Young Writers Society

Annnndrew here with a review!
For the last two sections
Once again, my favourite character might be aria, as an older sibling, I relate to her on that front, but she also feels the most real and naturally developed. Overall, my biggest complaint about these past two sections is that they feel written a little haphazardly... for lack of a better term, I feel like I'm reading a first draft. So, yeah, I'd just do some general expansions and editing here, making it flow together better and not feel rushed.
But into specifics!

The next day, Aria woke up, as she always did, at exactly Wake Up time.

Repetitions of wake up and woke up feel unnatural, also "Wake Up' Time feels somewhat childish as a title, maybe switch it to "Arise time" "First light" "Lights on." "Sunup" Idk, it feels a little to like it was nonchalantly slapped together as a sentence.
But that's all just my two cents!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew

Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review!

Phew, it's a bit weird now throwing yourself from one story to the next. I hope I'm not going to somehow make Terry notice he's missing here.

We've come back to Aria and you can already tell that it's kind of fitting for this set-up that we saw in the chapter. It seems more serious and she is also a bit more critical with the others. It's kind of floating in the air, I guess would be the best way to put it, and I think you can also show it clearly how Aria thinks, from her narration.

I don't think we've seen much of their morning routine so far, and I like how you start the new chapter like this to create a very calm and relaxed tone before it goes into a different mood.

I found it a bit so fast paced here in the chapter. You did a good job of alternating scenes with sections, but it also felt like you were drawing us in at one section and then creating some interest in it, but eventually moving on and leaving the reader there. The build-up to the work shift, for example, was too big for then the short piece about how it was there and then we're at another point. I think you can create that in a different, more fluid tone and even let the sections be like that.

Apart from that, I can only say what Aria also said at the end; Harry should not beat about the bush, but tell everything straight away.

Other points I noticed while reading:

at exactly Wake Up time.

I wish that was on my alarm clock.

She went through the motions, waking him up and then ordering him to get ready.

After all we saw of Aria in the last chapter, I would have assumed that we would read here in more detail how she wakes up her brother.

If the occasional stolen glances in the direction of the door by both Harry and Daisy were any indication, Aria wasn't the only one thinking about it.

I like this subliminal build-up here.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hey Harry!

RandomTalks back with another review!

So we are back to Aria again. We have come to that point in the story where we can tell the distinct differences between the different voices of the characters. While Harry and Daisy have a more gentle and hopeful narration, Aria's is a little more critical. She notes and observes and in her words, does not beat around the bush. I liked how you started the chapter with her typical morning routine. It had a really good pace and slowly eased us back to the new setting of this chapter. After the previous chapter, I was actually waiting for something to go very wrong, but it seems like we have to wait for it right now. I, personally do not mind waiting.

I really liked the part where they were simply eating their meal in silence waiting for the others to break the silence. It seemed like a battle of will to me and I am a little surprised that Aria was the one to break it. But then again, Harry and Daisy wear their emotions on their face, so I guess it was easy to read their nervousness and hesitation. The conversation that flowed between them was extremely natural and realistic and I liked how each character showed their various traits through it - Harry with his nerves, Daisy with her charm and Aria with her impatience.

I am honestly a little disappointed that they did not get to complete the conversation in this part. I really wanted to know the reason behind the duo's nervousness and it seemed a little rude to break it off in the middle of a conversation like that. Guess, we will have to wait now.

Depressing thought for the day achieved, she made her way to her brother's room.

This sentence felt like it was phrased a little awkwardly. Maybe rephrase it as : "Having achieved her depressing thought for the day, she made her way to her brother's room."

That's all for this one!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Heyy!! Forever here with a review!!

The next day, Aria woke up, as she always did, at exactly Wake Up time

You could italicize "Wake Up" to add emphasis.

Now to the part itself. So, they are still not telling the humans about the door. They are extending the hope and maybe opening the door to a huge accident. If that happens by any chance, first of all, they will be the first to be blamed and secondly, they will be a lot broken down. I assume none of them has the energy or maybe the desire to talk on the topic of the doors. At last Aria spoke up. A good move from her side. I am seriously not very encouraged by the fact that they have only managed to clear a quarter of that ship. However, on the bright side, they have longer time to inspect the door.

The pace has increased a lot from the last two parts. That's not bad though. I liked how we saw a first forward of all the events happening in the day until the lunch. I was just wondering how the breaks are actually given. Is there any sort of bell to indicate the breaks or are the breaks written on whatever they have to see on the morning or do the aliens come and inform them? I am just a bit curious about it.

And hm... It's actually true that it takes shorter time to eat when we talk. Ironically, it's the opposite of what people say. Anyway, I am confused about why Daisy gave such a wide smile. If it was to indicate that Daisy was gesturing Harry to tell, then you can just add a word like guilty or a better one because usually, we take a smile as a normal smile. I am quite eager to know what Harry will tell them. It seems to be a plan or something of that sort. Maybe he didn't sleep for that at night and that is the reason why he was sleeping for long. I don't really expect him to sleep when he has so many thoughts inside his brain. I can't wait to see what happend next. Cliffhangers are... They feel great when there is an uploaded part ahead and when there isn't, we are kept thinking.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever