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The River

by BlueGlow


I sit on the banks of the dried out river.

Water hasn't graced this land in eons

yet the remains of a river still exist,

the remains of a hard life's work continuing.

Will I have that same effect?

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?

I can only hope that they will.

Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.

Will these words leave ripples?

Or will they sink without a trace?

I look out into the distance

and see the sun setting far away.

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.


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26 Reviews


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Tue Jul 13, 2021 11:18 pm
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NightsInWhiteSatin wrote a review...



This one gave me a lot to think about. At first glance you give us a very positive lesson. That even after we are long gone, like that river, there is a trace of us left in this world, that If we live our life right there will be effects of our actions long after we've passed, giving us some kind of immortality. That felt very encouraging. There is another side to this poem too though, a sadder one. It reminded me that even if we ever get to be a mighty river someday, after enough time we will still dry out, that no matter how bold and world changing our lives were one day there will only be a trace of us left, if even that. We are given so little time, and it is easy to waste it, this poem in a way reminds the reader to live the life we have right. Great work BlueGlow!




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the review! I'm glad it had some impact on your thoughts. Have a great day!



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Sat Jun 26, 2021 9:32 am
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Phillauthet says...



Hi! I'm here for a quick review!

For starters, this is amazing! I loved the flow; though I can't clearly make out a rhyme scheme, the words simply roll off my tongue.
I like the topic; it's something that makes me think. The whole 'immortality in memory' vibe is intriguing.

The parts which attracted me were the 2nd and 3rd stanzas:

Will I have that same effect?

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?

I can only hope that they will.


Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.

Will these words leave ripples?

Or will they sink without a trace?



The ending, too, is great. It ties up the whole thing nicely.

On the whole, the poem is great!

Keep Writing!




Phillauthet says...


Sorry for the double review... Something went wong



BlueGlow says...


Its all good



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39 Reviews


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Sat Jun 26, 2021 9:31 am
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Phillauthet wrote a review...



Hi! I'm here for a quick review!

For starters, this is amazing! I loved the flow; though I can't clearly make out a rhyme scheme, the words simply roll off my tongue.
I like the topic; it's something that makes me think. The whole 'immortality in memory' vibe is intriguing.

The parts which attracted me were the 2nd and 3rd stanzas:

Will I have that same effect?

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?

I can only hope that they will.


Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.

Will these words leave ripples?

Or will they sink without a trace?



The ending, too, is great. It ties up the whole thing nicely.

On the whole, the poem is great!

Keep Writing!




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the kind words!



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Wed Jun 16, 2021 8:32 pm
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PixieStix wrote a review...



Hello! Pix here to review this for you!

To start, I wanted to really appreciate the formatting here, it made the poem easy to read. I like how you indented instead of seperating the stanzas.

The first stanza:

I sit on the banks of the dried out river.

Water hasn't graced this land in eons

yet the remains of a river still exist,

the remains of a hard life's work continuing.


I feel like the two uses of the word "remains" is unnecessary, but if that was your intention, ignore this! The stanza still flows nicely, and your use of vocabulary is impressive. This also sets the tone of the poem-- hence the dried out river. This gives the reader somewhat of a perspective.

Will I have that same effect?

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?

I can only hope that they will.


This actually might be my favorite stanza. This shows that the narrator is longing for success. "Ripples from a stone thrown into a pond" is also a great line of imagery!


Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.

Will these words leave ripples?

Or will they sink without a trace?

I look out into the distance

and see the sun setting far away.

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.


These are perfect stanzas to close with. The use of questions leaves the reader wondering. Wonderful job!

Overall, I loved this poem, and I can't wait to read more of your work!

-Pix




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the review and the suggestions!



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Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:22 am
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hi BlueGlow!! I'm Anne here to review your work.

I love your new perspective when seeing a river!!

MEANING
The meaning of this poem was absolutely stunning! The analogy of a hard working person and river was unprecedented but heartwarming! The hope of being alive forever, even if just in memories is so relatable and inspiring.

I look out into the distance

and see the sun setting far away.

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.

Here again the metaphorical meaning stands out so well! Sun setting can be a metaphor for the last breath of the day, so I interpret ut here as a person who has died. But yet, they have succeeded so well ti stay alive in the memories of others that the poet wishes ti see them alive. Wonderful expression. Certainly my favorite one in the poetry.

LANGUAGE AND FLOW
the language and flow both were good. But I thought the punctuation was a little too much in one place, that it disrupted the flow.

For eg.
Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.

I think there should be a comma after the first line, because the second line is in continuation with it, not separate.


Other than that, this poem was beautiful!! Keep writing! :)




BlueGlow says...


Thank you for the kind words! I'm happy to see that this poem is open to interpretation!



anne27 says...


:)



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Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:40 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...



Firstly, I thought that this poem was a great reflective piece on our existence and even the insecurity of the path you are walking and being unsure if you will ever be remembered for your sacrifices, which is a really difficult topic to cope with because it forces us to question our purposes in the world.

Water hasn't graced this land in eons

yet the remains of a river still exist,


I loved this line because I really adore the word choice of 'graced' because it gives this lovely idea that we as humans grace the earth with our lives and our strength and our hard work and it also encourages empowerment within the audience to remember that they are a gift to the world, just like the water that had quenched the thirst of many and saved the few.

Or will they sink without a trace?


Though this is a very simple quote, I think it's a really good generalisation of how many of us feel as we fear being forgotten and disappearing in the world and to 'sink' to the bottom where nobody can see us through the other ripples that other stones create.

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?


these two lines made me think that maybe in this situation, the stones could be humans and the pond could be the world. This links back to my previous statement of how we don't want to disappear against other's ripples, which could be the talents that they possess. We don't want to be overruled or outmatched by somebody who can do more, think more, and be more than us. We are constantly competing against each other to see who can be the best and we are afraid that we will sink and be lodged into life's normality and the sameness of society. This leads me on to think that perhaps all the stones- all the humans- are bound to one day sink and be forgotten to let other stones- other humans- make their marks on the world and create their influences because we all deserve a chance to prove ourselves.

Perhaps that is the hope of all men.

To live forever, even if only in memory.


This perfectly represents how men are obsessed with this idea of immortality.

I also love, like the previous reviewer said, the way that the structure of the poem has literally moved a few spaces. I think that this is effective in exaggerating the different stages of the speaker's contemplation and the process in which his mind interacts with the world around him, providing us with a sense of realism. The first stanza is him describing his location and the river itself, the second him questioning whether his life's work will last or will disappear, the third him contemplating whether others feel the same way about him and people's purpose as a whole, and the final and fourth stanza describing him moving his attention away from the river and wishing that he could go back to the river still flowed.

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.


This phrase also links back to the idea of immortality because it refers to time and how the speaker wishes that he could reverse it. This could also indicate that he feels as if the world around him is nothing but skeletons and emptiness, as he was looking at the horizon as he thought this statement. Maybe even on a larger scale, he feels like decay is all that surrounds him. Those waters could also be symbolism for youth and opportunity, which grows dry by time's cruel hand. Maybe he feels as if he has reached the maximum of his potential-ripples- and that there is nothing left to do but to 'sink' and be forgotten.

This idea is also supported by the fact that the speaker is a geologist who most likely often deals with fossils and the remains of a world that he had never lived nor seen before.

I loved this poem and I thought that it was profound and meaningful and very abstract but in a really good way.




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the in-depth review! Much appreciated!



illy7896 says...


no problem!



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Mon Jun 14, 2021 3:56 pm
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sukunas3rdeye wrote a review...



Hi BlueGlow,
You really did a good job of choosing the right words for the theme.
It's a somewhat short but really powerful poem, powerful as in one can really make a picture out of the setting upon reading it, which in my opinion only few writers can actually manage to do.

I really like the connection of the beginning and the end of this building up from the dried out river to the

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.



One thing I can't make up is the spacing? Is there an intention behind them? Like is it meant to mimic the so-called ripples? For example the

Will I have that same effect?

Will my life's works continue,

like ripples from a stone thrown into a pond?

I can only hope that they will.


and

I look out into the distance

and see the sun setting far away.

I wish I could have seen this river

when the waters still flowed.


or was it just to keep the verses consistent? Overall really beautiful poem good job :)




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for reading! The spacing was unintentional, guess it was a happy little accident.



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Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:56 pm
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FakeStories13 wrote a review...



This is a very beautiful and... reflective poem!

"the remains of a hard life's work continuing." I think that you could take out the, "continuing," part since you are comparing the remains of a river bank in which water no longer flows to, "a hard life's work." I think your comparison would be more effective if all that was left was no longer actively changing by itself since the original creator of the work is gone. You could say an, "enduring hard life's work," if you want to convey that the, "life's work," had a meaningful/ permanent impact on the world.

"I look out into the distance/ and see the sun setting far away." I think the, "far away," part is a bit repetitive since you already mentioned that you were looking, "out into the distance." The, "far away," part also sounds a bit awkward. If you want to add more descriptions or syllables to the line, you could write something along the lines of, "and see the golden sun setting," or, "and see the sun setting below the horizon."

I really like how you ended the poem with the lines, "I wish I could have seen this river/ when the waters still flowed." It seems to suggest that the river was valuable just as the speaker's work will be valuable to other people in the future. It is also a nice way to resolve the poem.

Overall, the poem is very well written and well thought out! I really liked it!




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the criticism. Perhaps some of the wording could be improved. I'll take note of it for future revisions




Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt