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liminal space

by Plume


because it's almost like i've forgotten how to die a thousand deaths every day like i used to. it's almost like i can't keep living in fear. it's almost like i don't want to leave and i don't want to stay and the foyer would be nice enough except for the fact that it's disappeared. the only mediums that exist are sad and angry and bitter, and all of that is directed at me.

the cards are stacked upside down and inside one of them is my heart. gunshots are fired through each of them, and i can't spin red, i can't, because then i'm done for. the only true decisions are made by the rules and fate. it's flipping a coin to gamble; flipping a coin to decide whether the foyer is the true place for me. because now there is a foyer, but it's bare, and it's empty. i'm not even sure i'll fit.

slap me because it's almost like i can't remember where the foyer is. and everyone says they're going there— i can hear them, even if i can't follow them. i'm done tapping on walls covered in cards with my everything inside to find a place where i might not even belong, where i might not even fit. because now i know the foyer is there. i know that it is no longer empty and it is no longer bare. it is brimming, teeming over.

almost is too close to call. i live in that almost, in that endless transition between transitions. call it the foyer, call it the near-exit-entrance. call it leaving and staying at the same time, lingering and loitering in places that hardly exist. i'm waiting for someone to come and call me home and then maybe i'll get out of the almost.

maybe it'll finally be final. 


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Points: 38
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Wed Sep 15, 2021 5:45 am
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Nightk wrote a review...



i had a friend who was once diagnosed with depression and it is quite a hard thing to deal with, and i really love how this can talk on its own. never the less here is my review according to my few experiences.

because it's almost like I've forgotten how to die a thousand deaths every day like i used to. it's almost like i can't keep living in fear. it's almost like i don't want to leave and i don't want to stay and the foyer would be nice enough except for the fact that it's disappeared. the only mediums that exist are sad and angry and bitter, and all that is directed at me.

the cards are stacked upside down and inside one of them is my heart. gunshots are fired through each of them, and i can't spin red, i can't, because then I'm done for. the only true decisions are made by the rules and fate. it's flipping a coin to gamble; flipping a coin to decide whether the foyer is the true place for me. because now there is a foyer, but it's bare, and it's empty. I'm not even sure I'll fit.

slap me because it's almost like i can't remember where the foyer is. and everyone says they're going there— i can hear them, even if i can't follow them. I'm done tapping on walls covered in cards with my everything inside to find a place where i might not even belong, where i might not even fit. because now i know the foyer is there. i know that it is no longer empty and it is no longer bare. it is brimming, teeming over.

almost is too close to call. i live in that almost, in that endless transition between transitions. call it the foyer, call it the near-exit-entrance. call it leaving and staying at the same time, lingering and loitering in places that hardly exist. I'm waiting for someone to come and call me home and then I'll get out of the almost.
it'll finally be final.

i did not do a heavy edit or anything like that i just removed some words that where not supposed to be there or either they just give out too much information. anyways i tried what i thought was the best i really dig this and i keep on writing. ;)




Plume says...


Thank you for your review!!



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Sat Sep 04, 2021 3:43 am
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Hey Plume! Incoming review!

I like this piece of yours, and the title is really integral to how I felt the words! Now let me review the piece.

I guess I'll start out with critiques. I could only find one thing to properly critique and that would be the length of certain lines such as

i'm not even sure i'll fit.
or
almost is too close to call.
I just think they're too short in conjunction with the much longer lines all around them. I think with the title such as "liminal space" would suggest something longer. Like a hallway. It's some of the most recognizable examples of liminal space and we characterize hallways as longer. So I feel the shorter lines are uncalled for.

But that was all I could find to critique, now let me compliment your work!

because it's almost like i've forgotten how to die a thousand deaths every day like i used to.
This is a beautiful start to your prose (it is prose poetry right?) It's so beautiful. It's like you've just run out of the energy to feel this despair. And the "thousand deaths" can be like moving from one place to another with, say it with me, liminal space. And you don't remember how to do it anymore.

I also like to feel of this work. It's cold. It feels like a periwinkle colour. And liminal space isn't designed to be warm and inviting because no one is expected to stay in that space for long periods of time. And I think that reflects in the mood of your work. And you can't find the foyer, so you're presumably stuck in the liminal space.

But that's all I have for today! I hope you found some of this useful!! I'm not too comfortable reviewing prose poetry, so I hope it was useful! Anyway byeeeeee<333

Image




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review!! It was very helpful :D



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Sat Sep 04, 2021 3:12 am
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FruityBickel wrote a review...



okay, so, prose poetry is my frickfrack jam and i really, really dig this. review time!

As much as this personifies the spirit of prose poetry, a good flow, a sort of stream-of-consciousness feel, my biggest nitpick here is that I feel it would have a more poetry feel if it were to have a bit more structure. As it reads now, it seems a bit run-on; the pace is a bit too fast for itself, I feel, and I reach the end of the poem before I can even process what I've read fully.

I really like the imagery with the cards and the insides of yourself being in them. I like the metaphor of the foyer, and its limbo of existence, and the intangible idea it represents. I feel like it allows you to strike the right tone and feel without being too direct and to the point - it lets the reader get there on their own.

So, yeah. Again I think my only nitpick is that I wish it had more of a poem like structure to it, something to reign it in and give it more of a shape. Otherwise, I think this poem stands fine and well, outside of a few fine tune ups like diction and whatnot.

I also really like the progression of the foyer and its existence - from questionable, to definitely there but empty, to there and overfull, teeming with activity. This gives me vibes of a possible hostile household, and as someone who grew up in one, it strikes a feeling I've always had a hard time trying to capture myself, and still do to this day when I try to write poetry.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece, and I think it's solid and wonderful.

Keep writing,

- F.B




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review!!



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Sat Sep 04, 2021 12:52 am
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Baranczak wrote a review...



I really like this poem. First of all, the form is perfect for the content. I love the way you really highlighted this person’s feelings of being trapped, suffocated by their anxiety, by the crammed formatting. You can really feel the person’s anxiety tumbling out at the edges with all its energy that can barely be be restrained. There is such a sense of desperation. As someone who is best friends with a person who has OCD, I think you beautifully express the in betweenness that people who work with anxiety disorders experience, especially just before a panic attack. The final punch line is amazing. After the anxiety and fear and resigned tone of the rest of the poem, these two lines are the thin line that the narrator is holding on to in an effort not to fall into the abyss of their emotional overdrive. I’m happy that you’ve experimented with prose poetry - it is not very common in English poetry, but it is sometimes so useful - and it is just right in this case.




Plume says...


Thank you so much for your review!! I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!




Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin