Hi there and good morning/afternoon/evening/night or whatever it is in your corner of the galaxy! Wren dropping in for a little review on this compelling story!
First off, WHERE IS THE REST OF THIS BOOK?! Because I need to read it! I love the writing style, I love the name Fallion, and I love just the overall storyline! If this gets published PM me please!
Also, I'm just going to mention, there are a few spelling or word errors. I like to use the free version of Grammarly when I am writing something, it doesn't catch everything but it might help!😃
This is an amazing piece of imagery, I can not only picture the scene in my mind but I can hear it as well.A storm lashed against the tiny cell window, rain running rivulets down the bars are pooling on the stone floor. Wind rattled the chains that filled the room, the rattling echoing throughout.
You do a very good job of conveying that Fallion has been in that cell for a long time and that she is extremely injured.
This is why you don't run off with the dryads people! If he's part tree, isn't carrying a wooden club like hitting people with ripped-off arms?One was a large, bald man with tree stumps for hands. A ruin of a scar blinded his left eye. He carried heavy wooden club.
He certainly sounds like he has grown accustomed to his role as King and will not give up easily. That crown sounds awesome!He was garbed in a red velvet doublet and ermine cloak. Never had a man looked more out of place than the dingy cell. Atop his head, nestled among the black ringlets, was a circlet of bronze and onyx, a circlet fit for a King.
Another thing to mention is that your dialogue tags do not match up sometimes, for instance:
The scoffing part would go on the next line, only because it seems like Fallion is the one speaking now."Is that anyway to talk to your King and you father?" Fallion scoffed.
Yes! You go girl!Her foot caught the King between the legs, knocking him down to the floor and gasping for breath.
Overall a really fantastic story!! Thank you, I am excited to read more!! Have a great day!
Points: 381
Reviews: 36
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