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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 7.2

by HarryHardy


"Soo...um...Daisy and I..." he began but stopped as Daisy frowned.

"I mean just me...just I... whatever. So...I... I came up with the idea that we should maybe take another quick look before we report this to anyone else," said Harry. At this point, the tension finally drained from his face and he let out the breath that he had been holding.

"Ohh...why did you have to go through all that drama just to tell me that?" said Aria, rolling her eyes," but to answer that.... why? It’s not like it's going to change."

"I just need to double check," said Harry," yesterday I saw that they'd put in a new door and I just sort of lost it from the shock at that point. Having thought about it last night, I realized I didn't really analyze it properly. On the off changed they might've missed something. You never know. It could happen."

"I highly doubt that Harry."

"But I just want to get a second look. What if there is something? An impact like that would've done quite a bit of damage to what that door mounted on to."

"Hmm...if you really want to," said Aria. Better that he has a clear conscience or he won't stop worrying about it for at least five years.

"See I told you she would agree," said Daisy, joining in.

"I guess you're right as always," said Harry.

"Duh...how long is it going to take for you to realize that listening to my advice is always a good idea."

"Too long," said Harry.

"Well...now that you've spilled that out can we avoid awkward dinners in the future," said Aria, "I'd much rather get ten more hours of work that sit through another ten minutes of whatever that was earlier."

"I don't make promises that I can't keep," said Harry and returned to his food. 

*******

The end of their shift was approaching.  They'd now fully removed the damaged wings of the ship which had cleared out a decent section of their work area. This meant their work was about a third of the way done. The next step would be getting through the hull of the ship and clearing out whatever was inside, which promised to be the most exciting. If the exterior of the ship was too burnt to reveal anything, the inside should certainly have something.

Before that however, they'd decided this was the perfect time for Harry to have his one final look at the door before they announced the news to the rest of camp. Aria had no belief it was going to reveal anything, but if was going to make Harry feel better, she wasn't going to stand in the way.

As Aria watched, she saw Harry going for a slightly risky move as he peered in very close to the door. It was dangerous, but she didn't move to stop him, knowing that the camera's pointed towards the door still blocked by the spaceship or too high up to pick up Harry just underneath them. She smiled at the thought. The aliens own tendency to put cameras out of human reach was coming back to bite them.

Harry appeared to be focusing mostly on the wiring that ran through the door, probably looking for flaws that could've developed from the crash. Aria had to give him credit for thinking of that. While the door was never going to have any flaws being brand new, the wiring system had to be the same. The time since the crash was nowhere near long enough to rewire an entire network like that. While the wires were tough, Aria had seen enough to know that very well, they'd never been hit by the force created by a crashing starfighter.

She squinted at the door, trying to make out what Harry was spending so much time looking at, but she could only make out the blurry outline of several streaks of bronze wiring. Harry seemed to be particularly interested with the strands that spread out from the center of the door. A smile appeared to be forming on his face. A smile. That might actually be good news. Oh dear if he actually finds a flaw he's not going to shut up about it for years. Oh well...seeing that smile on his face is worth being annoyed by him for the next five years.


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:50 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

So, here to finally be up-to-date with the latest part. Let's start right away; in general, I think the structure of Chapter 7 is very good. It definitely has some plot progression, but I see more character development and density here. The cooperation of Harry, Daisy and Aria has become really good and in my opinion it has reached its peak around 7.3 and 7.4.

Well, I liked that part in terms of the build-up. You could see here at the beginning that Harry is a bit reserved from his sister or even afraid, and you did a great job of showing his stuttering. It shows a new picture of his character. Aria was also interesting here, because she doesn't seem to believe in miracles directly, as I can read it.

The transition to a longer narrative block at the end was a good conclusion and I like the fact that you try to write it more vividly at this point. I wasn't so happy with the first section at the beginning because it didn't seem as "alive" as the next ones. It seems direct and neutral, like from a textbook. On its own, the part was also great, because it had this split mix of narration in direct and indirect form.

One think I noticed while reading:

"Hmm...if you really want to," said Aria. Better that he has a clear conscience or he won't stop worrying about it for at least five years.

This part actually seems quite humorous at first glance, but I realise that there have been times when things like this have happened that Aria didn't like so much, when Harry mourned or obsessed over something for too long. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Ehh...that was kind of to show that despite how much Aria seems to argue with Harry, she does still want to see him happy :D



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Mon Sep 20, 2021 5:41 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyy!! Forever here with a tiny review!!

First and foremost, I don't hope about anything. It's very easy foe the characters to hope when they are in such a bad situation–they are in what can be rightly called hell... However, it's not that easy for the readers when they are not in that hell and also have seen so many false hopes and failures. But I will just go with the characters and try.

I wonder when Harry managed to tell Daisy. During the course of cleaning? I guess that was in the presence of Aria, at least or did they have any moment when Aria was absent? I can't think of any such moment. So, I would just suggest to add something like Aria noticed them talking and wondered... Something like this. That will also add to creating the sense mystery.

I agree with Aria that that was a bit dramatic... A bit overdramatic, actually. Seems like Harry is not very sure of his sister's personality and characteristic traits. Otherwise, why was he soo afraid and stammered and stopped a lot during telling it to Aria. On the other hand, Daisy seems to be a bit concerned. I like how she encouraged Harry to tell Aria himself rather than telling it through her.

Hm... Again we see the stupidity of the Aliens in this part. I really like how you constantly manage to show us this throughout the story. The wiring seems to be quite interesting. Viewing from the POV of the characters, I do have the slightest hope that it can be a good thing. I don't know if I should hope but I am really not interested in hoping a lot and then total shattering of all hopes. And yes, I think you did a good job showing all those failures. It not only indicates the present but also the past how the humanity has faced uncountable discomfitures.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Mon Sep 20, 2021 1:40 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I agree with Aria. With how nervous Harry had been while proposing this conversation, I had honestly thought something major had happened. However, now knowing the full thing, it automatically made me smile and roll my eyes like Aria. It is extremely characteristic of Harry to get so nervous and make a big deal out of something as small as this. I really like the way you stay true to your characters and how your readers can guess the reactions of the characters like they were old friends. It makes it all the more realistic even though, technically this is sci-fi.

It was a good idea to take a look again. Harry was so upset over the new door the previous time that he could have easily missed something. And the smile at the end suggests that their decision has reaped its fruits. With the concentration with which he had been focusing on it, I am sure something has changed or was different. Harry's smile gives us hope and it seems like we are about to recieve good news after all.

I also liked the fact that we are now seeing these discoveries through the other character's eyes, instead of the main character involved with it. For some reason, this indirectness builds the anticipation more and makes us wait to unwrap the new plot twist in the story.

On the off changed they might've missed something.

I think the phrase is "on the off chance".

"Duh...how long is it going to take for you to realize that listening to my advice is always a good idea."

Since this is a question, you need to put a question mark at the end.

"Well...now that you've spilled that out can we avoid awkward dinners in the future,"

Same problem. Put a question mark at the end. Also, there should be a comma after 'out'.

Aria had no belief it was going to reveal anything, but if was going to make Harry feel better, she wasn't going to stand in the way.

I think 'idea' fits better here than 'belief'. Also, you are missing an 'it' here after the second 'if'.

That's all.

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!




#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah