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A Carolina Millennial in A Prehistoric Tribe: Chapter Seven, Part Two.

by MaybeAndrew


Part one linked right there!

========> 

https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=15...

Sunrise is a fitting word because, at first, all I experienced was the purest expression of blinding light.

Blinding may not be the best description for what happened since my eyes were not involved in the whole situation, but that's the best way I can describe it.

I have never been on LSD, but I can imagine it would be similar to what this felt like. The following sections are my best attempts to communicate to you what it felt like - not even that, my best attempt to communicate to you of what I remember it felt like. Enduring it was so much... more, my brain didn't have the capacity to keep most of it once I left it, only a slight longing and remembrance of the more.

To say it did not engage any of my senses would be misleading. True, I did not feel the light in my eyes or the warmth that came from it in my skin. But that's not because it was below the sense. It would be more accurate to say the experience was above them. I felt the light directly, not through silly medium-like eyes. But I also heard it, and felt it, and smelt it, and tasted it. But once again, not through my ears, skin, nose, or tongue, it was directly into feeling.

Like all other feelings were shadows, and this was reality.

It was like I had only ever listened to middle C, and now I heard a C chord played in harmony on every octave. The reality was translated directly into experience, no middle man of my body.

But back to the light, it was, for lack of a better word, blinding. It was just pure light. I forgot who I was or what I was as the light shone through my reality and became me.

But then the tiny core of my being remembered what I came in here for and sorted itself out.

Once I found myself distinct from the light, the light also focused more. Like white light through a prism, it almost split into beams. I had to choose which beam to follow. I tentatively reached out for one at random. As soon as I touched it, it was like falling into a quickly moving stream. I was swept up.

Images impressed themselves upon me like I was the ink and the page, not the one viewing the picture. The images engaged all of my reality, but once again, not through the messy medium of my body.

I saw a small boy, probably 5 shoving a larger girl, around 10, and yelling.

I felt his frustration at her, the burning mix of hate, love, and longing that spread out through his chest. He just wanted her to think he was cool and hang out with him. She wanted him to go away.

The images shifted, and now I was a larger tween reading a book while leaning against a tree. The book was on the Alexandrian conquest. I felt the interest that was...

Before I could focus too long on that, I had swept away. I now felt more solid and finished. I was a young adult. I was standing on a college campus. Feeling so alone and exposed, but with that sharp excitement of a potential.

He was me. They had all been me. This was my timeline.

It was beginning to move me again, and I realized if I continued down this path, I'd end up at the radiance. A well of infinite light and energy. It was the source of all the lights and also the sea to which they all flowed. It was drawing me like a thirsty man to a well.

But I couldn't, I had another job. I pulled myself out of the current beam of light. My consciousness was being flipped over and spun about.

Images flashed. Fire.

My leg is hurting.

A women's face.

My dad cursing in dutch

The smell of wet dog.

Then I was out.

Gunfire.

Well, that was an adventure

At least I don't have to vomit anymore.

In fact, I have no body. Nothing is calling to me. No hunger, no itch. But there were a million other things calling at me, realities pushing me this way and that, ideas piercing my mind, other buffeting me about.

I focused my mind on the question I had come in here with, letting my instinct for truth guide me, following paths of numbers and ideas. It reminded me of when I had gone canoeing in Tennessee with my church group as a kid. We had been practicing for weeks. At first, it was easy, rowing along and letting the river carry you, but soon we were in rapids. You had to quickly row to avoid rocks, dodge big rapids, speed up at some moments, slow down at others, make sure you didn't spin around and hit a rapid backward.

But these rapids were above and below me, to both sides, inside me, flowing all directions, and sometimes made me forget that I existed. So the metaphors are not perfect, but you get what I'm saying.

I can't define what time was doing with me while I was in Destinies Touch, but after slipping and sliding between rocks, pushing through realities I hadn't come here for, I found the correct stream of truth.

I followed it, passing through visons and paths of numbers. Through the things I can never describe no matter how hard I try, shapes with too many sides, pools with too many colors, I found it.

It was a pulsating mass of energy, so much knowledge, I tentatively touched it.

Knowledge flooded into me, I pulled out.

Oh my, that's a lot.

I have to go in, I realized

Please don't fry my brain.

And like jumping off my canoe into a churning point of water, I dove in.

I was marinated in math, knowledge, ideas, and reality.

It was too much to keep track of, I pushed it all away from me, but it crushed back, squeezing my consciousness.

I became a medium for the reality to flow, uncomfortably fast and powerful. I barely caught a glimpse of what was passing by. Like a drowning man, I caught onto a string that looked like what I had come for and pulled on it.

Yes

YES

I found it! I was flowing towards the point of light... Or it was coming towards me... Or through me.

Numbers flashed in my mind, reality. Then images. Almost like a blueprint.

I saw Athena in all her glory standing before me, and her radiance drowned me.

I needed breath, but I could not find it.

I was lost in her, and soon so much of that light would be within we'd be one.

It was not pain.

Nor was it a pleasure.

It was a great return.

It was entropy at its finest.

I was falling down into nothing and everything.

Then, as quickly as the dawn had come, the light rushed away. Pulling out, only leaving a slight imprint.

I landed in my chair, reality spreading out and feeling my body, into my lungs and heart and tips of my fingers.

I took a gasping breath.

"How do you feel-?" Charlie began

"Did it work?" Josh interrupted a high pitch note sounding as he took the mike from charlie.

"It did," I replied, "But I'm going to need a whiteboard," I said.


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Sat Sep 18, 2021 7:31 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!

First Impression: Well, this was a pretty nice ending to this chapter, you do a really good job of bringing across the experience that Matthew has here with this device, and its a pretty unique purpose here for this device, not the first time I've run into things like this in stories, but you've put a really interesting spin on things here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sunrise is a fitting word because, at first, all I experienced was the purest expression of blinding light.

Blinding may not be the best description for what happened since my eyes were not involved in the whole situation, but that's the best way I can describe it.

I have never been on LSD, but I can imagine it would be similar to what this felt like. The following sections are my best attempts to communicate to you what it felt like - not even that, my best attempt to communicate to you of what I remember it felt like. Enduring it was so much... more, my brain didn't have the capacity to keep most of it once I left it, only a slight longing and remembrance of the more.


Hmm, I think this is a pretty good description of how mind-blowing and crazy that experience must've felt there, the fact that he's simply kind of running out of words to capture how the experience really shows have completely out of the ordinary this new invention is.

To say it did not engage any of my senses would be misleading. True, I did not feel the light in my eyes or the warmth that came from it in my skin. But that's not because it was below the sense. It would be more accurate to say the experience was above them. I felt the light directly, not through silly medium-like eyes. But I also heard it, and felt it, and smelt it, and tasted it. But once again, not through my ears, skin, nose, or tongue, it was directly into feeling.

Like all other feelings were shadows, and this was reality.


Hmm...this is starting to sound a bit like a passage I read in an Arthur C. Clarke novel once about some very futuristic VR technology...and I love it...as potentially scary and death inducing as this sort of thing is...you will at least die with a nice big smile on your face.

It was like I had only ever listened to middle C, and now I heard a C chord played in harmony on every octave. The reality was translated directly into experience, no middle man of my body.

But back to the light, it was, for lack of a better word, blinding. It was just pure light. I forgot who I was or what I was as the light shone through my reality and became me.

But then the tiny core of my being remembered what I came in here for and sorted itself out.


Alright...well looks like he's finally stopped taking in the new invention and remembered that he's going through this because he's on a mission to find something. By this point I'm very interested to see how time is going to act here, is it going to be like he spends twenty minutes by his knowledge, which is also twenty minutes in reality or perhaps its going to feel like twenty minutes and actually be multiple hours.

Once I found myself distinct from the light, the light also focused more. Like white light through a prism, it almost split into beams. I had to choose which beam to follow. I tentatively reached out for one at random. As soon as I touched it, it was like falling into a quickly moving stream. I was swept up.

Images impressed themselves upon me like I was the ink and the page, not the one viewing the picture. The images engaged all of my reality, but once again, not through the messy medium of my body.

I saw a small boy, probably 5 shoving a larger girl, around 10, and yelling.


Ahh..time travel technology, making it convenient for authors to showcase a character's backstory since 3004.

I felt his frustration at her, the burning mix of hate, love, and longing that spread out through his chest. He just wanted her to think he was cool and hang out with him. She wanted him to go away.

The images shifted, and now I was a larger tween reading a book while leaning against a tree. The book was on the Alexandrian conquest. I felt the interest that was...


Ahhhh...I am really loving this sudden memory highlight reel flowing through here, it really gives you a sense of this person travelling around time and almost experiencing all of the time they've spent in this world all at once. At the moment it sounds like these are simple memories being brought into focus...but I get the feeling these are real moments in the past that we're seeing here and not necessarily only Mathew's memories.

Before I could focus too long on that, I had swept away. I now felt more solid and finished. I was a young adult. I was standing on a college campus. Feeling so alone and exposed, but with that sharp excitement of a potential.

He was me. They had all been me. This was my timeline.

It was beginning to move me again, and I realized if I continued down this path, I'd end up at the radiance. A well of infinite light and energy. It was the source of all the lights and also the sea to which they all flowed. It was drawing me like a thirsty man to a well.


Hmm, well, this is fun to see, it looks like we've got a bit of a pull going on here, that could potentially escort Mathew to Cuckoo town if he doesn't play carefully here...definitely a really fun little element of risk being introduced there.

But I couldn't, I had another job. I pulled myself out of the current beam of light. My consciousness was being flipped over and spun about.

Images flashed. Fire.

My leg is hurting.

A women's face.

My dad cursing in dutch

The smell of wet dog.

Then I was out.

Gunfire.

Well, that was an adventure

At least I don't have to vomit anymore.


That particular sequence of images escalated quite quickly and also quite mysteriously, I wonder what that's trying to tell us here...I feel like some of those lines were less random thoughts thrown in here and more meant to be some clues that are doing some foreshadowing.

II focused my mind on the question I had come in here with, letting my instinct for truth guide me, following paths of numbers and ideas. It reminded me of when I had gone canoeing in Tennessee with my church group as a kid. We had been practicing for weeks. At first, it was easy, rowing along and letting the river carry you, but soon we were in rapids. You had to quickly row to avoid rocks, dodge big rapids, speed up at some moments, slow down at others, make sure you didn't spin around and hit a rapid backward.

But these rapids were above and below me, to both sides, inside me, flowing all directions, and sometimes made me forget that I existed. So the metaphors are not perfect, but you get what I'm saying.


Hmm, I think I actually do get what you're saying Matthew, maybe you are actually good at this after all, it certainly sounds that way at the moment, although one cannot be too terribly certain just yet.

I can't define what time was doing with me while I was in Destinies Touch, but after slipping and sliding between rocks, pushing through realities I hadn't come here for, I found the correct stream of truth.

I followed it, passing through visons and paths of numbers. Through the things I can never describe no matter how hard I try, shapes with too many sides, pools with too many colors, I found it.

It was a pulsating mass of energy, so much knowledge, I tentatively touched it.


Ahh here we go, this is the moment where he's going to end up learning something here...and I'm certainly very interested to see exactly what that is going to end up being right here.

Knowledge flooded into me, I pulled out.

Oh my, that's a lot.

I have to go in, I realized

Please don't fry my brain.


Are those going to be his last mental words, it doesn't seem like it considering he was alive earlier, but phew....that sounds quite vicious right there...which I suppose is quite fair...sometimes knowledge really does come at quite the cost.

And like jumping off my canoe into a churning point of water, I dove in.

I was marinated in math, knowledge, ideas, and reality.

It was too much to keep track of, I pushed it all away from me, but it crushed back, squeezing my consciousness.

I became a medium for the reality to flow, uncomfortably fast and powerful. I barely caught a glimpse of what was passing by. Like a drowning man, I caught onto a string that looked like what I had come for and pulled on it.


Hmm, well this is kind of sounding a bit like every description before it so, the whole uniqueness of the experience is a tiny bit lost by this point...I feel like maybe you should tone down on some of the descriptions before cutting to the main event, cause after some point, it does get a touch boring to see the same sort of overwhelming knowledge feeling be repeated every time Matthew touches a new area of this device.

I saw Athena in all her glory standing before me, and her radiance drowned me.

I needed breath, but I could not find it.

I was lost in her, and soon so much of that light would be within we'd be one.

It was not pain.

Nor was it a pleasure.

It was a great return.

It was entropy at its finest.


Why is entropy being brought into this? Chemistry is the worst On a more serious note, this is much better, now thing are sort of going towards the one single answer that this guy was looking for..and I have a feeling this about to soon come to an end here.

"How do you feel-?" Charlie began

"Did it work?" Josh interrupted a high pitch note sounding as he took the mike from charlie.

"It did," I replied, "But I'm going to need a whiteboard," I said.


Oooh..well, well, it did end up working out after all...well I can't wait to see what this solution is going to be here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a solid chapter this one. For the first experience of this device being used, it did not disappoint at all, and it seems like this is something really quite powerful here. I'm not sure how all of this will eventually tie into time travel itself, but for now this is all very impressive.

And now for the overall, overall thing of what we've got so far. Soo...characterwise, we only really new Matthew, we've seen glimpses into the others, but we don't know enough to really judge them, Charlie and Josh have shown what their motivations are and how they think, but no too much beyond it yet, the Gabriello fellow showed his own plans, but again, he's still a bit of a mystery but my this point, we know a lot about Matthew, you can see what drives him to do what he does and the sort of opinion he has on himself. We also get a good sense of the kind of skills that he has.

Moving to the plot, this is a bit of a slow paced one, we've taken a long time to get here...since that first starting paragraph which had some interesting stuff going on that acted almost like a cold open in a tv show, this has slowed down a lot and showed Matthew gradually getting into things and that's fun. This quite a complex concept you're trying to show, so this gradual method works well and I think this went from relatively boring introductions and explanations to the actual thing in action at about the right time, chapter seven is just about in the sweet spot for not dragging things for too long or dumping things on us too fast. So....yeah, so far, this plot looks good. At the moment, the we've got a couple of motivations to read on and that's the cold open and also to Gabriello's little subplot there. I dunno how long this is going to take to get to said cold open, but I have a feeling this story isn't really going to kick into gear until then...cause I mean what else would explain the title of this book...so I'm guessing this an introductory phase still...and that's going along well. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




MaybeAndrew says...


Thanks so much for the review!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



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Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:04 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MaybeAndrew,
 
Mailice back with another review! :D
 
This was a very standout chapter 7. You manage to bring in a new wind after the theory-filled chapter 6, and as in the first part, the pace increases significantly here and leaves its mark. I was excited by the chapter and at the same time I felt I had skipped something.

What I enjoyed through this rapid pace was how the explanations flowed into the story and how you set the scene pictorially and wonderfully, as you aptly describe it, as surfing. It was very easy as a reader to imagine everything as you planned it. Definitely a little highlight for me when I see writers manage to incorporate something so clearly and figuratively into the story. I strongly assume that you weren't there and formulated a lot of things from your head. :D

Sometimes you have to be careful, here in this part you forgot full stops and didn't pay attention to upper and lower case. Again, I assume this has to do with the action and tension that has developed here.

In general, I'm very pleased to read all that Matt has been through and it boils down to the fact that I'm even more excited to see what Chapter 8 will be like. I just think that we now need to put the brakes on the pace again for a short while, otherwise it feels forced and too hectic.
 
Other points I noticed while reading:

Sunrise is a fitting word because, at first, all I experienced was the purest expression of blinding light.
Blinding may not be the best description for what happened since my eyes were not involved in the whole situation, but that's the best way I can describe it.

Apart from the great description you present here, your last sentence is a bit bumpy due to the repetition of "description - describe". For example, you could write: "that's the best way I can put the words together.

Once I found myself distinct from the light, the light also focused more. Like white light through a prism, it almost split into beams.

Here is a bit too many light in these two sentences. It´s to bright. :D


I saw a small boy, probably 5 shoving a larger girl, around 10, and yelling

I would write out the ages of the children.

My dad cursing in dutch

Dutch has to be written in capitalisation.

I was marinated in math, knowledge, ideas, and reality.

That is a beautiful philosophical expression you have used here. Somehow I get the impression that you are building on the idea that nature is based on mathematical rules that provide the knowledge to form ideas and understand what reality is.

Yes
YES

Full stops are missing here.

"How do you feel-?" Charlie began
"Did it work?" Josh interrupted a high pitch note sounding as he took the mike from charlie.

 Charlie has lost his capitalisation. :D
 
Have fun writing!
 
Mailice




MaybeAndrew says...


Thanks so much for the review I'll be sure to edit those things.
And hehe, yeah, I def need to slow down the pacing a bit... we'll see how that goes



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Thu Sep 16, 2021 6:37 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

I just had a question. What is this destiny's touch? I thought it was time-travel but now, I doubt it. First of all, Matthew was the first time traveler and this Charlie and Josh has already undergone destiny's touch before Matt. So, time travelling can't be this destiny's touch. However, this destiny's touch kind of sound like time travel. I mean when Matt underwent destiny's touch in this part, he travelled to the past. So, isn't this kind of a time travel? I don't know, I am not an expert at Physics.

Images flashed. Fire.

My leg is hurting.

A women's face.

My dad cursing in dutch

The smell of wet dog.

Then I was out.

Gunfire.

Though a bit confusing, the gunfire part and the cursing, it was interesting and it also helped in understanding the pace at which things were happening in the story. Very fast-forward things.

Now, I wonder what and how Matt found the truth and whatever he went for. Also, I am a bit confused about the numbers. What are the numbers doing exactly? Guiding him? Is he trying to establish a relation between all he read and that is why the numbers are flooding inside his brain... Like he is trying to form some sort of equations or relations of proportions.

His feelings made me think about his state when he underwent destiny's touch. He seems to be energy, complete energy. I don't know but why else couldn't he feel the things? Maybe his body went stiff. That too can be a reason but the first one sounds creative :P

Josh's nature is further confirmed in this part. He seems to be more concerned about the project and the least concerned about Matt. Charlie is better in this sense. I am quite excited to know what happens next and what he really managed to discover.

Tag me as always.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever





Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain