You are an inspiration to us all, Make this a metaphor because it would work so well. You could really make a strong comparison that is then dropped during transition from this idea to the next.
To be steady,
To be strong, These two lines can be descriptions of your poem's metaphor.
To hold on even when it seems This can be another line with more show. Like, to hold on means to keep on doing something, but it doesn't say what or conjure an image or anything. It needs something concrete to work.
We get the bad end of the deal You could be more efficient by saying hold on through the bad deal.
For doing what's right; This can be where your idea changes and moves onto another comparison.
You have a vision that perceives
Important things This enjambment works well because because it works for both lines and the simplicity makes it easy to understand.
That others overlook;
You are a rock, This metaphor is what I was talking about. Maybe they're a shining rock in the beginning.
A protector,
A calm in the middle of panic, This causes an image. It's good.
You are the strength of steadiness,
And even when the rest of us are blinded
By hopelessness all around,
It's you who still can see
The light at the end of the tunnel.
Points: 625
Reviews: 286
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