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Nonsense

by TheRebel2007


When a lion met a porcupine
And they got merged,
The 'lionine' went to the Palatine
To get registered.

Then an elephant met a seal -
Confused was the 'elepheal';
'Cause when land and water deal,
They always leave unpaid the bill.

And then came shark to parrot -
Thus they merged together
To form the species 'sharrot'
Horror was teeth and feather.

Finally came turtle and dog -
They looked like a strange log;
And the fantabulous 'turtog'
Traded spices in cogs.

And then they all told each other
That they would rather
Hold in the sea, the rudder
Than become a hatter.

All this doesn't make quite sense -
But, I have, for my defence,
If it, to you, really did do offence -
Why did you read this? It's named 'Nonsense.'


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Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:02 pm
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Phillauthet wrote a review...



Hi! I'm here for a quick review.

Wow! This was an amazing bit of poetry. So funny and 'nonsensical', but it somehow made sense to me (maybe that's just me being weird). It reminded me of this poem 'Mish Mash' I read a long while back, I don't remember who wrote it.
Now, on to the review.

Glows:

I really loved the way you've merged the words. They sound like they are actual words (no offence. Of course, they're your words)

I'm just going to focus on a few parts I loved most:

Horror was teeth and feather.

That was a really good line. To me, it has two meanings: • They were completely different animals (sky, sea...) • Shark attacks were now combined with bright green feathers. (Come to think of it, that would actually be scary)

All this doesn't make quite sense -
But, I have, for my defence,
If it, to you, really did do offence -
Why did you read this? It's named 'Nonsense.'

Now THAT is what I call an amazing ending. It was just so unexpected and funny. The commas and punctuation really give that rhythmic feel, which I think is amazing.


Grows

This poem was really good, but I found some parts which could be improved on. Take what you want, leave the rest!

Then an elephant met a seal -
Confused was the 'elepheal';
'Cause when land and water deal,
They always leave unpaid the bill.

In this stanza, I think the last line doesn't really rhyme. I noticed that you have an alternating rhyme scheme of ABAB and AAAA, and this feels a little weird. You could try replacing the last two lines with something like "The biggest problem was their meal, ele wanted grass and eal wanted eel"

Finally came turtle and dog -
They looked like a strange log;
And the fantabulous 'turtog'
Traded spices in cogs.

The last line seems a little too ridiculous to me, like something I would put just for it to rhyme. You could try putting something making a little more sense. But again, the poem is called 'Nonsense' for a reason, so you can leave that there.

Overall, I think this was an amazing, very funny poem.

That's all I have for you right now. Hope my review was helpful, have a great (whatever time of the day it is)!

Keep Writing!

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Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:27 am
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AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions :) I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

I really love this! it is so sweet and really really gives me wholesome feelings for some reasons. I love animals, so it made me smile and I read it. the last two parts bring it all together!

"And then they all told each other
That they would rather
Hold in the sea, the rudder
Than become a hatter.

All this doesn't make quite sense -
But, I have, for my defence,
If it, to you, really did do offence -
Why did you read this? It's named 'Nonsense.'"

Ellie-Mae




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Mon Sep 20, 2021 4:24 pm
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averyismediocre wrote a review...



This poem is very adorable! I loved the Dr. Seuss vibes it gave me. i will say the rhythm is kind of off. I think it would be good to adjust some syllables to give it a better flow. But other than that, I really enjoyed the poem! I love the different names you came up with for the fusions of animals as well. I have to wonder if there is a little more to this poem than meets the eye, but I couldn't decide on it for sure. Maybe some form of theme or symbolism disguised as nonsense. Or maybe there's nothing to it other than pure joy. Either way, I enjoyed it a lot and I hope to see more poems from you on here! -Avery




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Mon Sep 20, 2021 3:11 am
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HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello Hikari here with a review!

Honestly the title didn't prepare me at all for this poem, its fun and silly and weird and I love it!

{And then came shark to parrot -
Thus they merged together
To form the species 'sharrot'
Horror was teeth and feather.}

I think this was my favorite line! But the whole poem was awesome! Kudos ❤




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Hikari!



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Mon Sep 20, 2021 12:01 am
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there, Rebel!

I enjoyed reading this poem of yours. It’s rare nowadays to find poetry that’s written purely for delight, and to me this was one of them. It’s “Nonsense”, but it serves a function. I like the little fantastical world you built up, where animals can become merged together and react differently to their new condition. The idea that the ‘lionine’ would now have to go register themselves (as a new citizen?) made me chuckle.

Horror was teeth and feather.

I also liked that the stanza about the ‘sharrot’ prompted a different mood from the rest. I’d imagine a parrot being combined with a shark would be quite scary for the both of them!

Subject and Narrative

The world of this poem has some ‘Alice in Wonderland’ vibes, but also ‘The Wizard of Oz’ vibes, if that makes sense. On the one hand, the merging together of animals is a fantastical and absurd concept. On the other hand, the animals seem to have a governmental system (the Palatine), and an economy (trading spices). Which makes the world they live in seem to be a fully-fledged, functional fantasy universe.

The final stanza is a pretty interesting one. Of course, it drew a smile, because it breaks the fourth wall and is addressed directly to the reader. But I think it also makes an interesting rhetorical statement. If the animals merging doesn’t “make sense”, there means there’s no good reason for it to happen. So asking “why” the reader read this seems to connect to there being ‘no reason’. And since the reader read a poem called “Nonsense” for no good reason, then it suffices to say that it’s fine for something else that doesn’t have a reason to happen – like animals merging.

Sound and Structure

The structure of this poem makes it appear to be a regularly rhymed poem at first glance. Seeing that all the stanzas have the same number of lines at approximately the same length made me expect to find the same rhyme scheme throughout, but I didn’t. The first three stanzas have alternating rhyme abab, but the last three have the same rhyme in each line. I thought that was an interesting shift to see. Was there a purpose to it?

Another interesting point was that not all of the rhymes were ‘full’ rhymes. For example, in ‘deal’ and ‘bill’, only the vowels really rhyme (the ‘l’ in each is pronounced slightly differently for me). I think this feature of the poem stops it from sounding like a Dr. Seuss poem, and makes it something different, something more modern.

Some of my favourite lines in terms of structure were:
Then an elephant met a seal -
Confused was the 'elepheal';


“Then an EL|-ephant MET| a SEAL” would be how I’d describe the stressed versus unstressed syllables there. So it keep the same pattern of 2 unstressed followed by a stressed syllable for two feet (which I’ve divided with the ‘|’ signs) and then suddenly, the pattern changes into an iamb with “a SEAL”, reflecting that sense of surprise – why would an elephant meet a seal? That was unexpected. And then of course the ‘elepheal’ is “confused”.

And the fantabulous 'turtog'
Traded spices in cogs.


I like how the longer line is followed by a shorter one. The stress patterns also kind of build up anticipation: “and the” are both unstressed, while in “tur-tog” both syllables are stressed, so that line goes from very low emphasis to very high emphasis. Then starting the next line with a stressed syllable in “TRA-ded” helps to slope down from that peak. So I thought that the structure here matched the content being about a “fantabulous” turtog.

Overall

This was a fun and unusual poem! Hope some of these comments were helpful, and feel free to ask me anything about what I’ve said in the review. (Or ask for more feedback. Or talk about rhymes and rhythms.)

Keep writing!
-Lim
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TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Liminality!



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Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:35 pm
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pragyarchana wrote a review...



Hi,
I do not know if I am in a position to review since I myself am learning. But one thing I can say is that this poem is so different from what we often come across or read. It takes us into a world that is biologically impossible and yet finds a way into our fantasies. And this topsy- turvy kinda world is just fascinating to me personally because I love fiction. All the best for your future writings!

Regards
Pragya




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Pragya! This is just a nonsense lol


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pragyarchana says...


And this nonsense has its own beauty!



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Sat Sep 18, 2021 12:10 pm
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Aurora49 wrote a review...



Hey TheRebel2007,

What an awesome idea for a poem! I love it! It's a super creative and 'out of the box' kind of idea. It reminded me of Doctor Seuss because of the fun and made-up names of all the fun and made-up animals! Someone should draw them! Hahahaha! The last part is defiantly the best part as it adds some more spice to the whole poem by contradiction. what I mean by this is that you made the poem more interesting and memorable for the reader because most writers would want people to read their work. By saying "Why did you read this? It's named 'Nonsense.'" you made this poem more memorable because, as I said before, most writers would want people to read their poem, story or novel. This, oddly, makes it more memorable because it is uncommon. I hope that makes sense. Overall you did an amazing job at engaging the reader and making this poem unforgettable. Thank you for writing such a fun poem to take us all back to the good old memories of childhood! Have an awesome day, night, morning or evening!




TheRebel2007 says...


Thank you so much, Aurora! :p




"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
— Chuck Palahniuk