting a single word out. The way he stuttered through his explanation to his mother made me smile as it brings forth his childishness that he has still retained somehow.

I also loved how both the siblings were so right in guessing their mother's reaction after hearing the news. The way she instantly jumped into action mode without wasting a second shows her diligence and her dedication to getting all of them out of this life. The entire conversation also spoke of the love between the three of them and how well they know each other as individuals.

I also loved the light bickering between Harry and Aria. Their verbal exchanges are always very entertaining and one can never have enough of them. I liked the way you showed Harry as the 'little brother' in this pat. The innocence with which he ran up to his sister and give her that goodnight hug made me smile and wish my own brother was half as good as him. The most amazing thing about Harry and Aria is the relationship they share - so sweet and adorable and natural. It makes me wonder if they have ever gone into disagreements or fights with each other. No brother and sister can live such peaceful lives beside each other, can they?

That's all for this one!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Mon Sep 27, 2021 8:06 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Harry quickly told his mother everything. It came out like a waterfall and the relief afterwards was obvious, as his curiosity increased again. I think it's good that this change is shown so obviously. I also like that his mother believes him and that he is not somehow denounced. It already seems like a clear detail that will contribute to an importance if Harry will meet his mother.

The conversation with Aria afterwards was also completely different from the previous part. I think you do a good job of portraying Harry here. At this point, I especially liked how the childish fear of going to his mother and telling her something dissolved after he was believed.

One thing I noticed is that sometimes you don't put in commas, especially in dialogue before a name or noun appears. Since I'm not an expert in these things, I can't always give an exact explanation. :D I'm glad that we got to the point quickly here and that the plot also moved forward a bit more swiftly at this point, after having been so preoccupied with Harry in the first parts.

Other points I noticed while reading:

"...you can't replace the wiring in that short a time,"

I think here it should actually be "you can't replace the wiring in that short amount of time." At least in this way, or in another way, because it reads as if something is missing from the sentence.

"Yes Harry," she replied, turning around.

Here's what I mean, there should actually be a comma after the "yes". Otherwise, it can lead to problems, especially in longer dialogues, if the comma is missing and you can't distinguish between the two halves of the sentence.


Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Sun Sep 26, 2021 5:03 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey, Forever here with a review!!

Nothing unexpected happened here. It was a pretty good part and I am quite interested to know what is gonna happen next.

but I checked and I think some of the wiring might still be damaged because..."

"...you can't replace the wiring in that short a time," finished Mrs. Kane, her expression changing instantly.

I wonder if these ellipses can be replaced by '–' because I guess he was cut short by Mrs. Kane or did he actually pause after saying that when Mrs. Kane completed it. I can't find a reason for him to stop but maybe he was breathless due to his tension. If you want to continue with the ellipses, maybe add a because before you can't replace in Mrs. Kane's dialogue.

I like how Aria still appears to be a bit doubtful about the door. It gives a good hint that the past is not totally erased, it is still there lingering in one corner of her mind. Harry doesn't appear to be very doubtful and he seems to be quite hopeful about it.

Now the question is about this someone. If Harry had a chance to suggest someone's name, he would have suggested the name of Summers but he didn't have the chance. I wonder if Mrs. Kane will choose the same person. Also, it totally doesn't depend on her will, the others also matter here.

I am very curious to knoe if the whole humanity is aware of this campaign or let's say, mission. Doesn't seem that the whole humanity knows about it. Only they know about it. I also wonder if wandering here and there is allowed during the night and if there are night-time human workers. A lot of questions.

Another important that happened in this chapter is we came to know about the real name of Harry. I thought Harry to be his real name but seems like I was wrong.

I liked thr humour in this part and it's a pity that Harry couldn't sleep at night. And I wonder about the metal underneath. Seems like their beds are made up of metal. Overall, I can't wait to see what happens next.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!




Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala