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Forbidden 1

by FireEyes


young man, you make me jump

you make me smile ear to ear

and i can't wait for each new time

i get to see you.

although you can't sing 

i still like you.

my ears can bleed

and ring all day

but you knew what you wanted

to do from the age of fourteen.

the letter 'c' is special to me

as it's how you have identified 

yourself from a very young age.

my father is fond of your presence

for the days he spent with you were

enjoyable. playing golf,

talking, and laughing.

because of your position but

down to earth conduct,

we got a piece of you

that we'll never find

again.

but there is that sinister side

to you, with a mask to cover your

identity and to cover your

wrongdoing.

you are in the highest grossing

film of all time. the alien didn't

captivate me, only you did.

and all this beside you became

your first role. 

Ponyboy Michael Curtis

you are doing a great job.

A/N: Hi, this is the first in a series. If you can put in your guesses, they'll probably be right, in your review that would be appreciated! Thanks!


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89 Reviews


Points: 108
Reviews: 89

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Wed Oct 13, 2021 6:39 pm
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Em16 wrote a review...



I'm guessing this is about C. Thomas Howell (I looked it up and IMDB says he played Ponyboy in the 1983 film). I thought it was a wonderful poem and a well written tribute. The emotion and the devotion of the speaker towards the figure described in the poem is clear and moving. Your style of writing manages to be both simple and elegant at the same time, with sentences that are uncomplicated and uncluttered.
I also really loved the way you had each successive stanza on a different side of the page. It bounced back and forth and I felt the physical placement on different sides of the page emphasized that you were showing different sides of the figure the speaker was praising. It added a sense of complexity to the descriptions. Reading it felt almost like watching a tennis match, and it gave the poem a more lively feel.
However, there were some specific phrases that I think could be written to be more elegant or meaningful. For example, the first line of the poem is not grammatically correct, and the first line of a poem is always super important because it's the first impression upon the reader. I would suggest changing it to say, "in the highest grossing film of all time, is Ponyboy" or "Ponyboy is in the highest grossing film of all time" (I think the latter version makes more sense to the reader's ear, since the other version is a Yoda-like construction which could be disorienting to the reader). In addition, in the third to last stanza, I felt the period was inserted in an odd place in "but there is that sinister side / to you. with a mask to cover". The period feels like an abrupt interruption, and I think a comma would work better to preserve the flow of the sentence.
Overall, I really liked this poem. I thought the last stanza was really sweet and a nice way to wrap up the threads of the poem. I hope to read more of your writing in the future!




FireEyes says...


Thank you! And yes it's C Thomas Howell! And oops I forgot about the first line, it was a list of qualities I forgot to delete lol lemme do that. But thank you for the review!



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79 Reviews


Points: 1701
Reviews: 79

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Tue Oct 12, 2021 5:27 am
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AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions :) I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

FireEyes! I enjoyed reading your piece (actually, anything you write is magical!). Sorry, I don't have time to dive in super deeply, but what I loved most was the formatting :) that really stood out to me. Made it feel easier to read and conveyed the story well.

I love how some of your stanzas end with single or very few words. Just helps the flow. I love to do that with my writing too <3

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to you!
Ellie <3<3




FireEyes says...


Thank you Ellie!




We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway