z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Last One

by Ignorance


Maeve was a lone creature, wandering the local ruins in the year 4647. Ze had always been fascinated by them. They were said to be from a past group of people, ones unlike the Inzen. Some say that they were an entirely different species altogether.

Maeve smiled softly to zerself as ze came upon what was similar to a space station, but far less advanced than their technology. This was zer special spot, a place that always brought a sense of comfort to zer. Ze walked inside, the steps echoing the overgrown halls. Zappions and Dizers were in full bloom around the station, along with other unfamiliar plants that were said to be from the age of the olden creatures.

As ze walked around, Maeve got deeper and deeper into the station. Deeper than ze had ever trekked before. Ze paused when ze noticed something. A storage unit..? Maeve opened it, out of curiosity. There was an abandoned box on the ground, one that held a shiny key and a note. Eyes sparkling with newfound interest, ze picked up the note and began reading.

If there is anyone left to read this:

We’re gone. We’re all gone. The asteroid successfully hit our planet, and everything’s gone. As I’m writing this, I don’t know if the plan worked. The plan is to fly a group of humans to distant space, in hopes of salvaging what’s left of our race. Please, take the key. Go find the lock in the programming room. If we’re successful, then maybe someday I’ll explain more.

-Roberta Jackson, NASA astronaut

Maeve blinked. NASA? Humans? It was confusing, but ze somewhat understood what to do. Ze carefully picked up the key, examining it for a moment, before going to the programming room. Ze knew exactly where it was. Maeve had been there several times, and had always wondered what that lock was for. But now, ze knew, and maybe ze’d finally get some answers to the question ze always asked zerself: who was here before zer?

The Inzen creature cautiously slipped the key into the hole and twisted it. At once, the screen lit up, static filling it. Maeve flinched for a moment, about to remove the key, until ze heard a voice.

“Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?”

Ze froze. That person sounded so different… was that Roberta, the NASA astronaut? The one who had left the note? A creature unlike anything Maeve had ever seen popped up on the screen. They had messy, long red hair, skin the color of sand (save for the dark circles under their eyes), and brown eyes that looked exhausted and tear stained.

“Alright… god, where do I start… My name is Roberta Jackson. If you’re hearing this, I hope I’m not alone. I really hope not. Everyone else is dead, I’m the last one here… I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’m the last human. If you’re seeing this, maybe some alien species has taken over, I dunno… it’s probably too far away for that, maybe this is being seen in the future..? Whatever. I can’t take this. Nothing matters, I can’t do anything… I’m trying so hard to find another planet, somewhere with food and water and.. and people. I need- I need people. I can’t keep doing this alone, I can’t- I just-“ Roberta sighed. “God, what’s gotten into me…” The red haired human clutched a finger, one with a ring on it. “Harmony… god, what would you think of me now…” Tears filled Roberta’s eyes. “Why did this have to happen- why- WHY?! YOU COULDN’T HAVE HIT ANYWHERE ELSE- n-no, I… I gotta stay sane, for you, my love… r-right. The camera. Please, send a signal, ANYTHING. I just- I just wanna go home… please…” Alarms suddenly rang on the ship. “Wh-What the- holy- okay, what’s going-“ Smoke began to fill the interior. “No- NO NO NO NO!! ST-STOP IT!! PLEASE, I JUST- I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK, I-“ The screen reduced to static once more.

Maeve stood there, frozen. Ze had just watched the last moments of humanity, right in front of zer.


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User avatar
701 Reviews


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Sun Aug 08, 2021 8:04 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyyy Ignorance! Forever here for a review!

First of all, congratulations for the bronze medal! You definitely deserved that for you have written such a great piece!
Something that I suggest doing is to mention that you have used zerself and zer instead of herself and she. That makes it easier. I had to re-read the first two lines to get the actual meaning. Except that it was quite good.

I love stories set in future. It just gives us the opportunity to explore tons of new things and precisely, a whole new World. If I am not very wrong, the story is set near about 4700 because it's told ruins of 4657. Ah you have done a great job like making even the future the past. Seems like Maeve has an attraction towards all historic staffs. If she likes sitting and roaming idle in ruins, that is the only reason visible to me.

The end left me wondering about what actually happened to the man. He was the last human being, I guess. Did he survive or something happened which lead to the worst? Yet to be answered. You have managed to give a good glimpse of how desperate the human was to survive.

Overall, it was pretty intriguing. However, if you give some descriptions of all these creatures, it would help the readers to visualize the thing and the setting in a more versatile way.

Keep Writing!

~Forever




Ignorance says...


Thanks for the review! And for the record, two things: 1, Roberta was a female, and 2, she did not survive.





Oh I am stupid. It clearly says she is a female. Sorry for that and yes thanks for the clarification.





Oh I am stupid. It clearly says she is a female. Sorry for that and yes thanks for the clarification.



Ignorance says...


Hey hey you are not stupid >:(





That was definitely stupid of me to confuse those two. Whatever, doesn't matter.



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498 Reviews


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Tue Aug 03, 2021 12:25 am
Que wrote a review...



Hi Ignorance!

Nice story you have here. :) Apologies in advance as my reviewing technique is rather rusty, but I'll dive right into it.

Maeve was a lone creature, wandering the local ruins in the year 4647... They were said to be from a past group of people, ones unlike the Inzen.

Saying "lone creature" here implies that there is no one left of zer own people, which doesn't quite seem to be true considering there are more of the "Inzen." Just wanted to let you know that it seemed a little weird!

ones unlike the Inzen

Zappions and Dizers were in full bloom around the station, along with other unfamiliar plants that were said to be from the age of the olden creatures.

Alright, so normally I love the introduction of new species and ideas with different names, and I think it's a good way to set out a new world for the reader. However, you're working with such a short story that I'm not sure these words were as helpful as they could have been! They definitely were effective in terms of cueing the reader into the fact that there are new things on a planet that used to be earth, but it might be more helpful to give a little description in places.

Maeve got deeper and deeper into the station. Deeper than ze had ever trekked before.

before going to the programming room. Ze knew exactly where it was.

This seemed a little contradictory to me; it's almost implied that the programming room is deeper in the station as well, and so it doesn't quite make sense that Maeve has been there before. However, it's probably just elsewhere in the station! I just wanted to let you know that these two parts seemed like they didn't seem to fit together quite right.

If there is anyone left to read this:

I think it's really interesting that whatever possible alien (?) Maeve might be, ze is still able to read things in the same language as earth people before!
Also, I wonder if you could include a year or date on this message, to give us a sense of how long it's been. Unless you think that would destroy the suspense of the last message! Now that I'm thinking about it, I definitely had a moment where I thought the final message could be happening in real time, and that was super interesting too.

The asteroid successfully hit our planet

"Successfully" makes it sound like there was a plan to have the asteroid hit!! I'm hoping that's not what actually happened...

That person sounded so different… was that Roberta, the NASA astronaut?

Different from what? Different how? This next section in general would be a great place to drop some hints as to what the differences are between humans and whoever/whatever Maeve is. You're working with a shorter format, so I would definitely say avoid lengthy descriptions that take away from the plot, but I think you can weave in some little images here and there to strengthen the sense of the familiar and the alien that we get to experience here. :)

The red haired human clutched a finger, one with a ring on it.

This might sound better if it was "clutched a ring on their finger", perhaps?

The screen reduced to static once more.

You might need to say "The screen was reduced to static once more."

Overall, really interesting story! I was really impressed with the emotional impact of your last paragraph, considering that we've hardly had time to learn about Roberta's character and predicament. Nicely done with that! I do wonder if we could have gotten more of a reaction from Maeve, but on the other hand, the single line at the end does have a way of eliminating questions.

Another thing I might have enjoyed seeing more of is some atmosphere. With the words "space station" and "NASA", I can get a little bit of a sense for this place, but we also know there are flowers and "overgrown halls". Ahh I think I would just like to see a little more imagery around the plants and metal theme. I'm wondering what kind of mood this gives off, because this could help shape your story -- it seems that Maeve might consider it a safe/welcoming place, in which case the ending might ruin zer perceptions forever. (That would be really interesting!) Or, is it perhaps creepier the deeper one goes in due to lack of light? I think you could possibly use the setting as a build-up to your emotional ending if that's something you're interested in doing. :)

Nice job, Ignorance! This was a fun read. Have a fantastic day, good luck in the Olympics!

-Q





Sometimes my life just sounds like surrealistic fiction being sold on clearance at the book store.
— J. G. Hammersmith