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E - Everyone

what others don't see

by PixieStix



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68 Reviews


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Tue Jun 22, 2021 6:02 pm
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi PixieStix!!

Wow!! This poem is so beautiful. And depressing. :(
I loved the usage of

the type that makes your skin tingle

This poem does exactly that. Its amazingly stupid some people believe that they know what the other person is really like. So when you highlighted in the stanza that others don't see the damage that's actually true. Nobody does that, but I do hope you and me can change that.

Loved your poem. Really!! Its so deep. Keep writing !!




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Sat Jun 19, 2021 7:21 am
AddisonHardy wrote a review...



Hello PixieStix!
My name is Addison, and I’m here to review your poem! :))

I enjoyed this a lot, good job!
I feel like the vibe of people not knowing what truly goes on in the girl next door’s mind, because they only pay attention to the outside.
I like the symbolism of the art and the clothes, especially since those are my personal coping mechanisms as well to deal with my personal trauma

The vibe and some themes and such that I got from this poem was some things I couldn’t describe in a sentence, so I’ll do bullets, I guess.

-loneliness
-depression
-self harm
-trauma??


I do admit that the ‘sad gal next door’ is a bit of an overused trope, so some may not like it
But
I’m a sucker for these stories
Good job, and happy writing!
Stay safe!
Addison




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Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:51 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey there! Thanks for sharing this poem. It's laid out nicely, and I like how you divide the stanzas. Definitely my favorite part of the whole thing is how you repeatedly use the line, "the type that makes your skin tingle". Great job with that feature!

You've done well giving the image of a girl whose hurts are buried and whose depth goes beyond what one sees on the surface. Describing her clothing is a great way to contrast what's in her heart and mind. I'm getting the image of a girl who loses herself in art and in her own head, battling fears that people do not understand. Again, you've painted the picture really well.

Because of hints in the first three stanzas, I get the impression that this girl is more beautiful than she knows. An onlooker sees her as much more than she sees herself. I appreciate how this shows that you don't have to be perfect to be beautiful.

Again, good work. Keep writing!




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Thu Jun 17, 2021 1:18 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed reading your poem!! I think it was incredibly impactful, and your repetition and stanza separation was really beautiful. The message and tone were really great, too.

Your beginning was sooo good. I think it was super effective at hooking in the reader in. I also really loved how you repeated the second line of the stanzas; that wasn't something I had seen done before, so it was super unique!! It seems like this poem is about a loner type of girl, who might not have many friends and seems quite aloof, but she's really hurting inside. The contrast between the beginning, which portrayed the girl as almost scary, and then at the end, where you used this really heartbreaking imagery to convey her pain, was super effective. It was almost like as I continued reading the poem, I got to see a deeper level of the soul of this character. I especially liked the second to last stanza.

Another thing I really loved was the formatting. I'm a sucker for nice-looking, aesthetic poems, and yours has certainly filled that place in my soul. The picture at the beginning really set the tone for the piece; the subjects are blurry and almost dreamlike, and there's something a little unnerving/some darker undertones within the photograph. Combined with the title, it really makes the reader think about what they're not seeing in those photograph subjects. It was a really nice detail, and I think it added soooo much to your poem!!

One thing I wondered about was your punctuation. Right now, it seems like you're putting a comma after every line in each stanza except for the last one. While this works in some cases where a comma would make sense, there were other places where it just felt a little... unnatural. Remember, putting a line break in already gives the reader a bit of pause while they're reading it, and putting a comma at the end of a stanza kind of doubles that pause, almost. Two specific places where I noticed that it felt a little off were at

through her brain with every,
pencil stroke


and

others do not see,
the damage


I thought that these two places didn't really warrant a comma, and it felt quite weird. If you think about it, when you take away the line break, it would read like "through her brain with every, pencil stroke" and "others do not see, the damage." As sentences, those both sound a little awkward. My advice is to just be intentional with your punctuation rather than just throwing it at the end of every line. Make sure it would make sense in relation to the lines around it.

Overall: really great work!! Hopefully there's something helpful in this review (it's been a while since I reviewed poetry.) Until next time!




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Thu Jun 17, 2021 3:44 am
TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



Hello, Pix!
I have just a really short review for you today! Here are my thoughts:

Okay, this poem lightly touches a sense of horror in the first part, but as I read through paragraph four, I began feeling a little bit sorry for the girl. I mean, she knows she's not the nicest person, but shouldn't that give her a little incentive to be better? Just a thought.

These parts are what gave me the idea:

but other's don't see,/the scars underneath,

within her stone-cold heart,/and sometimes,/she wonders, if it's still beating.

Anyway, you finished the poem off quite nicely with the short ending! I like it!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Follow your heart, and nothing will go wrong. (concerning writing)




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Thu Jun 17, 2021 1:33 am
silented1 says...



Are you okay?





You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan