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Honesty

by TheKatB92


Honesty

To be completely honest, sometimes people change you. Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes for the worse. Sometimes, it is both.

For the better, I would say I am 100% stronger. I am to the point where I no longer silence my opinions, no not opinions, feelings. I used to worry about sharing my feelings due to how others would feel. It’s not that I’ve grown cold or don’t care. I am finally done sacrificing my own feelings to protect others. I shouldn’t sacrifice my happiness so that others feel secure or safe. That’s not saying I will go out of my way to hurt anyone even those who have ripped me open and tore me apart. I have always chosen my words wisely. I do not say things I know I cannot take back. The pain of words can last. Your words can hurt with the intensity of burning fire on your soft tender flesh. The damage can be everlasting. Scars may never heal. So I will say what I feel but with words I have turned over in my head a thousand and one times to ensure your scaring is minimal or nonexistent.

For the worse, I find it hard to trust others emotions. Imagine a kiss tender and true. A brush of two hands that sends electricity through your body. A hug that makes you feel secure and safe. Imagine someone holding you until you fall asleep. Think about the obnoxious couples that post loving things where all others can see. The whispers of I love you as you are crying in pain. The words I love you even on your best day. A promise made with a ring. Now think of all that. All that joy and happiness. Now imagine it’s a lie. They were always looking for another. They were always critical of your every move. The promise with the ring meant nothing. You just were blinded by the temporary joy you felt. It wasn’t all bad, but it was all pretend for them. For you it was real, but for them it was brief bliss. The timer was ticking, and they were counting down the seconds until they would hurt you. It’s like a sick game. They get pleasure out of hurting others. They’re friends say things like, “I hoped he would’ve changed for her.” But they will never change. It’s hard after that to trust a kiss or the words I love you. The next jolt of electricity feels like your heart is betraying you. You go from listening to your heart to trusting your gut who always has its walls up. So yes I have fortress around my heart. Yes after even a year of trying to break those walls down, I am still guarded. How could I not be? It took me four years to realize the manipulation was always there. So trusting myself and others is not easy anymore. I’m not sure I will ever go back to fully allowing myself to feel that way again, because yeah it was great while it lasted, but that hurt is the most painful feeling I have ever experienced, and I never want to let myself feel that again.

So yes I have changed, and NO I will never be the same.


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Sat Jul 24, 2021 12:04 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review! And belated welcome to YWS!!

This was a very moving piece! I think that change is something everyone can relate to; I know I found myself nodding along to some of your points. I liked how you focused on change in a more positive light and then moved into the more negative side of things; that contrast helped keep the reader's interest.

I think your metaphors in this were very nice. They worked really well to help the reader relate to the material that was presented. I think the strongest example of that was the descriptions of the relationship and then it crumbling. Not sure if that was autobiographical, but sending you love all the same. Manipulation by others is always tough, and the narrator seems to have gone through it. I liked the line about the "fortress around my heart." I think that bit of figurative language worked well to display how closed off and guarded the narrator is.

One thing I did notice about this was how it was structured. You marked it as poetry, but to me, it doesn't exactly read like a poem, even prose poetry. It sounds like a personal essay or a character monologue. There's an essay option when you go to publish your work, just in case you didn't see it, along with a short story and script option. I know that sometimes the Publishing Center glitches. Also, I wanted to direct you to the handy dandy blog feature on this site. I'm not sure if this is personal, but if you're looking more for a spot to vent with more supportive feedback (as in, people replying to the actual content) that's a good place for it. Here, when you publish it as a literary work, people come to review their thoughts on both the quality and content. If that's what you want, go for it! This could also just be a work in writing from the POV of a character, and I would say that belongs where it is now. I just thought I'd draw your attention to the other site features as well. (Also, publishing a work costs 200 points. Writing a blog post is free.)

Specifics

I am to the point where I no longer silence my opinions, no not opinions, feelings.


I got what you were trying to achieve from the punctuation here, but it read a little awkwardly. I think if you first used an em-dash after the first opinions and then said "No, not opinions. Feelings." That would flow a bit better.

The whispers of I love you as you are crying in pain.


I think "I love you" should have quotations around it.

They’re friends say things like, “I hoped he would’ve changed for her.”


Tiny thing: "they're" should be "their."

So yes I have changed, and NO I will never be the same.


To me, the ending felt... underwhelming. I think it's redundant, because you're saying you've changed and that you'll never be the same, which is already implied in saying you've changed. I also think the "no" in capitals radiates a child yelling and stamping its foot, which doesn't fit well with the rest of what you've presented. Play around with different endings. See which one you like best. Also, lowercase the "no."

Overall: nice work!! I think this was a very well worded piece, and your usage of metaphors to further the emphasis on feelings worked nicely with the mood you were trying to convey. I hope to read more of your work sometime! Until next time!




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Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:41 am
mxrgan wrote a review...



Hey! I’m a little new to this website and this will be my second review.
I can’t disagree with you, because I too have been hurt so many times— far more than I can hope for. And when it comes to love, I am the worst at handling it. The part where it says, “...It’s hard after that to trust a kiss or the words I love you. The next jolt of electricity feels like your heart is betraying you. You go from listening to your heart to trusting your gut who always has its walls up. So yes I have fortress around my heart. Yes after even a year of trying to break those walls down, I am still guarded...” is something that I can completely relate to. It’s like you almost read my mind. It hit me, like a rock...if that makes sense, and now...I’m sitting here kind of like almost tearing up because of how much I could relate to this. But it’s ok. I don’t know if this is something you truly feel or if it’s just something you decided to write, but either way, it was pretty damn spot on.

If this is how you really feel, then all I can tell you is that it’s okay. I think without these emotions, we can’t really call ourselves human, right? But don’t think of having your guard up as a bad thing. I think when it comes to a certain point, then yes. But in life, we can choose to do whatever we want. Some people prefer using the term “you only live once” (yolo) but I can’t. YES, I do only live once, and when it comes to achieving goals in life, then I guess that term can apply, but when it comes to my heart, I only have one heart. I can’t just let it out to everybody. So having your guard up is not a bad thing. Being hurt, yes it sucks, but it allows us to grow. You said it yourself, you’re 100 times stronger now. So don’t be so upset. Life will give us challenges and it’s our job to choose to face it or let it define us. Just think of it as being proud of yourself. Look where you are now, compared to the person you were before. And just use that to inspire you to keep going. In regards to having your guard up, I would say don’t try to force them down, because they were made there for a reason. Having them there, will allow you to have standards and find the right person who can meet them. Have them there until you find that someone who shows you that they aren’t perfect, but that they’ll fight to prove their love to you. When you find someone like that, then it is up to you as to what your next move is. We don’t know where life will take us. But we can only hope to be strong for ourselves and the people we care about.

Now with your writing, it was very well done. I usually don’t get moved by people’s writing, but I think you did a great job in bringing out the emotion to your reader, which in this case, is me. You made me think, you made me reflect. So I hope you continue writing because you are a great writer. But anywayssss, that all I have to say. I’m not much of a literal critique. But I hope you have a great rest of your day:D




TheKatB92 says...


Thank you for all the support. I appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts and writing so much. I%u2019m new on here too so truly trying to get the hang of this site lol. Learning as I go. Again thank you so much! You are awesome!



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Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:01 am
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HikariHateke says...



Good for you! Loved how you wrote this

it definitely didn't make me feel things haha (*sobs*)




TheKatB92 says...


Thank you! Appreciate the support.




There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable