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pantheon

by lukekazey


i have found my latest god

buried in the arms of an angel,

speckled in little white hairs

and smelling softly of spices.

~

dip my fingers into 

meadows of stars and

let galaxies trickle

in rivulets down the icy

expanse of my forearms,

as asteria's feathers flock

to embed themselves 

in my locks.

~

call to me,

you immortal engines,

and bound me in

hecate's fetters.

let the manacles 

bite my emaciated

wrists until they weep

echo's tears.

~

i find my gods

in familiar comforts-

coffee stains on

the sitting room table

and keychains in 

the fruit bowl.

~

i find my gods

in empty silence and

late-night staring contests

through thick-rimmed glasses.

~

i find my gods

on the concrete floor,

the rocky crevice 

and the mid-day sun.

~

my gods find me

in supine position,

naked and bare and

vulnerable.


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Tue Sep 21, 2021 2:55 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hi luke! I wanted to leave a review on your piece ^^

To start off, you have a lot of really beautiful imagery in this piece. Like Hikari, I think the stanza with the galaxies that trickle down the narrator's forearm is especially well written, and it's definitely my favorite. I also like the contrast between the big, beautiful, ethereal imagery, and the more mundane imagery at the end, where the narrator finds their gods. Also, each stanza flows very well, which makes it easy to read and digest.

Also, it's neat that you have some allusions to greek deities, which is tipped off to the reader through the title. Though, I will say that I wasn't especially familiar with asteria and what she is meant to symbolize, and it still wasn't very clear to me when I looked her up. Though this is another great example of your parallelism, comparing the feathers with fetters in the next paragraph.

Personally, I had a difficult time discerning the meaning of the middle two paragraphs that explicitly reference the gods. It seems like such a drastic shift in tone from the other stanzas of this poem that it wasn't clear to me if this was the same narrator or if some other shift had occurred. What is the meaning behind including them? I'm not suggesting you remove them, since they do evoke strong imagery, it just currently feels like the meaning is hidden behind a few layers or imagery and allusions that are difficult for me to understand.

Similarly, I'm not entirely sure what the first stanza is referencing either. I initially thought that the narrator was referring to a mortal lover or something that the narrator referenced as a god, but is this just another allusion to the greek pantheon? Maybe some kind of transition between the first and second half could clear up the meaning and ease the reader into the shift in tone?

Hopefully some of my thoughts were helpful. I'm not strong in writing poetry, so I don't have much to suggest technically. Let me know if you have any questions!

Happy writing ^^
~ Wolfe




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:12 pm
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HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello, Hikari here with a review!

Let's get right into it shall we?

First of all I love the title of your work 'pantheon' I did have to look up the work but it goes well with the theme of your poem!

{i have found my latest god

buried in the arms of an angel,

speckled in little white hairs

and smelling softly of spices.}

Oh and I'm drawn in right from the beginning, who is this god? Noow im invested, And I love the image you painted for them!

{dip my fingers into

meadows of stars and

let galaxies trickle

in rivulets down the icy

expanse of my forearms,

as asteria's feathers flock

to embed themselves

in my locks.}

I think this may be my favorite stanza solely for the dipping fingers in stars and galaxy bit! ❤ I love stars and galaxy stuff it always gives off such a majestic and magical feeling ya know?

Your entire poem is beautiful! I don't really have any criticism so kudos! ❤




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 4:47 pm
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waywardxwallflower wrote a review...



Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review (:

This poem is absolutely STUNNING. Every single word is so incredibly intentional, and through each allusion and scene you describe, you hide worlds between the letters of the poem. Your writing style is ethereal. The pacing, also, is splendid. This is not a poem you can bite off in one bite. Each line, each word, must be taken first on its own - each contains multitudes.

The way you alternate between and combine the otherworldly and mundane throughout this piece is fantastic, and creates a sort of half-world, romanticizing the one we live in and looking for more. The story told in this is of someone with a beautiful mind and sight quite unlike anyone else's.

Overall, this was an absolutely fantastic and beautiful poem; I have no critiques.

Keep writing!





Attention is the beginning of devotion.
— Mary Oliver, Upstream