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LoaMR: Ch.X: Return 1

by MailicedeNamedy


What has happened so far: Claire and Emma have decided to travel to Berlyne to start an apprenticeship. In the process, they make a diversion to Emma's grandfather's house in Sehlingen.

In this chapter we follow them as they stay in Sehlingen for a few days before continuing their journey.

***

The good thing about Sehlingen was its permanence. One could leave the village for a long time and return without anything having changed. For a second meeting within their last summer holidays, Emma had discussed everything with her grandfather before they left Kapellengarten.

He had picked them up at the Lödingen main station.

The gathering was celebrated by succulent home cooking. There was too much to talk about, so the stew gradually grew colder. Emma initially found it hard not to talk about her adventure, which is why Claire already wanted to hear the promise on the train not to say a word about it. They agreed that they had come from Pfalzburg with a stopover in Kapellengarten.

Friedrich was calm but a strict guardian. Before forming an opinion, he listened. His granddaughter told him of her wish to start an apprenticeship with Claire in Berlyne. It was a shock to him at first. He had never thought she would go to such paths but he understood also that there was more for Emma than just the quiet idyll of a village.

He asked about Emma's mother and what she had said. She quickly made up the story that she was sad and proud. Letting her go was good. At some point she would have grown tired of Regenschloss, Emma enlightened him and tried to get off the subject as quickly as possible.

Grandfather agreed to her idea. Since her friend was with her, she was allowed to go. If he had not given in, he would have had no idea what to do with her. Claire spoke very casually and mentioned that they would initially live with her father until they had a job.

After dinner, they went to bed. Claire and Emma had separate rooms.

The guest was asleep in the closer room next door. Freed from the lies, Claire formed herself into a ball under the blanket. Protected by a blanket, no one could harm her anymore. Constantly thinking that Emma's grandfather could see through everything, she was reassured that he was so kind.

He can call Emma's mother and check everything out...

He won't do that.

***

Bizarre and incomplete, Claire could not remember in the morning how the dream had begun. She was in a clothes shop with plump, creamy white bubbly colours, afterwards, she stepped outside the door only to see that she was standing in a strange city, knee-high under the floodwaters. She had no clue what it could mean. She tried to think of other things.

Claire had already heard a lot about Sehlingen and was now allowed to see it for herself. She had been looking forward to this a bit when she arrived.

Yawning on the next morning, she stood in the room and was about to leave it when Emma rammed the door in her face.

"Ouch!"

"Excuse me. Are you all right?"

Worried, Emma pulled the injured Claire to the bed.

"Good morning," she murmured rubbing her nose.

"Do you need something? I didn't mean to interrupt, I just thought of something to tell you. You know, we can meet Martha!"

For Emma, the most unimaginable thing came true. Never in her life did she dream that these two people would be standing in the same place. Her suspicions that they were one person, but in disguise, were thus shattered.

"That's great. I'm happy to have a bath."

"I'll show you," Emma spoke sheepishly.

Claire understood her discomfort. Rather reluctantly, she showed her the room and was gone in an instant. There was a lack of order and sanitation. There was no tub or shower. A washbasin was enough to draw cold water, a steaming bowl stood ready next to it.

They dined in the kitchen.

Grandpa von Preuß kept silent. He ate his bread with sausage and examined the window. Embarrassed and buttoned-up, Claire dined little - as she had yesterday. With her food intake, she did not want to fall into unnecessary costs.

She had felt indisposed when Emma had casually mentioned to her grandfather to bring a friend, she was now no more than an appendage.

"Eat. We have enough."

He took a sausage with his knife and balanced it onto Claire´s bread. Somehow, he did not resemble his granddaughter at all. What they had in common were their eyes, but otherwise, he was a completely different person in terms of character. He could take care of himself and knew the harshness of life in all its facets.

Out of the fog of her thoughts, Claire bit her tongue before uttering thanks in an embarrassed whisper.

Emma was jittery during the meal.

The liveliness was not uncommon, but unmannerly, as her grandfather explained. Somewhat perplexed, he understood her fidgeting only during the washing up.

Much like Claire, who flapped her wings in a blaze of joy, Emma had to render her delight in a wild bounce. The more discreet wing flapping, where Claire fluttered her hands in rapid succession, she never showed in public. She disliked it when people could see her doing her swan dance with her arms outstretched.

Emma wasn´t the same. Everyone should get a taste of her happiness. She was excited before the visit that was soon to come. Martha was something of a queen or president. Almost envious of her anticipation, Claire actually wanted to be happy too. Yet she had not been asked to go.

***

Josef Faber's workshop smelled like closing time.

In fact, he had not been able to work since last week. An accident had injured his leg. He stewed in the living room, carving figurines to pass the waiting time.

When Emma knocked, his roar to call his niece could be heard throughout the alley.

Before Emma could smile bouncily at Martha and speak, she began to shine with happiness.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting," Emma exulted.

Emma unleashed herself from the embrace and stood next to the frozen luggage.

"That's Claire. I always talk about her."

Rejectingly, Martha held out her hand. Shrugging, the young Silberlilie pulled it away before Martha could shake it.

"Hello."

Stunned by the character Martha knew through stories, she no longer even thought about the cold rejection.

"Emma loves to babble, so I'm sure you've heard a lot about me."

"That's not true at all," it came out of Emma’s mouth loudly.

It was a reunion of two old friends.

Safe in a warmth of contemplation, just like in childhood, it seemed to Emma. Chirping colours that transformed the summer moon, moments without regard for others, it was like the old days.

She couldn't get the cheesy image out of her head. Emma was able to reveal all the events she and Claire had experienced within a few minutes. As Martha was curious about Léonard's progress (and had not known he was coming to Regenschloss), she was delighted the more he was mentioned.

When Kapellengarten came into being, Claire realised how it was going to end. Her friend was not allowed to talk so carelessly about the castle and the murder. It would eventually come up against more questions. Should anyone from Sehlingen learn where they were at the time, they and Léonard would instantly be hunted by the HePo.

"Shall we go outside? It's nice weather," Claire interrupted the story.

They agreed to this.

***

During the walk to the park, she made it clear to Emma several times that she should keep quiet about it. After all, she had promised.

She quickly understood. Instead, Martha now focused on Claire who was being quizzed. She was interested in the girl from Regenschloss.

Claire didn't like this game. Martha spoke of embarrassing moments with Emma instead in the meantime, Claire saw how little she did in her life. It was monotonous and boring.

In order not to cling too much to her only friend, she invented a pen pal relationship with her sister. At some point, Martha wanted to know what Claire knew about her.

Emma talked a lot. Listening to her was not Claire’s style, sometimes she would nod, but mentally she was on a higher level. The impossible had become reality. Claire admitted to herself that she hadn't always noticed everything. The few words she exchanged were things she had quickly put together.

In the dark green park - they had done a lap around the ponds - Martha now wanted to know how things were going with Léonard. Rhapsodising about his return, she remembered the arrest fondly.

Claire had become secondary. She didn't know if she could like Martha. She walked behind them, condemning the giggling. It awakened a bleary-eyed fight in her. She didn't know Emma as well as Martha did. She couldn't even remember how they had met.

During the night, Claire was awakened by her thoughts. Her ice-cold way of dealing with strangers, friendly with adults and submissive to their commands, was the same mask Léonard put on to fool her.

***

"People of Sagauvela!

I stand in your midst today to revive the memories of a glorious man whose movement was of great significance to the Sagauvelian people.

The decision to hold his deathwatch, as an honourable man, a former comrade, shall not be forgotten. With his skill - and the skill of many from our ranks, we have created the birth of a new freedom movement that will bring peace across the continent.

It has been a failure.

The death of our beloved and honoured Imperial Territory Leader will remain in our hearts forever. A proud heroic death, he fought his way through the ranks before being cowardly executed by an assassin. -“

Listening to the previous day's radio address was the only thing grandpa von Preuß found useful, as it was said that the Sagauvelian regime would now enforce harsher punishments for criminals.

A souvenir of the euphoria remained at the breakfast table. Emma wanted to see Martha again. When she woke up, Emma had confirmation that it was not a dream. Claire was sitting with her in Sehlingen.

Still, with half her head in her memoirs, it happened that Emma blabbed. Grandfather talked about the speech. Kapellengarten was only the beginning. He assumed that the murder had to be partisans from Flechburg.

"It was a woman from Mönchsberg Abbey! “

Claire gulped down her milk. Grandfather smiled at her with disbelieving eyes.

"Bad dream?"

Emma understood her stupidity. With a yes, she then said she could sleep a little longer.

"Have you ever been to Kapellengarten?" she asked him.

"No. With pleasure, I would go and visit the gardens of the castle."

"Go ahead and do it!"

"Naive child," he spoke fatherly, "Kapellengarten and the castle have been a closed city since yesterday."

"What is that?" Emma wanted to know.

"Places that may not be entered without permission. Residents there are not allowed to leave them easily either. It is a typical wartime measure. Malachthyst and Hirschenburg, for example, are such closed towns."

Emma looked at him as if he had just told how he climbed a ladder to the moon.

"There's such a thing," he murmured, "We're glad we live in Sehlingen, away from world events."

"Just think, Claire, we would have stayed there!" Emma said to her friend while she was washing up after breakfast.

***

Yesterday they had not dared to take the park entrance next to the school.

They deliberately avoided the market square with the villa de Waarfay. Today, on another beautiful day, they could admire it from the outside.

Emma didn't have to say anything, Claire already realised that this building had something to do with him. It was the only villa in the village. Most of the houses were farms, so a small mansion immediately stood out.

Claire was almost ready to go into the courtyard and take a closer look when her friend stopped her. There was something to discuss that she wanted to do now.

Life in the park seemed more real.

Birds flew around, little sparrows and blackbirds gathered in the large open meadows. A black squirrel was observed between the treetops, while the ducks swam around in the pond. A breeze released light. Some leaves flew about. Claire felt the shadow all over her skin.

What Emma wanted to talk about now was questionable to her. She had put on such a serious face after breakfast. She was rarely seen so concentrated and thoughtful. The question of what was in the bush would soon be answered.

Before she could say a word, she thought of Emma's grandfather. Was she trying to apologise about her slip-up? Or had she blurted out more than that? Possibly to Martha?

"I've been thinking."

Emma paused and sighed. It scared the young ducks away from them. The park bench did its job and gave the sitters a hard and stiff back. Claire didn't want to sit all day.

"Do you know what the Codex Mortuo is all about?"

"No more than Léonard told us," Claire said.

"I want to find out more about it. You know, I thought of Léonard as a friend, not as a thief or something like that. Now that he's gone, I realise there's a big gap missing. A gap that can only be answered with this book. What is it about? Does he need to protect it from this abbey? Will it get him anywhere?"

"I don't know. I didn't think about the book," Claire lied.

I still haven't told her that Léonard isn't even looking for it. Should I tell her?

"I even briefly suspected he was the bad guy, and the Abbey were the good guys," Emma said.

"You don't really believe that."

"It was for a short while in the head. He's not bad. He's nice," Emma explained, "Martha opened my eyes once more yesterday. We can't let him go. I want to see him one last time. At least hear his voice. I want to go to the villa. Maybe we'll find clues to his whereabouts there."

It didn't take long for her to change her mind. It's true. Life is boring without him. His mere presence promised adventure. I can't imagine life as it was before he arrived. Right now, we're back to upheaval.

Claire nodded sheepishly.

"Let's explore the villa."

To X.2.


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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay, after so many parts I enjoyed, and even the first bits of this really, it ends on a note I genuinely don't like at all and that puts a damper on this whole chapter for me. Now I'm wary about where this might go.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The good thing about Sehlingen was its permanence. One could leave the village for a long time and return without anything having changed. For a second meeting within their last summer holidays, Emma had discussed everything with her grandfather before they left Kapellengarten.

He had picked them up at the Lödingen main station.

The gathering was celebrated by succulent home cooking. There was too much to talk about, so the stew gradually grew colder. Emma initially found it hard not to talk about her adventure, which is why Claire already wanted to hear the promise on the train not to say a word about it. They agreed that they had come from Pfalzburg with a stopover in Kapellengarten.


Okay...so it looks like we're talking a visit back to where this all began. Its an interesting point to stop things at, because perhaps now we can get a look at the initial murders that I assumed the story was originally going to be about but what became just one among many. It also seems like most of the people in this village were at least partially right after all about Léonard, so I should probably apologize to some of them for the opinions they had...well, let's see where this ges anyway.

Friedrich was calm but a strict guardian. Before forming an opinion, he listened. His granddaughter told him of her wish to start an apprenticeship with Claire in Berlyne. It was a shock to him at first. He had never thought she would go to such paths but he understood also that there was more for Emma than just the quiet idyll of a village.

He asked about Emma's mother and what she had said. She quickly made up the story that she was sad and proud. Letting her go was good. At some point she would have grown tired of Regenschloss, Emma enlightened him and tried to get off the subject as quickly as possible.

Grandfather agreed to her idea. Since her friend was with her, she was allowed to go. If he had not given in, he would have had no idea what to do with her. Claire spoke very casually and mentioned that they would initially live with her father until they had a job.

After dinner, they went to bed. Claire and Emma had separate rooms.


Okayy..that's a little more rushed than I would like. Once again I feel like some important scenes in these characters lives end up getting summarized like this without us actually seeing things develop. That's something to look into later. Anyway...so it looks like after all, going to visit the grandfather paid off well for Emma with him agreeing to let her go because she was with Claire. Its not something I was expecting but it is a pleasant surprise to see this happen.

Bizarre and incomplete, Claire could not remember in the morning how the dream had begun. She was in a clothes shop with plump, creamy white bubbly colours, afterwards, she stepped outside the door only to see that she was standing in a strange city, knee-high under the floodwaters. She had no clue what it could mean. She tried to think of other things.

Claire had already heard a lot about Sehlingen and was now allowed to see it for herself. She had been looking forward to this a bit when she arrived.

Yawning on the next morning, she stood in the room and was about to leave it when Emma rammed the door in her face.

"Ouch!"

"Excuse me. Are you all right?"

Worried, Emma pulled the injured Claire to the bed.

"Good morning," she murmured rubbing her nose.


Okayy... a little odd to start this with the mention of a very random sounding dream, but then we cut to a fun little moment between the friends..and well, it works out okay, but I'm still a little confused why thaat random mention of the dream was required.

"Do you need something? I didn't mean to interrupt, I just thought of something to tell you. You know, we can meet Martha!"

For Emma, the most unimaginable thing came true. Never in her life did she dream that these two people would be standing in the same place. Her suspicions that they were one person, but in disguise, were thus shattered.

"That's great. I'm happy to have a bath."

"I'll show you," Emma spoke sheepishly.


That sounds a bit odd there. Emma tells her they can meet Martha and Claire says she's happy to have a bath. It sounds like one of those google translate things gone wrong. I get what you want Claire to say there and what she means, but maybe rephrase that a little.

He took a sausage with his knife and balanced it onto Claire´s bread. Somehow, he did not resemble his granddaughter at all. What they had in common were their eyes, but otherwise, he was a completely different person in terms of character. He could take care of himself and knew the harshness of life in all its facets.

Out of the fog of her thoughts, Claire bit her tongue before uttering thanks in an embarrassed whisper.

Emma was jittery during the meal.

The liveliness was not uncommon, but unmannerly, as her grandfather explained. Somewhat perplexed, he understood her fidgeting only during the washing up.


Okayy...this part doesn't feel too important here. Its all kind of flying by with this meal, a few references to things that came before and bit about what Claire thinks of Friedrich. Its a bit of a slow scene, and since we've had a few of those for a while now, I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop and for things to get more intense again.

Josef Faber's workshop smelled like closing time.

In fact, he had not been able to work since last week. An accident had injured his leg. He stewed in the living room, carving figurines to pass the waiting time.

When Emma knocked, his roar to call his niece could be heard throughout the alley.

Before Emma could smile bouncily at Martha and speak, she began to shine with happiness.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting," Emma exulted.

Emma unleashed herself from the embrace and stood next to the frozen luggage.

"That's Claire. I always talk about her."

Rejectingly, Martha held out her hand. Shrugging, the young Silberlilie pulled it away before Martha could shake it.

"Hello."


OKayyy...interesting meet up. I'm already a bit shocked that Claire and Martha don't know each other at all. I assumed that they'd met at least a few times before... but now this greeting is in fact a rather strange one. I did not expect it to be so cold. There's a difference between a slightly awkward and this rather cold one here.

Safe in a warmth of contemplation, just like in childhood, it seemed to Emma. Chirping colours that transformed the summer moon, moments without regard for others, it was like the old days.

She couldn't get the cheesy image out of her head. Emma was able to reveal all the events she and Claire had experienced within a few minutes. As Martha was curious about Léonard's progress (and had not known he was coming to Regenschloss), she was delighted the more he was mentioned.

When Kapellengarten came into being, Claire realised how it was going to end. Her friend was not allowed to talk so carelessly about the castle and the murder. It would eventually come up against more questions. Should anyone from Sehlingen learn where they were at the time, they and Léonard would instantly be hunted by the HePo.

"Shall we go outside? It's nice weather," Claire interrupted the story.

They agreed to this.


OKayy...well for one, why does Claire give two cents about Léonard at this point with regard to the HePo? Didn't she say that she hated him? Its a bit odd to see that despite whatever we read in that aftermath chapter to the whole fiasco at the castle, we have Claire and Emma mostly acting exactly like they did earlier here. It seems like all of that has just been forgotten here. I do hope eventually we see some more consequences from that little falling out of sorts they had in the aftermath of the murder at the castle.

In order not to cling too much to her only friend, she invented a pen pal relationship with her sister. At some point, Martha wanted to know what Claire knew about her.

Emma talked a lot. Listening to her was not Claire’s style, sometimes she would nod, but mentally she was on a higher level. The impossible had become reality. Claire admitted to herself that she hadn't always noticed everything. The few words she exchanged were things she had quickly put together.

In the dark green park - they had done a lap around the ponds - Martha now wanted to know how things were going with Léonard. Rhapsodising about his return, she remembered the arrest fondly.


Okayy....that's a bit odd I will say. This whole Emma, Martha, Claire thing gives off some strange vibes at the moment, and I genuinely can't tell where the story is trying to lead me in terms of their friendship. I hope nothing bad happens here because of all of this.

Listening to the previous day's radio address was the only thing grandpa von Preuß found useful, as it was said that the Sagauvelian regime would now enforce harsher punishments for criminals.

A souvenir of the euphoria remained at the breakfast table. Emma wanted to see Martha again. When she woke up, Emma had confirmation that it was not a dream. Claire was sitting with her in Sehlingen.

Still, with half her head in her memoirs, it happened that Emma blabbed. Grandfather talked about the speech. Kapellengarten was only the beginning. He assumed that the murder had to be partisans from Flechburg.


OKayy...so it looks like the death is being taken in about the kind of stead that you would expect. No surprises there. The grandfather listening in all the news and starting a little bit of a discussion on that whole thing seems to be pretty typical there. We're back to a bit more of a normal setting.

"It was a woman from Mönchsberg Abbey! “

Claire gulped down her milk. Grandfather smiled at her with disbelieving eyes.

"Bad dream?"

Emma understood her stupidity. With a yes, she then said she could sleep a little longer.

"Have you ever been to Kapellengarten?" she asked him.

"No. With pleasure, I would go and visit the gardens of the castle."

"Go ahead and do it!"

"Naive child," he spoke fatherly, "Kapellengarten and the castle have been a closed city since yesterday."

"What is that?" Emma wanted to know.

"Places that may not be entered without permission. Residents there are not allowed to leave them easily either. It is a typical wartime measure. Malachthyst and Hirschenburg, for example, are such closed towns."


Okayy...well this was certainly a fun little conversation. Emma almost letting everything slip is very in character for her and then that scramble to save the situation followed by the grandfather giving out advice make for fun little family scene there.

Yesterday they had not dared to take the park entrance next to the school.

They deliberately avoided the market square with the villa de Waarfay. Today, on another beautiful day, they could admire it from the outside.

Emma didn't have to say anything, Claire already realised that this building had something to do with him. It was the only villa in the village. Most of the houses were farms, so a small mansion immediately stood out.

Claire was almost ready to go into the courtyard and take a closer look when her friend stopped her. There was something to discuss that she wanted to do now.


OOoh, so we do in fact come up next to the villa to take a peek at things. Well, I have a feeling that maybe there is an interesting scene that's going to be coming up soon...and I'm getting a bit excited now.

"Do you know what the Codex Mortuo is all about?"

"No more than Léonard told us," Claire said.

"I want to find out more about it. You know, I thought of Léonard as a friend, not as a thief or something like that. Now that he's gone, I realise there's a big gap missing. A gap that can only be answered with this book. What is it about? Does he need to protect it from this abbey? Will it get him anywhere?"

"I don't know. I didn't think about the book," Claire lied.

I still haven't told her that Léonard isn't even looking for it. Should I tell her?

"I even briefly suspected he was the bad guy, and the Abbey were the good guys," Emma said.

"You don't really believe that."

"It was for a short while in the head. He's not bad. He's nice," Emma explained, "Martha opened my eyes once more yesterday. We can't let him go. I want to see him one last time. At least hear his voice. I want to go to the villa. Maybe we'll find clues to his whereabouts there."

It didn't take long for her to change her mind. It's true. Life is boring without him. His mere presence promised adventure. I can't imagine life as it was before he arrived. Right now, we're back to upheaval.

Claire nodded sheepishly.

"Let's explore the villa."


Oh dear....that 180 was so fast, the car would've flipped over. I really don't like that direction where these two after being in such a terrible situation and coming to so many conclusions earlier just completely switch sides. Maybe if they became neutral or something that'd be believable, but I just don't like this switch. It's just very odd and just so sudden and so different to the direction this story looked like it was headed in. It just, it looks like its all just repeating history at this point. Léonard does something horrible, runs away, they now want to chase after him, and it will probably happen exactly the same way again. In this fashion the plot like took a few steps forward with the character development, then decided it didn't like that and ran right back to where it was. Only Léonard and his mission continues to develop and I'm worried about where this could go now.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is maybe not my favorite part here. I don't think I liked this one, and I really hope things get better in the two parts to come and we see a little more development happening. These girls have stayed stuck with the same sense of character for a little too long. Anyway that's it for now. Until next time :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Now we have Sehlingen, the very first place in which the story had started. It reminds us of how they thought of Leonard in the very beginning. The conversations between them were quite interesting. Claire and Friedrich seemed to know each other quite well though in reality, they met for the first time, I assume. Maybe they knew each other a bit too well through Emma that they quite had an imagination of each other.

Friedrich seems to be confined to the village, especially his imaginations and the only means of communication with the outer world are the radio and newspapers. He is quite practical about life and is kind of aware of the ups and downs of life. If I am not wrong, it can be a result of age too that contributed to it. Unlike the other two, he doesn't seems to be very imaginative. Again, it can be a result of age. Talking about Emma, she too is kind of like her grandfather about the outer world except that she mixes with Claire and Claire makes her know a lot about the world. In the recent days, however she quite had an adventure with Leonard which helped her to connect with the outer world a bit more independently.

The guest was asleep in the closer room next door.

If I am not wrong, the guest here is Claire. However, the line that follows this one, made me think that it referred to someone else and not her. Maybe change it to something else than the guest.

I wonder what the strange city actually is and if it even exists in reality. Maybe her subconscious mind thought about Berlyne and for some reason, she imagined it be like that which made her dream about tge 'strange city'. Okay so if we go with this, she is a bit afraid of going to Berlyne, most probably because of her father. She, after all has never seen him since so many days.

Emma is still not fully out of her imaginary world in the second part. Like she still thought of thinking of them as the samw person. She is still not very grown up in that part. She was back to the past Emma. I liked how you managed to show the financial condition of Emma's grandfather through all tge things. Emma doesn't seem to be very thoughtful about this and is rather oblivious when it came to the food. However, the case can simply be tge fact that she is hiding it in order tk provide a bit of comfort to Claire. We don't really know what she was thinking while eating. Claire was very practical and understood the situation she was in. I liked how she acted according to the situation. Claire's swan dance was awesome. I do sometimes wonder if the plot has something to do with swans and ducks. Your descriptions often contain the descriptions of swans and ducks. It can be a coincidence though or maybe you just like swans.

"What are you doing here?"

It might just be me but I think here it's better to add a dialogue tag.
In the third part, you can add some more dialogue tags to clarify who is speaking. I was confused about who was speaking at places, specially in the first section of the part.

Now the relation between Martha and Claire. Claire doesn't seem to take Martha in a very good manner. We don't know how Martha really took Claire but well, not in the best manner. Maybe she didn't take Claire in a very bad way and it's just that she is ecstatic to see Emma back after so many days and also very interested to heart about Leonard that she forgot the new person in between them. That can always be a thing if we see from Claire's perspective. We have seen her introversion and how she makes her own opinions on people's behaviour, often without knowing the truth. It's quite interesting but I don't think it will matter much bevaude they are not going to stay there unless and until the plan goes haywire.

It's not a good thing that Emma is not keeping her promise. I don't think telling everyone around them about Leonard and their connection with him is a very safe thing. It can lead them getting into dangers. Talking about the Codex Mortuo, if I am not wrong, Leonard does want that. I don't remember quite well but is this the book of the deads? Or the other book? The book of the deads is with the abbey, I guess. I am forgetting things a lot but he got a casket in return of the book or something like that mudt have happened. Now, I am afraid that Martha knows a bit too much aboyt Leonard and their adventure than she should know. Claire didn't attentively listen to their conversation so it can be the case that Emma told the whole thing to Martha and she knows everything. Now, they will go back to the villa. Let's see what happens.

Sometimes, there were very frequent changes in the time period which obstructed the flow a bit and some dialogue tags and who is thinking are required as I already mentioned. Overall, this was going back to the past and to Claire, it was exploring Sehlingen. I will get to the next part soon.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






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Sat Oct 16, 2021 6:12 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Somehow, he did not resemble his granddaughter at all.

I really like the way you describe your characters. Emma's grandfather seems to be the complete opposite of her. I cannot remember if we have met any other family member of hers, so it makes me wonder where she got her chirpiness and constant energy from. Her grandfather certainly is an interesting character. He has this somber air about him, and I can tell that he is quite thoughtful and reflective in nature. As you have mentioned, he listens and takes time in forming his opinions. He seems quite intelligent as well, and I liked the fact that he did not object to Emma's plans for her future and instead kept his opinions to himself. Strangely enough, I can see him in Claire's family, but certainly not in Emma's. I even enjoyed their short and clipped conversation on the breakfast table as it was very characteristic of both the characters. It would be interesting to read more of their interactions, if there are any in the future.

The more discreet wing flapping, where Claire fluttered her hands in rapid succession, she never showed in public.

While I enjoyed this comparison of their expression of excitement, I don't think the meaning was very clear in this sentence. Still, I had a fun time imagining Claire doing her little swan dance. I tried to remember the last time we saw her really excited, but all the times I could think of are probably related to Leonard. Sometimes, I think that Leonard is the sole source of excitement in the girls' lives. I don't know what to think about that, except that it is not very surprising.

She didn't know if she could like Martha.

To be honest, I had completely forgotten about Martha, among everything that has happened. In the beginning of the story we followed her narrative for quite some time, so I as wondering what her role is in the story or what you have planned for her. Is she going to become involved again. Frankly, I do not see anyone else fitting in between Claire and Emma's strangely paired duo, and I am also absolutely sure that it will take at least ten more years for Claire before she can hold one proper conversation with Martha without feeling uncomfortable. Honestly, I do not remember much about Martha. I remember that she gave me a little 'teacher kind of vibes', and I know that Emma has compared her with Claire several times in her mind. I guess I understand why she would draw that conclusion, considering that they are both quiet souls and prefer to remain secluded. But I don't think they are all same. Claire lives too much in her head. She can fall back into her imagination at random moments and I don't see Martha doing that. Also, Claire is more guarded and cold in her conversations with other people. And considering the way that Martha was quizzing them on Leonard, I don't think they will become good friends anytime soon.

Her ice-cold way of dealing with strangers, friendly with adults and submissive to their commands, was the same mask Léonard put on to fool her.

I really liked this conclusion of Claire. It is true that they are somewhat similar in their ways, and that is why I had initially been so excited for them to meet. But then Claire is quite simple in the way her mind works; whereas Leonard will go on spinning plans and generally stop at nothing to get what he wants. I think their main point of similarity is the mask they both wear for protection. They refuse to be vulnerable in front of people.

Life is boring without him. His mere presence promised adventure.

Now we get back into that same conclusion as before. I thought it would be different for Claire. That because she is more logical, she would be wary of Leonard. But Leonard has this atmosphere of mystery and spontaneity about him, that people can't help but be pulled towards him. It is almost ironic that almost everyone wants to go along with him, but no one really knows him. At least not the real him. And it seems to me that Claire is aware of that, but still she is drawn towards his mystery like everyone else. I did not actually expect Emma to stay away for long. Sooner or later, she was going to turn it around in her head, add reason and justification to Leonard's wrongdoings and go looking for him. And because she is Emma, no one could have changed her mind. I think Claire was aware of that too. Maybe that is why she submitted so easily to Emma's desire; because she couldn't stay away either.

Now, this part had many points of narration and they changed very frequently. So it was a little difficult to understand who was thinking what. I think you should take a look at that, because I was a little confused a few times.

A few nipicks:

"That's great. I'm happy to have a bath."

I think 'I'd be happy to have a bath' would be better.

That's Claire. I always talk about her."

The 'I always talk about her' is a bit random and strange here. Maybe change it to, 'I always used to talk about her'?

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!






Thank you very much for your review! :D




Love is not an emotion. Love is a promise.
— 12th Doctor