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E - Everyone

Identity

by waywardxwallflower


I am but a collection of each little thing I’ve experienced.

Each breath, each smile, each sigh and choking sob.

Each and every star I’ve gazed at is chiseled in my skull,

and the rain I’ve danced in is evident in every tear I shed.

He hugged me, and my arms still feel the ghost of his presence.

She laughed with me, and my cheeks still ache from grinning too much.

They told me it would be okay,

and their phantom voice still echoes in my ears. 


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10 Reviews


Points: 83
Reviews: 10

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Tue Oct 19, 2021 2:38 pm
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Caiteb wrote a review...



Hey its Caite swinging in with a review. This is amazing even though it is very short. I love the images i saw in my head as i read this. The word choice is amazing. the only thing that I would change in this is my personal opinion is the flow I feel like you jump from subject to subject. Great job and i hope you have a very great day or night.






Ah alright!! Thanks so much for the review, mate!



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Points: 440
Reviews: 13

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Wed Sep 01, 2021 11:59 am
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Baranczak wrote a review...



I love this poem. I really like the understatement of the first line: “I am but a collection of each little thing I’ve experienced”. The contrast is really interesting then in the next line,which goes from the most neutral expression “a breath” to the most extreme expression of emotion “chocking sob”. I like the rhetorical build up to that. In the third line it becomes even more physical. “Chiseled in my skull” makes one think of something irreversible and complete. In the fourth line I liked the way rain and tear became a sort of echo of each other. The next two lines bring in relationships also and I loved the way you again made the reader really feel the physical memory of the speaker. But the last line is my favorite, the one that brings all these random memories together, because in this last line the speaker connects what their outside environment tells them to what they themselves have internalized. It’s not just that they still feel the arms of someone they love, they are in some ways a little bit of that person now. They have been mirrored in a positive way, which means that they can now self soothe, remembering those encouraging words, something that psychologically, is extremely important for a healthy life.






Thanks so much for this review!! I love when people try to analyze my works; it makes me feel appreciated (:



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30 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 30

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Mon Aug 30, 2021 9:36 pm
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Avis wrote a review...



Hi, I really enjoyed this! The topic of the poem is really fascinating and really delves into the idea that we are formed by our experiences, and I love the idea that everything we've experienced stays with us, even after the experience is over.

Your word choice throughout the poem was incredible, and you did a great job of expressing subtle emotions in each like. My favorite line was probably "and the rain I’ve danced in is evident in every tear I shed." I love the imagery and especially the contrast between the emotions of the two experiences. The idea of dancing in rain is light, carefree, and joyful, while tears are usually because of great sadness.

One thing I would suggest is work on the rhythm throughout the poem and try to make the syllable count a little more regular. The main line that is unusual is "They told me it would be okay," because it's a lot shorter than the others. Having a more uniform syllable count can often help a poem flow a little bit smoother.

Otherwise, I thought you did a great job, and I really liked it! Have a great day/night/idk-what-time-zone-you-live-in! ^-^






Thank you so much for the review and your kind words (:



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46 Reviews


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Reviews: 46

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Mon Aug 30, 2021 6:18 pm
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TheWordsOfWolf wrote a review...



Hello, good morning, good evening, good afternoon and goodnight or whatever time it is in the universe you've taken to existing in on this day. Anyway, wolf here to review you poem!
I quite like the topic of this poem its something many people experience but don't really talk about.
Your wording is very well chosen it brings the weight of what you're trying to convey very well.
I do have suggestion, and that would be to watch the rythme in the first half of your poem it is distinguishable and not forced but in the second half it almost seems to get lost. Of course this could be a problem on my end as the reader. Just something to keep in mind though.
Overall good work, keep up can't wait to read more!

as always,
Wolf






Thanks so much for the review! And I didn't really write this with rhythm in mind, so that makes sense lmao.




I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom