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Forbidden 2

by FireEyes


he has the prettiest set

of pearly whites and

it's contagious and makes me

delighted.

handsome isn't the right word.

he is "pretty" and "fetchingly hewn"

and makes so many swoon.

actually, it should be illegal

at how beautiful this man is.

his sky blue eyes

make my want to fly.

even his friend

described him as

a pint of cotton candy sherbet

with rainbow sprinkles.

this angel of a man

had people with

the audacity to say

he was a dweeb in high school.

and he, after 1000 years,

will still look the same

with the same bubbly shine

to him since he hit the big screen.


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232 Reviews


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Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:18 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hey! I don't know much about the technicalities of poetry so I'll just comment on the word choices.

'it's contagious and makes me delighted-' - what's contagious? His teeth? His smile?

'actually, it should be illegal at how beautiful this man is' - this doesn't really make sense?

'a pint of cotton candy sherbet' - I really like this!

'this angel of a man had people with the audacity to say...' - again, doesn't really make sense?

Hope this helps!




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Tue Oct 26, 2021 11:10 pm
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GoodieGoat wrote a review...



Hello FireEyes my name is GoodieGoat. I hope you are having a wonderful day and this finds you well!

I noticed the genre listed as humor and satire. I attempted to find background information through internet searches, existing comments, and your wall and about page but wasn't able to get in on what may have been your intended joke. My purpose in mentioning this isn't to detract but rather I wanted to inform you I'm not privy to the humor contained within this peice and my review will likely reflect that.

The most noticeable feature of your poem is the formatting. Where each stanza switches between each extreme of the page. This is really cool and reminds me of the poet Edward Cummings where the formatting and structure of the words are just as relevant to the art as the words themselves. Again your unique arrangement inclined me to read your stanzas in different orders than I might of otherwise and convey multiple meanings. If your interested about the work of the poet your work reminded me of I found this to be a good resource (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/e-e-cummings).

When I read your first stanza I initially misread the reference to pretty teeth to be referring to the whites of somebody's eyes. While this though is off-topic the idea of a poet emphasizing the sclera rather than the iris, pupil, or entirety of an eye proved alluring to me and I hope you find it interesting. Your final stanza gave me the most cause for reflection. I interpreted it as the beauty of the actor being preserved and memorialized beyond normal time tables via advancements in cinema technology.

My final though is that I think you make excellent use of rhyming in your work. Whether it be classical like 'whites' and 'delighted', or something akin to 'described' and 'pint'. My only feedback is a possible repharsing of your third stanza could be;
"handsome isn't the right word
he is 'pretty' and 'fetchingly hewn'
and makes so many swoon"

I hope you've found these thoughts useful and upbuilding!
Sincerely,
GoodieGoat




FireEyes says...


Hey thanks GoodieGoat! The humor aspect was how this is a poem written about an actor 3 times my age. But I appreciate your review! <3



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Mon Oct 25, 2021 1:14 pm
QueenMadrose says...



Is this Johnny? or sodapop?




FireEyes says...


it's one of the ow actors



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Sun Oct 24, 2021 3:33 am
TheWordsOfWolf says...



Ah, this is very nice




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46 Reviews


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Sun Oct 24, 2021 3:33 am
TheWordsOfWolf says...







You cannot have an opponent if you keep saying yes.
— Richard Siken