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Greg and The Lake of Death

by ArctiWolf


If you haven't read  The Spider Who Paid Rent or Greg and The Waps go check out those stories first.

Enjoy! 

Greg the Tennessee jumping spider and Trace the army ant veteran had been greeted by some stunned locals when they arrived at the garden. The sun would disappear over the horizon soon and Greg wanted to set up his bug-catching web for the night. He'd only heard of the legendary juicy bug they called a mosquito and wanted to see one for himself, if not catch one.

Eventually, Greg and Trace spotted Poka the ladybug who was talking with another bug that he had only vaguely remembered hearing of. Trace easily cleared up that the insect in front of him was a walking stick. The walking stick almost looked like a blade of grass or a very slender leaf and was green all over. Greg couldn't help but stare at him in amazement and realize he had a lot to learn about what lived out under the open sky.

Poka, with a little help from her grass-looking friend, finally noticed Greg and Trace's presence. Her first order of business was to introduce them to Walker, the green walking stick that Greg had been gawking at. He seemed rather nice and had a slow southern drawl which, in Greg's opinion, made him all the more likable.

Poka informed them that Walker was an expert on trees and as such almost always accurately predicted the weather. Walker eyed the odd pair before telling them that the weather would be clear for most of the night. When Greg asked why Walker had used the word most he had just slowly drawled that there would probably be a storm early in the morning.

Trace asked Poka about an old friend, Doug the carpenter bee. Doug lived in his fence post with his partner for life, Clover. Poka informed them that Clover had tunneled out a home for them nearby, but was currently on vacation. Poka then went on to point it out for them. With a nod and a quick thanks, Greg and Trace set off once more. However, this time they had a more specific goal.

.

.

.

It took them a little bit to find, but eventually, they found Doug's fencepost. It was well hidden from the local insect population, which meant it was even more hidden from the humans. When they arrived at the fence post, Greg and Trace were greeted by a housekeeping, Doug. Upon noticing their arrival, Trace's in particular, Doug flew down to meet them.

It was a very happy reunion and Greg gave his friend a bit of space. Doug became very dubious after laying his eyes on Greg. When Doug incredulously asked why Trace wasn't the spider's next meal, Greg simply stated that he was great company. He did not forget to mention his dislike of flies, they were so greedy. This made Doug give a hearty laugh and remark that maybe Greg wasn't so bad after all.

With the sun nearly down, Greg asked, very politely, which place would be the best to set up his web. Doug happily pointed out a corner where the wood parallel to the ground met the upright fence post. It was out of the way of the locals' flight paths but sure to catch him a few plump mosquitos, Doug had added with a wink.

After finishing his bug-catching web for the night, Greg then proceeded to weave together an overhang that would prevent the rain from washing in. As he worked Greg designed his structure in a way that would allow Doug to easily fly in and out of his workspace. The sun barely glistened over the tops of the trees as Greg finished his little contraption. When Doug came out to check on his new spider friend, he was pleasantly surprised by Greg's little gift and thanked him most sincerely.

After a time the talk finally ceased, the stars were out and Doug led Greg down the tunnel to the sleeping chambers. Trace had made himself quite comfortable and Greg found the wooden walls quite comforting. However, they also made him a bit homesick for the quaint, sheltered attic he had left behind.

When Greg got up the next morning the landscape was covered in glittering drops of water from the early morning rain. As Greg went towards the entrance he noticed that Trace was still asleep in the corner. Doug, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen so Greg decided to check his web while he waited. 

Once Greg arrived at his destination, the raindrops attached to his web shimmered and reflected the morning light. In the center of it all, much to Greg's great delight, he found a nice juicy-looking mosquito waiting for him. However, Greg concluded that he had best save it for later, something about Doug's disappearance just didn't seem right. Greg neatly wrapped his mosquito, checked that it was secure, and scurried back to Trace.

When Greg finished telling Trace about Doug's disappearance Trace seemed a bit angst. When Greg asked why Trace had simply replied that most local insects that go missing are often found in the Lake of Death. Greg shivered the name seemed fitting after Trace gave his latest tally of the dead lost to the water. It was only really a danger during the summer though, the humans seemed to enjoy filling the circular slippery-sided Lake.

Unfortunately, it was currently summertime which meant Doug was probably in grave danger. They decided they would head to the Tall Oak which overlooked the Lake of Death. On their way to the Tall Oak, they encountered Jack the hoverfly. Jack hurriedly informed them that Doug was stuck in the Lake of Death, much to Greg and Trace's horror.

They had already been going as fast as they could, but knowing their friend's life was truly on the line somehow made them go even faster. Greg and Trace had to get to Doug before the surface of the water broke. Neither of them dared think of the consequences of being too late.

Walker was already on the edge of the Lake of Death when they arrived. His habit of hanging around the Tall Oak made him the resident lifeguard. Even using Walker to keep Doug above the surface wouldn't keep Doug alive for much longer. He didn't have much time left. Greg eyed his surroundings quickly and thoroughly. However, to his dismay, Greg found no leverage for his webbing. Trace suddenly froze, Greg had not seen him so terrified during their entire friendship. When Greg looked up he understood, the local praying mantis had come for breakfast.

Everyone started panicking and started frantically trying to come up with ways to save Doug before the praying mantis arrived. Trace mentioned an ant chain like in the old days, but there weren't enough ants. Greg suggested making a line of webbing across and helping Doug along, but that idea was also quickly trashed. Much to everyone's great irritation, Walker didn't seem at all worried about Doug's impending doom. He didn't even try to make any suggestions on methods of rescue.  Everyone else, on the other hand, kept trying their best to think of a solution, but it was too late. The Locals started panicking and all that ended up happening was a mass surge for cover. When the panic subsided the only ones left were Greg, Trace, and Walker.

Greg felt completely helpless as the green mantis swooped down. Time seemed to slow down and Greg felt like he should have looked away, but couldn't. He snapped back to reality when the mantis gently scooped up a terrified Doug. After carefully placing Doug on the ground she gave them a curt nod. To which Greg responded with a quiet thank you, he was utterly stunned.

Walker, on the other hand, did not seem the least bit surprised and stirred up a small conversation. The mantis was curt and her visit short, but Walker seemed to be enjoying every word of his conversation with Mandy, as he called her. Nevertheless, she disappeared as quickly as she had come, leaving a disappointed Walker and a sopping wet Doug in her wake.

Greg was just glad that Doug was alright and, with Trace's help, got him in a position where he could dry out fully. A little while later Greg left and gathered nectar in a little leaf basket for Doug and grabbed a few leaves for Trace. They both ended up asking him where his lunch was. Greg simply responded that it was too big for him to carry and besides that Greg had never truly understood lunch itself as a concept. He was simply content to wait until they got back home to have supper.


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Sun Jun 20, 2021 6:31 am
rida says...



Wowwy!




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Sat Jun 19, 2021 4:22 pm
FireEyes wrote a review...



Heya ArctiWolf! Incoming review for the third installment in this "series."

This one has a different tone to it. From the start, when Walker had said there was probably going to be a storm in the morning, there was suspense. With all the new characters you've introduced, I think I like Doug the best. It, more or less, turns our duo into a trio. Doug just seems like the easygoing neighbor who happens to go on adventures too, like the red head neighbor in Phineas and Ferb.

Speaking of Doug, the peril you put him in for the story is suspenseful enough that I want him to be saved, but not so much that if I were to read it to my little cousins, hey would be frightened. I like how you go through all the different ways of how they could save Doug, but they wouldn't work. The little plot-twist with Mandy the Preying Mantis was well executed. It brought out another layer of depth in the predator characters, that they might not just be interested in their next meal.

Greg felt completely helpless as the green mantis swooped down. Time seemed to slow down and Greg felt like he should have looked away, but couldn't.
I love this. We lose all hope that Doug's going to be okay, even if the endings to your previous stories have turned out okay. We get to feel what Greg is feeling.

Although your story is spectacular, I have some critiques. My biggest one to mention would to be to add dialogue. I've mentioned that in my previous review, but it would really spice everything up and add life into the characters. In this paragraph
When Greg finished telling Trace about Doug's disappearance Trace seemed a bit angst. When Greg asked why Trace had simply replied that most local insects that go missing are often found in the Lake of Death. Greg shivered the name seemed fitting after Trace gave his latest tally of the dead lost to the water. It was only really a danger during the summer though, the humans seemed to enjoy filling the circular slippery-sided Lake.
you could have something like this,
"Trace," Greg panted, "I was going to check my web this morning and I didn't see Doug in the sleeping chambers. And I still haven't seen him."
Trace only glanced and looked off with angst.
"Why are you being like this? This is an emergency!" Greg was alarmed at Trace's behavior.
and so on and so forth. If the dialogue isn't your thing. You don't have to add it.

Another thing was about the lake of death. I am slightly confused as to what it is but I am assuming it's a pool. The only problem I have with it might be that it would have been harder for the bugs, insects, and arachnids to save Doug because we don't know how far out from the pool's ledge he is. But for the sake of the story, and not based of realism, Doug can be as far or as close as he needs to be. But I think it's good storytelling when you can manipulate the known laws of nature in this case, and have your audience suspend their disbelief.

One last thing is just this sentence right here,
When the panic subsided the only ones left were Greg Trace and Walker.
Because this is a list you should have commas like Greg, Trace, and Walker. But that was it. And I also noticed you described the mosquitos as "juicy" and not anything else. I would suggest replacing one of those uses with "a hardy meal" or "filling."

Well, that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful. I really want to read more about Greg's adventured so keep writing them if you desire! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeee<3




ArctiWolf says...


I thought about adding dialogue in the beginning but decided against it. This is more of a challenge for me to accurately portray characters with little to no dialogue.

Thanks for the review! Oh, and I went and fixed that sentence you mentioned.



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:29 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi ArctiWolf,

Mailice back with another short review! :D

And here we have the second sequel of this little adventure. I enjoy the stories as they are well written in detail and always have a funny and nice plot. This part was even quite thrilling towards the end and managed to deliver that tension well too.

What I liked most about this chapter was that you got the feeling of taking part in a road trip, and discovering the world together with Greg and his new friends - which in the case of this story is more like a big garden/field I guess. :D

I liked at the same time that you were introduced to a lot of new characters but also found that they were a lot in a short space of time. Especially with a short introduction, like Trace or Walker for example, this has a negative aftertaste, that you suddenly jump from one animal to the next, and as a reader you can only imagine that it's a certain insect with a name.

Nevertheless, I like how you manage, even through these minimalist ideas, by means of the descriptions, to keep the plot going, to create characters that are unique. I would only advise you here to maybe go a little deeper into each character, otherwise it's too much for such a short time.

Other things I noticed while reading:

Greg the Tennessee jumping spider and Trace the army ant veteran had been greeted by some stunned locals when they arrived at the garden.

A very good start for what is now the third short story. By now you don't need to know what's going on to know what's going on and with this opening sentence you set the stage for the reader to remember which characters are involved.

Greg couldn't help but stare at him in amazement and realise he had a lot to learn about what lived out under the open sky.

I like your approach here, the way you describe the Phasmatodea and connect it to Greg. You can clearly see that he hasn't seen much of the world yet and is a house spider from the country. :D

Walker, the green walking stick that Greg had been gawking at.

Good name. :D

When Greg asked why Walker had used the word most he had just slowly drawn that there would probably be a storm early in the morning.

I would try to emphasise the "most" in italic or something else, because there is the danger that the "most" is read in the context of the sentence. (Which, of course, doesn't make much sense).

When Doug incredulously asked why Trace wasn't the spider's next meal, Greg simply stated that he was great company. He did not forget to mention his dislike of flies, they were so greedy. This made Doug give a hearty laugh and remark that maybe Greg wasn't so bad after all.

I just love this scene because you create a wonderful personification of the insects and the spider. It seems funny and real at the same time.

As he worked Greg designed his structure in a way that would allow Doug to easily fly in and out of his workspace.

I would replace the "he" with Doug here. You referred to Greg in the previous sentence, so one might assume that the "he" refers to Greg, which of course it does not. :D

I noticed that at about the centre of the text you have three paragraphs that start with "When". Since the paragraphs are short, I would try to rewrite them a bit to make it read better.

Walker was already on the edge of the Lake of Darkness when they arrived.

Earlier you were talking about the Lake of Death and now the Lake of Darkness. Is this a mix-up or are there really two lakes?

In summary, it was a very great adventure where the friends had to stick together. I like how this part is a little different from the others, with more focus on the suspense and action towards the end.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




ArctiWolf says...


Oops, thanks for catching that. I still have a long ways to go! I plan to add some additional short stories into the chronology to introduce chracters slower. As always thanks for the review!



ArctiWolf says...


Oh and the 'he' I think you are referring to actually refers to Greg.



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 5:52 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Yay, another little story about Greg! You're pretty quick with these stories.

I particularly enjoyed this one! The ending was actually quite thrilling, what with Mandy the mantis drawing ever closer, only for them to find out that she wasn't going to kill Doug. How come Walker knew she wasn't going to do anything, though?

He'd only heard of the legendary juicy bug they called a mosquito and wanted to see one for himself, if not catch one.

It is slightly morbid to consider that all these insects are pretty sentient and Greg has to eat them, but I guess there is no other alternative. XD

Poka, with a little help from the walking stick, finally noticed Greg and Trace's presence. Her first order of business was to introduce them to Walker, the green walking stick that Greg had been gawking at.

I think you've repeated "walking stick" quite a lot, so I suggest editing the first sentence to just be "Poka finally noticed Greg and Trace's presence."

When Greg asked why Walker had used the word most he had just slowly drawled that there would probably be a storm early in the morning.

But there isn't a storm the next morning... so maybe you could remove that bit?

Even using Walker to keep Doug above the surface wouldn't keep Doug alive for much longer.

Wait, how exactly is Walker keeping Doug alive?

Walker, much to everyone's great irritation, didn't seem at all worried about Doug's impending doom. He didn't even try to make any suggestions on methods of rescue.

Wouldn't it make sense for him to just say that Mandy is harmless? It'll keep everyone from panicking so much...

Greg responded with a quiet thankyou

You forgot to put a space there.

Nevertheless, She disappeared as quickly as she had come

"She" shouldn't begin with a capital letter.



So, the ending to this story feels a little abrupt. It could have been concluded just a little bit better, perhaps ending with the three of them heading home or something.
But overall, this is still very fun to follow! I've grown quite fond of Greg the spider.
Where do you get such quaint, lovely ideas for your stories from? :)

Have a good day!

~ Lee




ArctiWolf says...


Knowing the world around you helps you create realistic and likable stories. I happen to be somewhat of a scientific nerd and have a lot of facts stored in my brain.

One of my favorite genres of writing (besides Sci-Fi and Fantasy) is personification of animals. Black Beauty for instance.

As always thanks for the review. Every little bit helps!



ArctiWolf says...


Thank you for mentioning the fact that I missed describing the morning storm Walker predicted. I have done some serious editing (the one paragraph is now two separate paragraphs) so you might want to revisit it.



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Fri Jun 18, 2021 8:19 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy..wow, our friend Greg here is having a lot of adventures back to back, isn't he? xD...I keep on coming back to read them. This is really shaping up to be a wonderful little series of stories here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Greg the Tennessee jumping spider and Trace the army ant veteran had been greeted by some stunned locals when they arrived at the garden. The sun would disappear over the horizon soon and Greg wanted to set up his bug-catching web for the night. He'd only heard of the legendary juicy bug they called a mosquito and wanted to see one for himself, if not catch one.


For the first time in my life, I actually kind of feel sorry for a mosquito, well, this story definitely is making me do a lot of things I don't normally do...xD...but hmm...a pretty neat start here to this particular short, let's see where this one is headed, certainly is a title that makes you speculate a lot.

Eventually, Greg and Trace spotted Poka who was talking with another bug that he had only vaguely remembered hearing of. Trace easily cleared up that the insect in front of him was a walking stick. The walking stick almost looked like a blade of grass or a very slender leaf and was green all over. Greg couldn't help but stare at him in amazement and realize he had a lot to learn about what lived out under the open sky.


Oh wow, those insects certainly are cool, their camouflage is definitely something at another level and Greg being impressed to see that is definitely very easy to believe here...and hmm, let's see what role this one plays in this insect society of sorts.

Poka, with a little help from the walking stick, finally noticed Greg and Trace's presence. Her first order of business was to introduce them to Walker, the green walking stick that Greg had been gawking at. He seemed rather nice and had a slow southern drawl which, in Greg's opinion, made him all the more likable.

Poka informed them that Walker was an expert on trees and as such almost always accurately predicted the weather. Walker eyed the odd pair before telling them that the weather would be clear for most of the night. When Greg asked why Walker had used the word most he had just slowly drawled that there would probably be a storm early in the morning.


Okay, Walker the stick insect that also happens to be able to give weather reports, at this point I have no idea how anyone can predict the weather using a tree, but I am not going to doubt it, I just love that idea.

Trace asked Poka about an old friend, Doug the carpenter bee. Doug lived in his fence post with his partner for life, Clover. Poka informed them that Clover had tunneled out a home for them nearby, but was currently on vacation. Poka then went on to point it out for them. With a nod and a quick thanks, Greg and Trace set off once more. However, this time they had a more specific goal.


Okay, we're meeting a lot of new characters very fast, which one on hand is how it would be Greg so that makes but on the other hand you do want to be a tiny bit careful if you want to avoid introducing too many too quickly cause then its going to be a bit harder to keep track. So far so good though, every insect we met has had a totally different and easily distinguishable personality so they're pretty easy to keep track of.

It took them a little bit to find, but eventually, they found Doug's fencepost. It was well hidden from the local insect population, which meant it was even more hidden from the humans. When they arrived at the fence post, Greg and Trace were greeted by a housekeeping, Doug. Upon noticing their arrival, Trace's in particular, Doug flew down to meet them.


Oooh, that definitely has to be a very top secret shelter right there if its hidden even from the insects.

It was a very happy reunion and Greg gave his friend a bit of space. Doug became very dubious after laying his eyes on Greg. When Doug incredulously asked why Trace wasn't the spider's next meal, Greg simply stated that he was great company. He did not forget to mention his dislike of flies, they were so greedy. This made Doug give a hearty laugh and remark that maybe Greg wasn't so bad after all.


Okay...well interesting to see how that one went down, first time we've seen something like that get brought up in this insect world and it certainly opens up a lot more doors to how insect interaction might work here...

With the sun nearly down, Greg asked, very politely, which place would be the best to set up his web. Doug happily pointed out a corner where the wood parallel to the ground met the upright fence post. It was out of the way of the locals' flight paths but sure to catch him a few juicy mosquitos, Doug had added with a wink.


Oooh advise on web building spots, that's really cool, I wish there was someone to do that for the spiders in my house cause they love building webs at head height with no consideration for su humans...xD....but that aside, I really do like how they ask the local person which would be the most unobtrusive, and just everyone getting along nicely is something I like to see. :D

After finishing his bug-catching web for the night, Greg then proceeded to weave together an overhang that would prevent the rain from washing in. As he worked Greg designed his structure in a way that would allow Doug to easily fly in and out of his workspace. The sun barely glistened over the tops of the trees as Greg finished his little contraption. When Doug came out to check on his new spider friend, he was pleasantly surprised by Greg's little gift and thanked him most sincerely.


Hmm, aww...Greg already making gifts for Doug as he slowly settles in his new home. This insect society is being super wholesome right now and ahh...I am loving this story as well.

When the talk finally ceased the stars were out and Doug lead Greg down the tunnel to the sleeping chambers. Trace had made himself quite comfortable and Greg found the wooden walls quite comforting. However, they also made him a bit homesick for the quaint, sheltered attic he had left behind.


Hmm, well being homesick is certainly always a factor, no matter how good the new place that you're staying at is...and I love how Greg is also giving off that vibe here at the moment. Grounds the whole thing in reality...well as much as you can ground an insect world in reality..xD

When Greg got up the next morning Trace was still asleep in the corner. Doug, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. Greg decided to check his web while he waited for Doug to return and, to his great delight, he found a nice juicy mosquito waiting for him. However, Greg concluded that he had best save it for later, something about Doug's disappearance just didn't seem right. Greg neatly wrapped his mosquito, checked that it was secure, and scurried back to Trace.


Already looking out for Doug, this is wonderful to see...but I suppose considering the title of this story, now is the time that some action might be going down here.

When Greg finished telling Trace about Doug's disappearance Trace seemed a bit angst. When Greg asked why Trace had simply replied that most local insects that go missing are often found in the Lake of Death. Greg shivered the name seemed fitting after Trace gave his latest tally of the dead lost to the water. It was only really a danger during the summer though, the humans seemed to enjoy filling the circular slippery-sided Lake.


Oh wow....I never thought of this stuff in the perspective of an insect but well, water can be quite deadly to a small insect and well...this is certainly starting to shift towards a more grave note now.

Unfortunately, it was currently summertime which meant Doug was probably in grave danger. They decided they would head to the Tall Oak which overlooked the Lake of Death. On their way to the Tall Oak, they encountered Jack the hoverfly. Jack hurriedly informed them that Doug was stuck in the Lake of Death, much to Greg and Trace's horror.


Oh dear...are we going to lose our new friend or will this surprising rescue end up with one of them saving poor Doug's life.

They had already been going as fast as they could, but knowing their friend's life was truly on the line somehow made them go even faster. Greg and Trace had to get to Doug before the surface of the water broke. Neither of them dared think of the consequences of being too late.


Oh indeed...I really love how everything turns from wholesome and relaxed to being a state of emergency little by little. The way you slowly build tension here is quite awesome so far, you're really getting into the mindset of these two to see how they slowly begin to realize they could lose their friend here.

Walker was already on the edge of the Lake of Darkness when they arrived. His habit of hanging around the Tall Oak made him the resident lifeguard. Even using Walker to keep Doug above the surface wouldn't keep Doug alive for much longer. He didn't have much time left. Greg eyed his surroundings quickly and thoroughly. However, to his dismay, Greg found no leverage for his webbing. Trace suddenly froze, Greg had not seen him so terrified during their entire friendship. When Greg looked up he understood, the local praying mantis had come for breakfast.


Oh wow, I love the way that quick rundown of the situation is given there. You can see these two just coming and noticing things one problem at a time. The slightly fast and hurried pace of getting across the description for all of this really fits with what's going on here.

Everyone started panicking and started frantically trying to come up with ways to save Doug before the praying mantis arrived. However, Walker, much to everyone's great irritation, didn't seem at all worried. Everyone else tried their best to think of a solution but to no avail. All that ended up happening was a mass surge for cover until the only ones left were Greg Trace and Walker.


Oh dear...they're slowly starting to lose hope there, this is certainly not a good sign. And you can really see how they're slowly starting to realize that there is nothing that they can really do. Although, a small nitpick is that this part seems to be glossed over a tiny bit. I'd like to see a bit more detail of them trying to come up with solutions that aren't successful and just seeing a bit more of the process of them becoming helpless. At the moment, this is a little too fast.

Greg felt completely helpless as the green mantis swooped down. Time seemed to slow down and Greg felt like he should have looked away, but couldn't. He snapped back to reality when the mantis gently scooped up a terrified Doug. After carefully placing Doug on the ground she gave them a curt nod. To which Greg responded with a quiet thankyou, he was utterly stunned.


Oooh, we have ourselves a massive ol' twist there....certainly did not spot that particular one coming there...but ahh, the insect kingdom here forming very unlikely alliances is very wholesome to see, and I love it.

Walker, on the other hand, did not seem the least bit surprised and stirred up a small conversation. The mantis was curt and her visit short, but Walker seemed to be enjoying every word of his conversation with Mandy, as he called her. Nevertheless, She disappeared as quickly as she had come, leaving a disappointed Walker and a sopping wet Doug in her wake.


Hmm, well the mantis doesn't seem to much socializing there though...well that's fair enough.

Greg was just glad that Doug was alright and, with Trace's help, got him in a position where he could dry out fully. A little while later Greg left and gathered nectar in a little leaf basket for Doug and grabbed a few leaves for Trace. They both ended up asking him where his lunch was. Greg simply responded that it was too big for him to carry and besides that Greg had never truly understood lunch itself as a concept. He was simply content to wait until they got back home to have supper.


Well, that's another fun detail. Spider's don't exactly have regular eating habits, at least far as I know. Aaand another pretty wholesome ending with Greg just sitting with his friends, having lunch and relaxing...ahh...another lovely visual too end on. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, another awesome story, I just had a couple of nitpicky things to point out there...but other than that, another pretty solid story here with yet another wholesome ending which I loved. Aaand that's it for this one. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




ArctiWolf says...


Lol, I'm addicted to writing these things now.

I went back and fixed up that paragraph a little bit so feel free to check it again. Adding their rescue ideas does go with the suspense.

Thanks for the awesome feedback, it really helps!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! Glad to hear that :D

And ooh...I took a look, and it certainly looks better now:D




cron
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