Why am I just now finding out about this poem omg.
tw: very abstract and brief reference to strangling
a. Tell me something about you.
you is the fleeting state of the person I'm talking to. you wear it like a stethoscope around your neck, a wordless acknowledgement that we both have heartbeats. and for a moment you listen to mine, even though we try to obscure this transaction by a blood-rush of meaningless chatter. Please elaborate on your answer.
you is the make-pretend game of we're gossiping about them now, but I'd never gossip about you. you is the temporary, unreliable half of we. we exchange words and pulses the way children slip beads onto a necklace, loosely and disorganized and distracted by the way scissor blades whoosh against each other. then we run out of time, I cut the string, beads bleed onto the floor, and you leave to join a different we. and suddenly you're them and I'm back to singular me: and somehow this isn't betrayal, somehow every interaction that feels a bit like a promise is understood to be just a knotted length of necklace that is soon frayed and forgotten and thrown into the scraps bin.
and now you are gone. and now you is the voice in my head, the whisper that wraps itself around my throat so that I can feel my veins throb against a tight murmur. you tell me my pulse was too messy, too rushed, say my beads were too rough to hold. you say they will empty their pockets of all my beads, my pieces, my bits of thread, the moment they're out of eyeshot. every remnant of we, you say, will feel like papercuts under their fingernails and they will dig them out with disgust. even when they try to forget you, you say, they will be stuck with a lingering impression of everything you said wrong. you know I'm right, you say - you know I'm the safest you to make a we.
something about you: I don't know who I am.
@Seirre I had like a half-written comment here that I never finished up ~ but wanted to fix that!
SO WOW - this is a really intense and well written poem!
(a lot of your work is amazing, but if you're looking into publishing ?? this is definitely one I think you should consider polishing & submitting out there, it's a really good read - like every. single. line. is so intriguing)
I'm always a fan of poetry in list and definition form, but I love that you've twisted it a bit here to make it different and fit the poem. Like the irony of having a list with just an "a" and no "b" with the repeated message of needing more information and elaboration on who the "you" is. I think having a list with a singular item also felt like it was the perfect fit for the "i" who had lost their "we" if that makes sense.
Also for a poem that is so theoretical, complex, and even philosophical I really appreciate the vivid concrete metaphors of the beats and papercuts - great job weaving the imagery together too so that the first and half stanzas feel connected.
The poem was a little bit to get my head around, and I'm not entirely sure I got the message how you intended, but it's one of those poems where even if I didn't completely "get" it, I still really enjoyed the process of reading (and re-reading) it.
I had a few interpretations
1) the narrator is referring to a "you" who is another person but who used to be so close to them that their identities almost merged, there seems to have been some sort of disconnect between the two of them and now they don't know who they are without the other person. Interestingly neither the "you" or the "i" are developed much in the poem as far as their identities apart from each other so even in the poem they become merged.
2) the narrator is referring to a "you" who is actually themselves - and they refer to themselves in second person because they feel disconnected from their self-identity and are trying to figure out who they are. They feel like they lost a part of themselves when the "you" is gone - and now are trying to search to re-find their inner voice.
3) my other interpretation is that the poem maybe isn't about specific people but about hypothetical people that people create with their gossip or rumors or just their words in general- a lot of the conflict seems to be around gossip, words, and promises, ie. "I'd never gossip about you. you is the temporary, unreliable half of we. we exchange words" and "you say they will empty their pockets of all my beads, my pieces, my bits of thread, the moment they're out of eyeshot."
I think that some of the plot there is a bit confusing a s I mentioned above - I'm not sure I have any suggestions to smooth that out, but the poem is still enjoyable to read even if I wasn't entirely clear where it was going. One thing that's really interesting about the poem is also how you use contrasts of images that shouldn't go together (maybe to mimic the contrasts between the you & the "i") -- for instance "murmur" is a really gentle word, and next to "veins throb" which is more medical & gory is interesting - and then "scissor blades whoosh" was another that was really contrasting image - with "whoosh" being soft and whimsical vs scissor blades seeming really violent.
Overall it's a very layered and interesting poem, really enjoyable to read! 
Hopefully some of that was helpful!
Never stop writing! <3
~alliyah
this is definitely one I think you should consider polishing & submitting out there, it's a really good read
but it's one of those poems where even if I didn't completely "get" it, I still really enjoyed the process of reading (and re-reading) it.
I had a few interpretations
I think that some of the plot there is a bit confusing a s I mentioned above
One thing that's really interesting about the poem is also how you use contrasts of images that shouldn't go together
Overall it's a very layered and interesting poem, really enjoyable to read!
Hopefully some of that was helpful!
CHMAWHAT HELLO THERE
So, first thing I thought of when I started reading was "oh, schoolwork poem." I think that's because of the "a. Tell me something about you" part because teachers label things with letters when you start to get into the older grades / high school. Perhaps this is pointing fingers at that, especially with the question being about the person, who does not know who they are and technically are not looking for themselves at the moment.
Like with
you is the fleeting state of the person I'm talking to.
Please elaborate on your answer.
you is the make-pretend game of we're gossiping about them now, but I'd never gossip about you
every remnant of we, you say, will feel like papercuts under their fingernails and they will dig them out with disgust.
Hey watcha! Incoming review!
It's always great to see you posting some works, and I'm here to review one!
Let's start with some critique.
I wouldn't exactly classify this as a critique, just something I noticed about your style here. The first letter of each sentence isn't capitalized but "I" is. I guess I'm just not used to this particular style of capitalization but sometimes when I see a capitalized "I", I get sidetracked a bit.
This is just a suggestion but I would have personally put a full stop. And then put "it" at the beginning of the next line.and now you are gone, and you is the voice in my head,
Man, this section is very powerful. I can remember when making bead bracelets or necklaces, I would spill the beads sometimes. And I would just feel so defeated and emotionless, but I had to pick them up anyway and maybe re-string them. And with the next lines I can feel the lack of trust. But you have to carry one. It's just so beautiful.we exchange words and pulses the way children slip beads onto a necklace, loosely and disorganized and distracted by the way scissor blades whoosh against each other. then we run out of time, I cut the string, beads bleed onto the floor, and you leave to join a different we.
It's hard to trust someone new and the words of "I'd never gossip about you," is always suspicious to someone you're trying to befriend. Gosh, I just feel the emotion you were trying to convey and it's brilliant.you is the make-pretend game of we're gossiping about them now, but I'd never gossip about you. you is the temporary, unreliable half of we.
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