Young Writers Society

Everything about this poem is true. There are so many noises and distractions in our society today. There are so many screens and reasons not to take time out of our day and go outside. I do agree with silented1 though. The scratching of nails doesn't reall make much sense. You don't generally scratch a table to ground yourself. The more likely thing to do would be to grip the table, or coffee (if it was in your hand). Clawing at the table? Probably not. But overall, very good! Keep it up <3

This is a thrilling poem! I loved it. You have some rawness to it! But:

You have a continuity problem! You look around the room, push your stuff into your bag, then go back to clawing the table- it doesn't make sense honestly. You'd capture the moment better without that refrain.

I noticed you have a couple different voices in this too- about 3. The rhymes, the direct saying of things like to my left or right, and then the parts where you're like the yelling that's inside me. Try to use two of them! It'll be like narrator and tv show.

You also use a lot of blank description, for telling ideas, not showing us. You also show a lot too, I crave the womb, good line, it shows and you even develop it further. Which is good.

Hey there! So I really appreciate you tackling this subject. This poem is a canvas of sorts on which you depict in beautiful yet very realistic imagery what many people need to understand. Also, one thing I really appreciate is the different perspective on the imagery that this poem takes. Usually it seems that poems aim to describe sensory stimuli as something beautiful, but this work looks at it from the other side.

I like your layout and the free form you've used. It flows pretty smoothly and draws the reader's eye to follow the lines. I also like how you keep coming back to that idea of grounding. The repetition of it throughout the poem really gets the purpose across.

I'm so a fan of how you mentioned Karen. There are, however, a couple small tweaks I'd make to the sentence where you said, "As Karen complains once again, ducks in toe." First of all, the proper spelling you for what you're trying to convey would be "ducks in tow." Also, the whole likening the small children to ducks seems kinda out of place. Maybe you could just change it to "kids." Just my personal opinion, though.

Another feature I like is the way you've italicized the narrator's internal thoughts or commentary on what's happening. Like I said, the italics really set it off.

At first when I read the phrase "I crave the womb" and its corresponding comparison, I thought it felt out of place and off the subject, but the way you return to that idea ties it together in an awesome way. I really love how you used the idea of coming into the world for the first time as a baby to get the concept of sensory overload across. Really great comparison!

Thanks for sharing this work!

Wow, Spencer, this is a fantastic poem!

I don't know what to say! Every line was very well thought out, the diction was apt, and the setting was really perfect for what you wanted to express (although I have never experienced sitting in a coffee shop with Karen screeching close by). I could relate to the urge to feel grounded, and how everything starts overwhelming you until all you want is peace and quiet. Sometimes everything goes by really fast and you need something sane to hold on to.

One criticism I do have is with regards to capitalization. You've capitalized the first letter of every line, which in my opinion is a bad idea, since you've employed enjambments in this poem. I don't think you should mix the two; capitalize the beginning of each sentence, not line, or it disrupts the flow of the poem. It also gives it a haphazard look. Given the theme of the poem and what you're trying to express, I feel like relying on enjambments to create a flow would work much better than capitalizing letters.

As Karen complains yet again, ducks in toe;

A text pops in and I look down at my screens—all three

Blaring with notifs

My head buzzes with a soft hum,

Everything else muffled.

But all I can hear is the yelling, screaming

Life is like becoming a newborn—a sudden sense of overwhelming noise,

colours, smells, gravity—it’s no wonder babies cry when they’re born.

I would too—(I do too)

The yelling that’s inside of me,

And the scratching of my nails—to ground me.

Hello there! Incoming review!

When looking through some works this caught my eye. With your description mentioning sensory overload, I had to see your perspective on how it affects you. Not all sensory overload is the same. I'm autistic, so sensory overload is something I deal with frequently. Now let me point out some exceptional things I liked abut your work.

Your use of imagery brings everything to life. I see you mostly mention sounds, but you show real contempt towards the sunlight with your use of explicates. I also appreciate how you put in this

Blaring with notifs

Youtube, email—gotta contact her today;

Instagram, Text message—“We should meet up soon”.

I crave the womb—quietly floating in a realm of encased calm and isolation.

Yelling—screaming from my right

colours, smells, gravity—it’s no wonder babies cry when they’re born.

Tide that is 9 am.

I love the imagery you used in this poem! It shows the confusion of the reader, and almost makes the reader feel like their head is spinning with the narrator, it makes them feel confused and frustrated with their own senses.

I love the imagery you used in this poem! It shows the confusion of the reader, and almost makes the reader feel like their head is spinning with the narrator, it makes them feel confused and frustrated with their own senses.